Wedding Party

Am I the only one?

I usually avoid this board, because it frustrates me. But I have been lurking this morning and I was just wondering, am I the only one without BM "problems"? I have not required my girls to do anything, and they have gone above and beyond anything I could have ever expected. I took all 4 of them shopping, and let them pick their own dresses, because I wanted them to all be comfortable with the price and style for their shapes. They all happened to pick the same dress. Fine. I have not asked them to help me with anything, and they are volunteering, because they WANT to. I don't treat it as a job for them, and they don't see it as such because I'm not requiring anything from them. I was a bit embarassed by the wonderful shower they threw me. Some of them have not met before this (one is out of state) but they took it upon themselves to find and contact each other to discuss what they could do for me and FI. It totally blew me away. I guess treating them with the same love and respect I always have is the trick to avoiding these "problems" (sarcasm). I am 100% aware that TK is here to help brides, and I am in no way attacking anyone. I want to help others the same as they have helped me when I needed advice. If I have any decent advice, I try to give it. So here it is- Lets lighten up a bit and remember what our wedding day is about, commiting to the love of our lives. None of us are entitled to anything, and our WP is there because we love them, not to be unpaid employees. In the end, it won't matter if the girls had the same dress, shoes, or hairstyle. It won't matter if you had 100 people at your shower, or if you had one at all. It won't matter if the DJ played a song you didn't like or if your flower girl refused to walk down the aisle. What will matter is that you are married to your best friend, and you made that commitment surrounded by people that love you. Have a beautiful day girls, and good luck to everyone

Re: Am I the only one?

  • Your post is lovely and refreshing!
  • I don't have BM problems either, for the exact same reasons. Bravo!!!
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  • ditto bananaYou're realistic and down to earth and that's what is making your wedding planning easy.  Have a lovely wedding day!
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

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  • Bravo!

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • I did not have any problems.  Some helped, others did not.  Those that did volunteered.   They were all a plane ride away from me.  None of them went to any vendor meetings or went to bridal shows.  My sister (MOH) did go dress shopping with me.  She loves that kind of stuff and it was a nice mother/daughters day for all of us.I wanted my sister and friend.  DH asked for his sisters to be in the wedding on my side.  I agreed without a debate even though I had only met them once before.  I figure it was important to him then it should be important to me.  He asked my brother.  Great.  We were not into mixed sides.  Fine for other people, just our preferrence.We both decided on having all my nieces and nephews.  It was a great un-stressful time.  Oh and most importantly.  If I needed help I asked my DH. Because you know, it was his wedding too.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Yay for common sense! :)
  • Although, I will say, while I'm currently having issues with a BM, it's a "somebody in my life really needs help" and she happens to BE a BM ... it's not a "BM issues" though.I've been very "get the dress and show up" about everything. I've actually been enjoying doing things on my own. I did get frustrated with both of my sisters at one point (But they were pretty much calling me a Bridezilla because I ordered the dress 4 months before the wedding "like a crazy person") ... but honestly, both of my sisters really have enough going on (The one has problems, and the other one is in my boat of dealing with her problems), that I'm pretty sure that everybody was probably just hungry or something that day (In my family, we get VERY testy if we're hungry). Aside from the NWR issues, I've been having smooth sailing w/my BP.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • Meg, your issues are definitely NOT 'bad BM' issues!
  • Banana, very true. Like I said, they're issues ... that just so happen to be with a BM.OP, again, BRAVO! You clearly knew how to "do things right".

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • You are not alone! My MOH was *awful* (bratty sister w/ what we later found out were mental health issues so it goes way beyond our wedding) and we still had a perfect day. Short of setting the place on fire, nothing could have ruined our day. Glad that you have such a good attitude about it! That makes all the difference!
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  • Mine are great as well!
  • Mine were great as well! I love all my ladies and all of DH guys!
    My Grandparents on their wedding day.
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    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
  • I haven't had any problems. I have two BMs (sister and a friend) and each of them came gown shopping with me once. My sister said she'll make the OOT bags for me if I'd like, and my friend actually texted me today and said "I'm at the craft store, want me to grab a few vases for your centerpieces for you?" I personally don't get why so many girls come here whining that they need "support," or why they suddenly need so much help planning their wedding. My friendship with my sister and friend are exactly the same as before I got engaged, so I don't find myself upset when they aren't constantly calling me and offering assistance. And wedding planning really isn't all that hard ... it's only as hard as you make it, so I've just been planning things that are within my (and FI's) means and I haven't really been stressed or upset about anything. The only truly stressful part, for me, is when I stop and think about the fact that all this stuff needs to be paid in full eventually.
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  • I too haven't had any problems with my WP...  Everyone lives several states away, but I still talk to them often.  They want to know about the wedding planning and what needs to be done, but I keep telling them that there is very little that even I am doing...Well, I have had one "problem" - one of my BMs is pregnant!!  Yea!!!  She any her hubby have been trying to get pregnant for awhile and are so excited.  I just found out last night and am thrilled!!!  I told her that her sister better bring her A-game b/c I am vying for favorite auntie...  And I have had practice with FI's niece...  I wouldn't care about having a pregnant BM - in fact, I would be thrilled!  But, she is due 5 days before my wedding :(  I don't get to see her often, and would have loved the opportunity to spend time with her.  Now, the next time I will see her she'll be a mommy!!  FWIW She will still be listed in the program and I will still be sending her the BMs gifts - along with presents for the baby!!
  • I don't have any BM problems either - however I also don't have a wedding party ;)However, I will say this - if I was having a wedding party, I would not include people in that wedding party who I did not think were mature, smart women/men who I did not have to babysit, coddle, persuade, or "keep in line". That just sounds exhausting and it is not my nature either!It sounds like you similarly picked some wonderful women to be in your wedding party, which says a lot about you as well :)
  • Bravo!Im not having any issues what so ever with any of my girls or guys. The girls have been extremely helpful in everything and in every way that they can be without me asking.
  • Thanks for the kind words ladies! It makes me happy that I made some people smile.
  • My MOH and BM are delighted to see that I am a very easy going bride/friend.  So far so good and I hope it stays that way.  No bride should have issues or problems.  You choose your closest friends as BM's and MOH and just because you are getting married, you should not change the way you treat them and visa versa!  Here's to no one having issues!


    *~* September 18th, 2010 *~*
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