Register for down-payment for first house?

FutureMrsRoss2010 · April 2010

I heard that there are registries you can set up where people can donate to help you buy your first home. Is this just as controversial as honeymoon funds? Anyone tried it, and had good/bad experiences? Any specific services (websites) you would recommend or recommend against? (FYI, we are doing small registeries at brick-and-mortor stores too. Just heard about this and if it's an acceptable thing, we would consider it as we hope to buy within a year.

*edit* BTW, we can totally afford any house we would be interested in. We don't need this to help us buy a house. It's just that if people give us cash, that's what we would put it towards anyway (we have enough for a good down payment, but you should put down as much as you possibly can). We just thought people might appreciate knowing that their cash gift would go towards something so important and so meaningful.

AmoroAgain · April 2010

It's tacky and gross. If you can't afford the downpayment for your house, how are you going to afford it when you actually have it? Stupid. Just stick with the brick and mortar stores.

pandasquishy · April 2010

IMO, it's more controversial than a honeymoon registry. Aside from it being tacky, it's a dangerous idea. You really need to find a house that you can afford without help so you don't end up in foreclosure.

MNVegas · April 2010

If you need to ask other people to give you money for a downpayment, then you should not be buying a house. If I am going to put money towards a downpayment, it is going to be for my house, not someone else's house.

These registries where you ask for cash are just so distasteful. When are people going to realize that asking for cash is just so wrong.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

No, this is not as controversial as the honeymoon registry. It's pretty much universally agreed that this is horribly rude.

Asking for cash, in any way, shape or form, is very rude. You just don't do it.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

Register for upgrades or additional items to use in your first home. If you receive cash gifts, write in the thank you note that you will be saving it towards painting/decorating/furnishing your first home.

AmoroAgain · April 2010

Come to think of it, if someone asked for me for money for a house downpayment, I'd probably just send them a little imitation Barbie house or something. lol

flutgrl1 · April 2010

Personally I think it would be great if these caught on. I love practicality. Times they are achanging!

AmoroAgain · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:81791933-0a64-4e17-8a43-776e55385fb0">Re: Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally I think it would be great if these caught on. I love practicality. Times they are achanging!
Posted by flutgrl1[/QUOTE]

I don't mind practicality, but I DO mind people getting themselves into financial trouble because they rely on others to do the saving for them.

AmoroAgain · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:c6d52574-a48c-4564-a764-4e32dc7d754a">Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]I heard that there are registries you can set up where people can donate to help you buy your first home. Is this just as controversial as honeymoon funds? Anyone tried it, and had good/bad experiences? Any specific services (websites) you would recommend or recommend against? (FYI, we are doing small registeries at brick-and-mortor stores too. Just heard about this and if it's an acceptable thing, we would consider it as we hope to buy within a year. *edit* BTW, we can totally afford any house we would be interested in. We don't need this to help us buy a house. It's just that if people give us cash, that's what we would put it towards anyway (we have enough for a good down payment, but you should put down as much as you possibly can). We just thought people might appreciate knowing that their cash gift would go towards something so important and so meaningful.
Posted by FutureMrsRoss2010[/QUOTE]

If people give you cash, that's their prerogative. But don't make it about the cash, kwim? Don't ask for it. Just tell them in the thank you note that's what the money is going towards.

mandybear7 · April 2010

Easy solution: If someone asks your mom or MOH where you are registered, she can answer, "Mrs Ross and Mr Ross are registered at XYZ, but they are also saving up for a downpayment on a house!" People that want to give a physical gift can give a gift, but others will get the hint that you would appreciate cash.

ericksb · April 2010

I wouldn't do it. In your thank you's for people who gave you cash you can mention how much you appreciated their generosity and it was being used to help you put a larger down payment on a house.

jamiefour · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:fe20c7cc-6bdd-4021-a880-2b128273c0dc">Re: Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Register for down-payment for first house? : If people give you cash, that's their prerogative. But don't make it about the cash, kwim? Don't ask for it. Just tell them in the thank you note that's what the money is going towards.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
This!

sweetviolet · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:3dab3aac-97eb-44f4-9ad4-347d4aad9a89">Re: Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's tacky and gross. If you can't afford the downpayment for your house, how are you going to afford it when you actually have it? Stupid. Just stick with the brick and mortar stores.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I just read this thread, and unless the OP completely rewrote her post, I think your response, Amoro, is uncalled for. I'm not in any way advocating down payment registries, or any registries that are straight out asking for money for that matter. But just because someone is considering a down payment registry does not necessarily mean they aren't saving for a downpayment on their own anyway, nor does it mean that they can't afford a mortgage payment. What if someone is following proper etiquette and letting people know through word of mouth (only when asked, of course) that they are saving for a downpayment on a house? Would you still apply the same logic?

OP - there isn't any need to have a down payment registry. LIke some people have said, if asked, you can let people know that you are saving up to buy a house in the near future, and when you write your thank you notes, you can tell those that gave you cash that you will be putting their gift towards your first house.

FutureMrsRoss2010 · April 2010

Thanks ladies. Yes, we will just reference the house in our thank you notes. And thanks for your note sweetviolet; some of the other posts made me want to cry!

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:c83678cd-4ea6-4e2b-a798-d07a2dfccee1">Re: Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Register for down-payment for first house? : I just read this thread, and unless the OP completely rewrote her post, I think your response, Amoro, is uncalled for. I'm not in any way advocating down payment registries, or any registries that are straight out asking for money for that matter. But just because someone is considering a down payment registry does not necessarily mean they aren't saving for a downpayment on their own anyway, nor does it mean that they can't afford a mortgage payment. What if someone is following proper etiquette and letting people know through word of mouth (only when asked, of course) that they are saving for a downpayment on a house? Would you still apply the same logic? OP - there isn't any need to have a down payment registry. LIke some people have said, if asked, you can let people know that you are saving up to buy a house in the near future, and when you write your thank you notes, you can tell those that gave you cash that you will be putting their gift towards your first house.
Posted by sweetviolet[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, yes, she did re-write her post in response to logistical questions brought up by Amoro and others. </div>

FutureMrsRoss2010 · April 2010

I didn't rewrite the first part, I just added the part that says *edit* to specify the fact that we can totally afford it, since people were incorrectly assuming otherwise.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

[QUOTE]I didn't rewrite the first part, I just added the part that says *edit* to specify the fact that we can totally afford it, since people were incorrectly assuming otherwise.
Posted by FutureMrsRoss2010[/QUOTE]
If you add clarification, it's best to add it as a response as well. People who have read the post probably aren't going back to re-read it. Regardless, you probably would have gotten the same responses on the down payment registry idea. But I'm glad you decided not to go with one.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:a90c4407-85c3-42ac-877a-e7df2ec81c29">Re: Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Register for down-payment for first house? : Did she rewrite the entire post, or did she just add the second paragraph? If the first paragraph is the original post, then I still don't see how one makes the leap from what the OP said to not being able to afford the mortgage.
Posted by sweetviolet[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't know what all she changed. She said just the second paragraph, but I'm not totally sure about that.</div><div>
</div><div>Considering the current economic situation and why we're in this situation, it's hardly a leap to assume that someone that would ask for help coming up with a down payment may not be able to afford the mortgage and all the other necessary house expenses. </div>

FutureMrsRoss2010 · April 2010

I only added the second paragraph. And I'm sorry I didn't know that Knot etiquette was to add clarification in responses instead of the post - will remember that from now on.

I will also say that although I totally understand the etiquette issues regarding what can be seen as "asking for cash" and will NOT do it, I'm with flutgrl1 in that I hope that the practicality of this catches on. With many of us getting married older, when we don't need much (beyond some upgrades), home-buying really is the next big thing in our lives and it makes me sad that "tradition" or etiquette makes it such taboo to acknowledge that and invite our loved ones to participate in such a momumental event in a couples' life. Everyone we'd talked to about it (families and some friends) actually thought it was an awesome idea. I know that if I were attending a wedding, I would be delighted to know that I could contribute to a couple buying their first home. That would be so special to me. Heck, assuming that, as we've already discussed, they can afford it without help, I'd see it as such a practical and responsible desire (way smarter than a blender) that I'd probably spend more on that than I would on a physical gift. (I wouldn't say the same thing about the honeymood funds, however.) I think that as society we would benefit from focusing more on financial practicality and responisbility and less on what tradition dictates. But, like I said, I'll stick to regular registries instead - I'm not afraid of bucking tradition, but not if it might inspire responses such as these.

sweetviolet · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:fcb42bb9-0265-4d2a-bd15-224e4b3a5c0a">Re: Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Register for down-payment for first house? : I don't know what all she changed. She said just the second paragraph, but I'm not totally sure about that. Considering the current economic situation and why we're in this situation, it's hardly a leap to assume that someone that would ask for help coming up with a down payment may not be able to afford the mortgage and all the other necessary house expenses.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I can see your point, but on the other hand, newlyweds have been using cash gifts towards buying their first home for longer than the current recession.

Admittedly, I didn't see the original post, so if there was something writen initially that indicated the OP wanted to buy a house she couldn't afford, then I'd probably change my stance on this (it would depend on what was written). However, the OP sounds like a pretty reasonable, decent person - she doesn't strike me as being like one of the many self-entitled, money-grubbing beebees looking for opportunities to fleece their loved ones. To me, those are the people that warrant the harsh reality check.

sweetviolet · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:0ed0596f-ea19-4650-a6bb-23feacd031d9">Re: Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]I only added the second paragraph. And I'm sorry I didn't know that Knot etiquette was to add clarification in responses instead of the post - will remember that from now on. I will also say that although I totally understand the etiquette issues regarding what can be seen as "asking for cash" and will NOT do it, I'm with flutgrl1 in that I hope that the practicality of this catches on. With many of us getting married older, when we don't need much (beyond some upgrades), home-buying really is the next big thing in our lives and it makes me sad that "tradition" or etiquette makes it such taboo to acknowledge that and invite our loved ones to participate in such a momumental event in a couples' life. Everyone we'd talked to about it (families and some friends) actually thought it was an awesome idea. I know that if I were attending a wedding, I would be delighted to know that I could contribute to a couple buying their first home. That would be so special to me. Heck, assuming that, as we've already discussed, they can afford it without help, I'd see it as such a practical and responsible desire (way smarter than a blender) that I'd probably spend more on that than I would on a physical gift. (I wouldn't say the same thing about the honeymood funds, however.) I think that as society we would benefit from focusing more on financial practicality and responisbility and less on what tradition dictates. But, like I said, I'll stick to regular registries instead - I'm not afraid of bucking tradition, but not if it might inspire responses such as these.
Posted by FutureMrsRoss2010[/QUOTE]

OP - I get what you're saying, but I don't think that there needs to be a registry for cash gifts. People have been giving them for years, and many times, I'm sure the money is put towards buying a home. The fact that a couple is saving up for their first home purchase is easily spread via word of mouth when guests ask. It's a system that seems to have worked pretty well so far, so I disagree that there needs to be a registry for it.

FutureMrsRoss2010 · April 2010

Oh, I completely agree sweetviolet. I guess I was referring more to the concept of making it okay for people to be open about it, rather than needing actual registries. We're taking care of this wedding all on our own (that is, not much family involvement), and we've lived in a number of different places, so we have people coming from all over the world, so the whole spread by word-of-mouth strategy I'm afraid isn't going to be very effective. But we'll do our best!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:36ca1872-4199-4e5f-9f24-bf641038577a">Re: Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Register for down-payment for first house? :<strong> I can see your point, but on the other hand, newlyweds have been using cash gifts towards buying their first home for longer than the current recession</strong>. Admittedly, I didn't see the original post, so if there was something writen initially that indicated the OP wanted to buy a house she couldn't afford, then I'd probably change my stance on this (it would depend on what was written). However, the OP sounds like a pretty reasonable, decent person - she doesn't strike me as being like one of the many self-entitled, money-grubbing beebees looking for opportunities to fleece their loved ones. To me, those are the people that warrant the harsh reality check.
Posted by sweetviolet[/QUOTE]

Which is totally fine. It's just <em>registering </em>for cash that's tacky. It isn't like registering for a specific blender model. Cash is cash and everyone knows it's a welcome gift for newly weds. Those who like to give it will give it. Those who don't like to give it probably won't give it just because there's a cash registry.

sweetviolet · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-down-payment-first-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b80d6009-2026-4bc9-9fc2-e41ae3b9348aPost:d298f502-f779-446b-bffc-9f3066e38ffe">Re: Register for down-payment for first house?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Register for down-payment for first house? : Which is totally fine. It's just registering for cash that's tacky. It isn't like registering for a specific blender model. Cash is cash and everyone knows it's a welcome gift for newly weds. Those who like to give it will give it. Those who don't like to give it probably won't give it just because there's a cash registry.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Agreed - I actually said something similar earlier in the thread.

kayleighe · June 2010

Wow there are some VERY rude ladies on this board! perhaps before smarting off about rudeness and manners to others, you should consider how rude YOU are behaving. She asked for an opinion, not an attack.

I agree with the OTHER ladies -- times are changing! I would totally give friends/family/whomever money towards a house! Yes, some guests may be offended. But if that's what YOU want at YOUR wedding, they'll get over it. There really isn't a "standard" wedding anymore, I think, so go ahead and break rules. We are registering for board games and other fun stuff along with our crock pots and glasses. We don't want/need china. It would sit in a cabinet and collect dust!

http://myidoityourselfwedding.blogspot.com/

chigirl2010 · July 2010

We're not doing this, but I would not be offended if I found out one of my friends were doing this; not at all. I'd rather contribute to their new house than buy them a set of hand towels.

And yes, what's with the rudeness, ladies? Sheesh.

Register for down-payment for first house?

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