I can't afford an open bar...

JNKS2328 · November 2009

What do I do? I have been to many weddings that were not open bar and it didnt bother me... its 50/50 here to have it or not. As an option, I was considering having all non- alcoholic drinks free (ie soda, coffee..) and just have my guests pay for their own beer/wine if they choose to drink it.. At least i'm paying for something and they dont have to worry about buying a soda... Our venue only offers beer and wine (and the champagne toast) as it is because its on a college campus. What do you think?

Julia O'Brien · November 2009

Can you afford to buy a white and red wine for each table? You could do that and then do what you said re: free pop and juice, but the rest cash bar? I wouldn't be offended by this personally. But if you're going this option, make sure the venue has at least an ATM near by just in case people do not bring cash.

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

Hmm, that's tricky. I would see if you can at least do a bottle of wine on each table so guests have something to drink with dinner. Or maybe, could you open the bar for dinner, and have it cash the rest of the night? You could put up a sign at the bar that says something like, "The bride and groom are pleased to offer complimentary drinks during dinner, and complimentary non-alcoholic drinks for the entire evening." That should get the point across without explicitly telling guests they have to pay.For me, I'd be fine with just having booze with dinner. If I were you, I'd see how your family and close friends feel about it.

desireedp · November 2009

We're doing the same thing, we're only covering soda, tea and coffee. If people want alcohol then it's there and they can purchase it. In our circle of friends/family, it's the norm so nobody will be offended by it.

duckie1905 · November 2009

First, please make sure you cover their non-alcoholic drinks. I attended a wedding once where even water/soda/coffee was $1 a pop. I didn't even make it through dinner before I was out the door.I don't like cash bars but float it by your family. They may find it acceptable.It is also fine to have no alcohol at all (which I find to be a better option than a cash bar, but to each his own).

alithebride · November 2009

you're hosting a party in celebration of your marriage. don't make your guests pay for anything. have only what you can afford.

megk8oz · November 2009

For starters, do not charge for soft drinks. While "cash bar" for alcohol is up for debate around here, I really don't think anybody's going to tell you charging for juice and soda is ok. If cash bar is "normal" in your social circles, then it's really up to you whether or not you do it. Personally, I find them rude (I rarely even drink at weddings if that's any indication), but I also come from an area where you will be crucified for having one. Honestly, before you decide one way or the other on alcohol, you should find out how much providing it for free will cost you, and possibly see if you can cut corners elsewhere (Like not doing favors, or using cheap center peices) to free up the funds. Friends of mine got married last year, and had a venue where you had to supply your own liquor. They just did beer, wine and 2 signature drinks for 120 guests, and they only spent like $250 total on the alcohol.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Definitely pay for their non-alcoholic drinks at the very least. Is there any way you can cut the guest list in order to provide some alcohol?I think cash bars are tacky, but I will say that I would prefer a cash bar to no bar.

JNKS2328 · November 2009

Thanks for your advice! Is much appreciated. I'm definitely paying for their champagne toast, soda, coffee, tea, and juice... I was debating between no alcohol or a cash bar for beer and wine... I would never make people pay for the soda to go with their dinner, but I cant afford to do more then that. My guest list is already at about 80 people so I cant really cut it anymore.

gottahavashorti · November 2009

Try to offer wine or beer with dinner if you can. It's okay to skip the champagne toast, many people don't like champagne. You said it's 50/50 for open bar in your area, do the other half have cash bar or are they dry?

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

Offer what you can afford, and don't offer anything else. I'd do some beer or wine ahead of a champagne toast.Then if you can't afford anything else, don't offer it. Guests shouldn't have to open their wallets at your wedding.

shellybeth · November 2009

I would rather pay for beer at a cash bar than having no alcohol offered at all, IMO

MJsGirl09 · November 2009

We were married in Sept. We had a cash bar and it worked out perfect. We couldnt afford to pay for everyone's alcohol and didnt really think that part really mattered, and it didnt. Dont stress about the small things. People will pay for thier drinks, its not a big deal.

mburton1 · November 2009

So I am in the same boat as your in. I am providing a cocktail hour with a one hour open bar but beyond that the budget is stretched to far to have an open bar all evening. I think that it is perfectly acceptable though I understand your reluctantness.

awcoyle · November 2009

We're doing free sodas and coffee, a free champagne toast comes with our catering contract, and we're too doing a cash bar. One big factor to consider is the behavior of your guests. My fiance and I both unfortunately have friends that despite how much we love them will abuse an open bar and order 8 or 10 drinks (NOT JOKING). I don't want people being wasted and disrespectful on my day on my dollar, but if people want a drink or two that should be their choice and they shouldn't have a problem paying for them.

cukimerrydoll · November 2009

One of my friends did exactly that this summer - non-alcoholic was free, alcohol was cash.A lot of people do it that way, or I've also seen it done where there is a set amount that is open bar, and once that amount is gone it goes into a cash bar. Or it goes into a cash bar a few hours before the reception ends - that gives people a little incentive to slow down.

Jamie124 · November 2009

I can't afford an open bar either. I just went to a wedding that was open bar and people were going up an ordering 4 drinks at a time! They weren't seeing it as a nice gesture, they were taking advantage. The bar bill at the end of the night was over $4000!!! Who has that kind of money? Then by the end of the night we had to carry people to their cars and the place was trashed. You're already paying for their meal, cake, dancing. If they want to drink, they can pay. Alcohol is WAY too expensive and money is way too tight now. And if they are offended by it, then they don't have to come.

gottahavashorti · November 2009

Keep in mind that if cash bars are not expected by your guests or the norm in your area. they may not have cash. I have never seen a cash bar and do not bring cash or cards to places like weddings. I'm apt to leave my purse at my seat or have FI carry my stuff, so I just bring phone and ID. If I were asked to open my wallet at a wedding when I got to the bar, I'd probably be surprised and feel a bit slighted because there is alcohol there but I cannot have any. I'm perfectly happy with kegs & boxed wines, dry weddings, or limited alcohol. We looked at venues that allowed us to bring our own alcohol to save money. It may work if it is the standard at weddings that your guests attend, but try to cut in another areas first if possible.

jennylove810 · November 2009

I agree with the posters who have said they'd rather have to pay for their alcohol than have no alcohol at all. Weddings are expensive- everyone in the world understands. I've been to weddings with open bars, cash bars, and no bars. While open bars are nice, never would I think a cash bar reflected badly on a couple, especially if I knew they were working on a limited budget. As a guest, I'm happy just to be included, to witness your special day, to have a meal, and dance the night away. I'm not going to be so selfish as to judge you for having a cash bar, and I'm not going to call you tacky if I knew your reception, your gift to me, reflected what you could afford. Don't stress about it.

duckie1905 · November 2009

Please don't assume that your poorly-behaving drinker friends will control themselves simply because it is a cash bar. They will still get as drunk as they want to regardless of open bar/cash bar. Those that want to get wasted and be obnoxios will do so; the cash bar will not stop them.

JNKS2328 · November 2009

Thank You guys so Much! I feel much better now. We are going to do the champagne toast (because its in our catering contract- comes with the dinner) and provide the non alcoholic drinks. We will have a cash bar for beer and wine available. I think this is fine and my family totally supports my idea. Your opinions made me feel much better that i'm not the only one facing this obstacle... ugh there is just so much to think about and consider...

Jaclyn619 · November 2009

I agree with jennylove...

kRd1868 · November 2009

OK first, for everyone that said that they might not have cash on them.... One thing that my father taught me, is never go anywhere without some cash on you somewhere for emergencies. I don't care if you put in in your bra... if you don't have cash for a cash bar -- that is so not the couple's fault.Secondly... it seems that on these message boards having a cash bar is equated to forcing your guests to pay for stuff. It's a choice. They can pay to drink or they can not drink. It's not as if you're saying if you don't buy your own liquor you can't come.And just a question... How is a dry wedding better than having a cash bar?

Chanel8174 · November 2009

I agree with JennyLove also. No way the people surrounding you and love you both should be focused on whether or not their alcohol was given to them free. The important part is being there to celebrate with you all.

I can't afford an open bar...

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