Mom says NoBooze!

hjchase1 · November 2009

My Fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. We're planning a beach wedding in Florida with a reception the following weekend in my hometown in Ohio. My family is super-religious, and I am not particularly religious at all. We are pretty respective of each other's beliefs, but we have one issue about the wedding. Mom says no booze! (WHAT???!!!!) Lol. My fiance and I live in New Orleans, and met on Bourbon Street at a bar that we both worked at... so drinking is a part of our lifestyle. While we are not heavy drinkers by any means, I would like to celebrate my wedding day with a glass of wine! Mom says that I need to respect her because she will be embarrassed in front of our extended family and friends who do not drink. Anyone have suggestions?

vgmartinez · November 2009

Are you paying for it? If you are, have alcohol.

hjchase1 · November 2009

Yeah, we're paying for it ourselves.

hjchase1 · November 2009

At least we'll save money cause most of our guests won't drink... lol.

vgmartinez · November 2009

I would say if you want to have alcohol, go for it. It doesn't sound like there will be anyone acting a fool. Your mom shouldn't have anything to be embarassed about since she's not going to drink. Since there won't be many people drinking, you can save money like you just mentioned. Maybe just have wine?

hollieheidi · November 2009

The alcohol topic has become quite popular and divisive lately, but here' s the deal: 1. It's your wedding 2. You're paying for your wedding 3. It's your wedding Tell Mom, "While I accept your opinion about the alcohol at the reception, it is our wedding and we feel that it is our decision to have/not have alcohol. Please respect us as a couple and our decision." If you feel the need to compromise maybe you could go wtih a limited bar menu, alcohol during dinner service only, or only 2-3 hours rather than the whole reception.

trix1223 · November 2009

There isn't a problem here at all. You're planning AND paying for your wedding. Therefore, you choose. If your mom tries to pull out the "IF you have alcohol we won't attend" card, smile sadly and say, "I'm sorry to hear that mom. You'll be missed." Don't get sucked into an argument where there isn't any.

danieliza1127 · November 2009

Well the simple answer is that if you're paying for it yourselves, then you get final say. That's a lot easier said than done though, especially if you really don't want to offend or upset your family.What you could do is have an afternoon reception with light food, cake, and punch and no alcohol then get together with all of your friends and family that do like to go out, and go out together later that night.

kmmssg · November 2009

My first question in this is always, does your mom go to places like Applebee's, TGIF, Chili's, etc? They all serve alcohol but you don't have to drink when you are there. I ditto the others that Mom is going to have to accept that alcohol is going to be served. If she threatens not to attend make sure you have a plan for that. You will either have to say "You will be missed" or you will have to change your plans. Make sure you and FI are on the same page and be prepared to go down that road.

mbcdefg · November 2009

Your mom needs to lighten up. Unless someone ties her up and forces alcohol down her throat, she has no right to complain. And if she's willing to boycott your wedding because someone decides to have a glass of wine with dinner (which I'm betting is a bluff on her part), then so be it.

pag41989 · November 2009

I had the same exact problem with my mother... after awhile she caved in and just didnt care about fighting over it anymore. If you and FI want alcohol there then go for it, especially if you are paying for it.

ffmaid · November 2009

You and FI are paying. Mom gets no say in this then serve drinks

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

Mom gets to suck it up. She needs to respect YOU as legal adults who are paying for this party yourself, and being good hosts by making alcohol available for those who want it.

Catwoman708 · November 2009

You are paying for it yourself, so leave your mother out of the equation for the time being. You will have already been married, and already had your "real" wedding. The second reception in your home town is essentially just a party for your relatives, presumably to share in the joy with your loved ones/extended family. So if the majority of those attending have religious reasons for not drinking, why would you deliberately flaunt alcohol in front of them? Can you not make it through a party for a couple of hours without a drink? So I guess I would suggest you respect the beliefs of the majority of your guests. Is your mom exagerating how many people don't drink, or how uptight they are about it? If so, then offer some beer and wine, or a champagne punch/sangria or something, and keep it low key.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

"Sorry mom, but this is our wedding and our dime, and we are going to do it our way. I understand your position, and please understand that I will not be assigning a bartender to every guest to force alcohol down their throats. If people choose to drink, that's their decision. If people choose not to, that's their decision. I will not be making that decision for everyone based on your beliefs."

alithebride · November 2009

you're paying-you say what you have and what you don't. tell your mom you're sorry-but it's your wedding and not hers. her friends and family will have to get over it.

megk8oz · November 2009

As the "foot-ers of the bill", you and your FI are the only people that get to make this call. Like pp said: does your mom go to restaurants where alcohol is served? If she does this, you might want to point that out to her, as it's the same thing: just because it's there, doesn't mean somebody is going to be forcing HER (Or any dissaproving guests) to drink it.

gretchen333 · November 2009

I agree with what most people above have said:YOUR wedding, YOUR money, YOUR way. I would explain it to Mom just as you did here. It is part of your social lifestyle and it is something you want at your wedding. Mom will just have to deal with it.

kRd1868 · November 2009

I have to disagree with many of the PPs. You are paying for it, which gives you a large degree of control, but your mother will always be your mother. According the the original post, your mother is not saying she doesn't want you to drink. She's saying she would be embarassed. She would be embarassed because all of her friends/family are going to be judging her for allowing you to drink. And I get this... I am not religious at all, but my BFF is SUPER religious, and for some religions, drinking alcohol is a serious no-no.Your mom is asking for a favor, for respect. She's not saying that she thinks your lifestyle is inherently wrong. You should have the second reception in Ohio alcohol-free. This is not a situation where you should tell your mom to "just get over it."Be grateful for everything your mother has given you (including allowing you to feel free to drink) and give her this one thing on one day.

Mom says NoBooze!

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