resisting new ideas? (kind of long)

jlbaxter33 · November 2009

I was wondering if anyone had any push back from their Moms or sisters (who ever) when mentioning new ideas?My sister had a really fun, super traditional Pittsburgh wedding (8 years ago) and my Mom can't seem to think anything beyond what my sister had. For example I thought doing homemade jams or hot sauce with custom labels would be a cute idea for favors. My Mom thought it was "stupid" I asked "why?" and she said "b/c she's never seen it done." The Knot (and other sites) are filled with awesome ideas to switch things up, but my Mom can't seem to visualize it.My Mom and I don't really fight and have a very close relationship, I just see this specific issue causing some headaches as the wedding planning moves forward. Thanks!

Er&JerLem · November 2009

I think it's a cute idea.I was lucky because both my parents were totally on board with whatever we wanted to do. This seems like a pretty minor detail to me - but maybe show her examples of what you've found. And let her know that maybe you want your wedding to stand out and not be 'everyone else's' wedding.

dicer2 · November 2009

I ran into a few things that my mom thought were weird. My dress wasn't as traditional and I don't think she liked it at first. I wore blue shoes, and spray painted tree branches to hang people's name cards from. All of these ideas were not received so well, but once my mom saw that I really loved the ideas, she was on board.I was also extremely stressed out at the beginning of the planning, so I think after that she supported me 100% so she didn't have to see me cry again.

slm13 · November 2009

My mom was fine. She understood that it was our wedding, not hers. Now my MIL, that was a whole different story. SIL got married about a year before us and was very traditional. She kept telling us that we were doing it wrong, for everything. From how we did names and response cards to who was walking me down the aisle. I was often in tears from it, just not in front of her. Thank goodness DH was super supportive and would just keep reminding me to nod, say we'll think about it, then do our own thing anyways.

LaFemmeRousse · November 2009

My mom (and FMIL, to some extent) are sort of the same. They want to follow most things exactly by the lines of etiquette, and I'm a more free-wheeling bride. My mom does not like the way I want to address my STDs/invites, isn't crazy about me wearing a reception dress, and wants a more formal and larger rehearsal dinner than I do. They also both are very respectful of the fact that it is my and FI's wedding, though- even though my parents are paying for it, they are great about letting me make all the final decisions.

KimWard · November 2009

I'm not much of a help, since my wedding was pretty traditional, but I like E's suggestion of showing your mom examples of the nontraditional ideas/elements you are considering. Weddings have changed a lot since she married I'm sure, so she's probably not used to anything different. I hope she understands and this isn't a big issue for you.

kime31 · November 2009

I am having a similar issue with my FMIL. She is about my grandparents age so there is a generation gap larger than with me and my parents. FI's sister is also 15 years older than us and so FMIL keeps saying "well FSIL did it this way", etc. My FI and I are both on the same page as far as what we want and how we want it. I like a mix of traditional and modern and want to make it unique. My mom is def. more traditional than I am but she is able to pick out ideas that would be more "me". My dress, for example, she liked a different more traditional dress but commented that the dress I ended up choosing was more my style. Maybe you could try to explain to her the overall feel or look you are trying to achieve and that might help! Sorry for the WOT!

hey_its_jenn · November 2009

My mom and I butted heads a lot over little things. I wanted a photo guest book instead of the traditional - I won. I wanted different BM dresses and my mom wanted everyone in one style - she won.My MIL wanted us to put tissue paper in our invites - I won.My mom hated our popcorn favors but guests loved them. I think you just have to know when to pick your battles. And remember that in 5 years, no one is going to remember your favors or chair bows or anything.

bel138 · November 2009

I think the jam/hot sauce is cute. And it's something people will actually use!I met a lot of resistance with the BBQ dinner and my short dress. We just didn't even bother telling parents about FI's crazy outfit, my green shoes, or my short veil. I just had to calmly explain to them how much certain things meant to us. They were just worried we would regret things later.The whole thing was ironic because the first thing my dad and FSMIL said after we starting planning was that her parents tried to take over with their ideas.

lildiva1977 · November 2009

Didn't have a prob with mom--she wasn't involved much. But I did have a prob with my lil sister...sshe didnt help much either, but since she was married 5 years ago thought she was the ultimate authority on weddings. She was shocked that I wasn't doing the garter toss or the dollar dance, thought my candy buffet was stupid...etc. But at the end of the day--she LOVED everything I did for my wedding.Its your day! Do what makes you and FI happy. And as pp have said, just because they have never heard of something you want to do, doesn't mean you can't do it. Show her your ideas and let her know what you are thinking--GOOD LUCK!!

KRMac · November 2009

Late, but...My mom and my DH are both more traditional, so I felt like I was battling against both of them sometimes. :)I really wanted a photo booth and a cotton candy machine. Rejected because "the wedding is not a carnival".

resisting new ideas? (kind of long)

Re: resisting new ideas? (kind of long)

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