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Wedding Etiquette Forum

What is an event planner? Kinda long post

I was really excited when I hired my florist/event planner a few weeks ago. We have the same style, she listened to my ideas, and gave some great insight. She also seemed genuinely excited to do my wedding. I was especially relieved that in addition to the flowers, she advised thast she offered event planning services, and would handle all the rental items and decor for the ceremony and reception, i.e., the ceremony chairs, linen, lantens, and design, etc. I felt like I had made a new friend, who would help relieve a lot of stress.Well, she finally did a site visit to the venue yesterday. And I gotta say, that I wasn't happy with how it went. In a subtle way, she appeared to be distancing herself from the "event planning" aspect. I say subtle because I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I can't shake the feeling. For example, she asked me what the design layout was for the reception; I paused because I hadn't given it much thought since the wedding is five months away, and asked what she thought. She said she couldn't make that decision for me. It was abrupt and matter of fact and she had a faint smile on her face. I was shocked and there was an awkward silence, and then she made some suggestions on the design layout. As the meeting went on, she kept deflecting the answers to questions by saying that it was my decision, and then she would suggest something, almost as if she felt guilty or regretted her initial answer. It was weird.  I was thinking to myself, what happened to the girl from my intial meeting?At one point, I asked her if she offers customers the opportunity to see a mock-up of the table arrangments before the ceremony, and she said that she usually only does that for her "higher-end brides."  I looked shocked and a little pissed, and she quickly said that she meant weddings with at least $5000 floral budget.  That wasn't comforting at all seeing as how my proposal with her so far is $4500 and growing. It just seemed like a sh***y thing to say.  I would have much preferred her say that it is typically a service that she offers at a certain price point, but she would be happy to, which she ended up saying anyway two minutes later!!!!Also, at our intial meeting, she suggested that we move the ceremony chairs into the reception area to help cut costs. Then, yesterday, out of nowhere, she said that if she had to move the chairs, "and would have to stay through the event and have a crew stay or come back, then she would have to charge me a fee."  I stopped dead in my tracks, and said "submit a proposal with that fee as soon as possible please."  She started changing her tune, and insisted that moving the chaira is something that the venue staff would "propably do." I reminded her that it was an atypical venue with a limited staff, and while I would check on that, in the interim she needed to be prepared to handle it.I'm a lawyer and pretty savy when dealing with people, but I was caught off guard by the meeting because our intial meeting was so great. As it progressed, she expressed more sensitivity presumably because I changed my posture towards her and became more abrupt and direct, like "I don't have an answer to that now, but I will let you know when I do;" and "I need you to submit a revised proposal regarding this or that as soon as possible."  If she waivered, I would just interrupt, and say "I just need you to address it."  I felt like I had to a little"bi***y with her for her to see some semblance of the person I intially hired.Anyway, when it was over, I felt soo disappointed.  I've been doubting myself, wondering if I mis-read her or misunderstood the difference between a designer/stager and event planner, and worrying that I need to hire another planner to fill in the gap of things that I thought she would do. In the future, my best-friend and bridesmaid will be with me at all future meetings. She planned her wedding and is a great judge of character. Her being there will make me feel better. If she's hears something wrong too, I will know I'm not crazy. Am I crazy?  

Re: What is an event planner? Kinda long post

  • I don't think you are crazy at all. What that lady said was way out of the line. If she is a professional in this business, she should have never said that (I mean the higher end brides comment).  Another thing in your story that worries me is that she would have no good answer to your question, but a simple: That's your decision.Sounds more like an order-taker, and not a creative leader... from what she is selling herself with, she is the person that will plan everything for you... not just follow orders... for that you can hire day labor and a cheap supervisor...I would not trust her. I would search around, ask people for advice and hire another planner for all the design and preparation stuff... you never know who you can find. One of my bridesmaids has a buddhist friend who is a lawyer during work week, and a good-dooer on the weekend. She does floral designs for people and other good things that earn her good karma. I am thinking about hiring her to take care of all those day-of things.Good luck!
  • No you are not crazy.  She seems incompetent and unprofessional.  She had the audacity to say she only shows mock ups to "higher end brides" when you're spending $4500 on her flower arranging skills? WTF?  The supermarket florist shows you mock ups FFS.
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  • Thank you so much for your reply. It was really helpful, and I'm going to start doing research on someone new. For a moment there, I thought I was being punked. I kept thinking "did she really just say that?"
  • Trust your instincts.  Most "first meetings" go well.  If they didn't, then vendors would never get any business.  She's showing her true colors and lack of skill/professionalism now that you're booked.  Fact is that you are paying her to perform a service.  If you don't like the way that she is doing it, get someone else.  Even if it is a matter of her style not meshing with yours, you need to have someone that will work with you.  Go with your gut and get someone else.  If you are unsure if there is a difference between event planner and designer/stager - make sure everything is cleared up in the initial interview.  What exactly the event planner will do, and what services may not be covered, or will require a seperate fee.   
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  • I honestly think that she is a florist pretending to be an event planner. I would go find someone who has experience with the logistics of events and not just the aesthetics.
  • Rugby Bride! My photographer shot a wedding at the reception your wedding will be at... or at least I am assuming it may be there because that's the main pic on your website - Belhurst Castle. Check out his photo of the place: http://www.flickr.com/photos/carpeicthus/4008637852/Check him out: www.ryanbrenizer.com - check out his blog too: www.ryanbrenizer.com/blog
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