Personal Attendants and DOC

blackfire5th · November 2009

Does anyone really need either of these? My church did have a coordinator that was there the day of, but she was mainly there to make sure we didn't ruin anything. Our venue also had a manager that made sure that everything was set up and food was being served etc., but really I think out photographers and DJ did the best job of keeping everything on track. We sat down with them and came up with a timeline and they made sure we kept to it. Other than that I had a watch or DH had a watch and we were easily able to keep track of things. I've also been to weddings that had a very low budget that were basically in a state park with no vendors and family was happy to help out, but really the bride and groom knew when they needed to get dressed and when the ceremony needed to start, etc. If you think about it, you have just spent the last x months planning this and many things are already set, it's not like everyone is scrambling to figure out where they are suppose to be or trying to figure out what is going on. I've also been asked to be the photographer for many family events. While I love photography and taking photos, actually having something like this bestowed upon you makes the day less enjoyable. You really do lose a lot of time to just sit and chat and your stress level does increase because you want to make sure that you get all the right shots and you want to make sure that your loved ones are happy. I would much rather have time to sit and chat and to take photos at my leisure. If a friend or family member does ask me to take photos, I will probably accept because I love them, but it really does take away from the enjoyment of the event. Wow, sorry this got long. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has stories to share about needing a DOC or what it is actually like to work for a loved one's wedding.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

It would be the most awkward conversation ever. I don't know how you could ask a good friend to do that. It's one thing to ask people to pitch in to help you with chores, but to ask people to do them for you because you're "too important" to do them yourself is quite another.

mbcdefg · November 2009

Most weddings in my area have a maitre d', and/or a coordinator provided by the reception hall, that mainly runs the show. Some brides on my local board have also hired a day-of coordinator to help keep things moving smoothly, but personally I've found that those were brides with larger weddings and a lot of details. And the DJ or band leader also seems to be a major force in the timeline of the day. I can understand wanting to hire someone to help with the timeline if you're using a "from scratch" reception hall where no kind of maitre d' or coordinator is provided, though. This board was the first time I've heard of brides appointing friends as Personal Attendants. This was also the first time I'd heard of some brides expecting their bridesmaids to heavily help them during the planning process. I personally would not want to plan a wedding so large or complicated that it required me to hire someone to run things.

SarahPLiz · November 2009

There is a DOC included with my venue, where we are having the ceremony and reception, and I plan to use her to keep everything on schedule. I know myself well enought to know that I am scatterbrained and will more than likely forget something. Also, I don't know how things are supposed to go, as far as timelines, so I am relying on my DOC and caterer to help me pin down how and when things are supposed to happen. I would never ask a friend or family member to do these things for me. In fact, none of my guests or even wedding party will be in on what is going on (vendors, photos, etc) because FI and I are planning everything ourselves and just giving the wedding party a timeline for where we would like them to be when. I played DOC for a friends wedding, where I was also a replacement bridesmaid. Her family is NUTS and they turn every molehill into Mt. Everest. I helped keep her away from the crazyiness and manned the checklists to make sure we had everything before we left the house (bouquet, favors, etc). We ended up forgetting one bag but she and I decided not to tell her family because they are such stress mongers they might just implode. That one was on the most stressful weekends of my life, and I hope to never repeat it. Once the reception was over, I stayed to clean up and make sure all of her personal items (extra favors, centerpieces, etc) were packed up and put in my car. I also had the photographer staying at my house (friend of family). I should say, though, that I volunteered to help her with all this because I knew she wouldnt ask, but that her family would drive her nuts and make her more stressed than she needed to be. SHe appreciated it immensely.

banana468 · November 2009

Ditto about not wanting something so elaborate that it required something else.Our church had a wedding coordinator. She was responsible for running the rehearsal, telling us where flowers and things would need to be delivered and then she assisted on the day of. (Example: The BMs left the limo but I didn't until her call).The reception venue also had a coordinator who made sure that there were vases on tables for the bouquets, that the bridal suite had food, etc. There just wasn't a "need" for anything else.

rainedrop6 · November 2009

I agree with Retread. If you think you'll need something done that you won't be able to handle yourself for any reason, hire someone who is designated to do those things. I didn't want to be put in a position where a guest or member of the WP had to handle something that wasn't their responsibility. I also didn't want mine or my FI's time taken away from our guests, so we have hired a DOC to handle anything that could possibly come up and feel it's well worth the price and piece of mind. At my sister's wedding, there was a problem with the cake and the catering company (who were not the cake bakers) didn't want to take my sister away from the reception so with no DOC, they went to my mom who spent the next 45 minutes trying to contact the baker and fix the problem. This resulted in my mom missing a portion of the reception. Also, I've never been married before and I don't really know the drill. I want someone at the rehersal and wedding (who knows exactly what we want) to tell us what needs to be done to reach our goal with the least amount of confusion. I prefer to have someone with experience leading us as oppossed to feeling like it's the blind leading the blind.

Mrs.B6302007 · November 2009

I can see the need for hiring a DOC if the wedding is a huge affair as far as guest count, WP members, etc. But for the average wedding-on-a-budget 100 guest ceremony, I don't think it's necessary. If it's included with the venue, great if not, I wouldn't pay the money.

banana468 · November 2009

Ditto.And if I needed someone to do those things, I would have paid for that person to do them.It's not an honor to ask my friend to manage the procession or reception.

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

I've thought about a DOC, but I'm so obsessively punctual and I have so many OCD bridesmaids that I don't foresee any issues.I was a guest book attendant at a friend's wedding, because her mom was pretty much running the show and insisted on even sides and including a particular cousin. I was a little worried about having to take care of things at the reception, but found out that nothing was expected of me when I got there. I was invited to everything that the WP was, and got ready with the bride and bridesmaids. Basically the only difference was that I stood smiling with a pen at the entrance of the church for 30 minutes, and the bridesmaids stood smiling with a bouquet at the altar for 30 minutes. Plus I got to wear my own dress and heels, so I think I actually got the better deal.I think I'm going to have to ask for help getting the room set up (the wedding's in a hotel suite, there's really no hired staff available) because it's going to have to happen while we're taking pictures. There isn't a whole lot that will have to be done, and we're going to get a nice gift for whoever we eventually get to take care of it.I firmly believe that when asking for that kind of help with a wedding, the bride needs to be extremely gracious, treating the person as though they're doing her a huge favor rather than being hired help. I also firmly believe that any help you ask for should end at the beginning of the reception, unless the person volunteers to work the party.

banana468 · November 2009

It's different IMO if you're paying your cousin though.

Mrs.B6302007 · November 2009

Ditto. If you've made a business deal and she's happy to have the work, then all is well.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

You're hiring her, not inviting her as a guest then asking if she'd accept the "honor" of working without pay. If she didn't want to work I'm sure she would have declined.

banana468 · November 2009

My guess is she would BB.We actually asked DH's cousin and her husband if they'd be interested in photographing our wedding (they're professional photographers) and they declined saying they would prefer not to feel like hired help at the event where they'd prefer to be guests. We more than understood and invited them to celebrate with the family - and a different photographer was hired instead.

blackfire5th · November 2009

My photographers said that they are always asked to photograph family member weddings, but that they always decline because they don't want to work, they want to actually enjoy the event. But they don't need the extra business. I also have a cousin who is a prof. photographer and we discussed it with them, but in the end we decided to go with someone else because if they did decide to come to the wedding, we didn't want them to work and I feel like you don't want to get into business with family. What if we ended up hating the photos? It's just not worth it to me.

mbcdefg · November 2009

I feel like you don't want to get into business with family. What if we ended up hating the photos? It's just not worth it to me. This is my thought behind hiring family members/friends for certain wedding things.

NotNumbers · November 2009

I don't think the average wedding needs personal attendants or DOC. We've asked a few friends to help with the set up (after they offered) but once the wedding starts I want them to be able to sit back and enjoy it.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

We hired a DOC and it was money well spent. She helped me a lot with planning and staying organized, and she helped with all the little things that came up on the day of, kept us on schedule, did all the decorating and set up at the reception, found my lost FIL and got him to the ceremony, etc. Yes, I could have handled it, but passing it over to someone else was well worth what we paid her. We hired someone that was just getting started, so it was pretty cheap too.That said, I would never dream of asking a guest to do all that work. When she was fixing my broken bustle at the end of the night, I could tell that she was completely exhausted. No way would I ask a friend to do that for free.

leeshab1982 · November 2009

I had never even heard of having a personal assistant before someone mentioned it a while back on a different board. It never crossed my mind to have someone assisting me to get ready. I already have someone doing my hair and makeup...I think I can handle getting dressed on my own. I do it everyday, so I'm pretty good at it

Even if I wanted a PA or DOC, our budget doesn't allow for it. I will just cross my fingers that nothing major goes wrong.One of my BM's is getting married two months after me and she's having a DOC. Her wedding is out of town, so she wants to make sure that everyone has what they need while they're there and she wants the DOC to make sure that the candy buffet stays stocked all night. She actually found a friend of a friend who's going to college to earn a degree in event planning and she was looking for the experience, so it works out nicely for both of them.

Personal Attendants and DOC

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