Not Inviting Kids

erin2345 · November 2009

Hi, I'm new here but have a question for you ladies: I don't want young kids at my wedding. At first I said no one under the drinking age, then compromised to say over 16 b/c my FI has a lot of cousins and some are siblings where one is 'old enough' and the other is like 16, and it wouldnt be fair to not invite one sibling. There are no young kids on my side of the invites, there is 2 families with young kids on FI's side; one family has a 5 and 8 yr old, the other has a 6 and 12 yr old as well as 2 college aged kids. I have no problem putting only the names of the ppl invited on the invite (ex. Aunt, Uncle, College aged Kid 1 & 2 and leaving out the 2 younger ones) My FMIL thinks that if we arent inviting all cousins/young ppl then we shouldnt invite any extened family at all (yes, she means no aunts, uncles, just FI's immediate family). She's driving me nuts. How do I say I am not inviting the younger ones but I am still going to invite FI's aunts and uncles and older cousins. My family is paying.

kikibaby · November 2009

I assume your own child will be there? Normally I'm ok with no kid weddings, but since you will obviously have a young child, it seems slightly unfair.

banana468 · November 2009

So you're contemplating inviting parents and two out of four children?Yes, you CAN do that but you have to be prepared that some will consider it a very visible to slight to split the family.Can you invite just the cousins but not the children of the cousins?Anytime you do something like that, a cleaner cut off makes more sense. For example, we invited our cousins and their children but not children of friends (unless they were nursing).

sarah0725 · November 2009

What does FI think? Does he want his cousins there?Also, are you really just talking about four kids, or are there a bunch of others that you didn't mention? Is it worth getting in a big fight with your FILs over four kids?Is your child going to be at the wedding?

banana468 · November 2009

Sarah brings up excellent points. Where is your FI in this and how many children are you saying you'll be omitting?

tidetravel · November 2009

You're right about addressing the invites to only those people invited. Frankly, FMIL can think whatever she wants; she's not paying and she really doesn't have a say in the guest list. You have set a clear cut rule about the kids, and as long as you stick to it, you should be ok.Keep in mind that those families w/ younger kids may be offended that you're not including their kids, and they may decine because of it. Or, they may try to write them into the RSVP. Of course, from what you're describing, you're only talking about 4 underage kids. It may be worth it to include them and avoid the ensuing drama.

tidetravel · November 2009

Oooh. Somehow I missed that the younger kids are FI's 1st cousins. If that's the case, if you invite some cousins, they should be invited as well.

sucrets4 · November 2009

I think it's rude to not invite FI's first cousins, regardless of age, especially if you're splitting up a family. You're talking 4 kids, not 40, and usually the venue gives you a discount.Fwiw, we split a family, but they were old neighbors of mine, and I have a relationship with the older 2 and barely know the younger 3 because I used to babysit them.

LP11509 · November 2009

We're hiring a babysitter for the kids who aren't invited to the wedding/reception (we're only inviting kids over 12). Haven't decided if the babysitting site will be at my parents house or just a room in the hotel where the reception is yet. But this lets OOT guests who can't travel without their children an opportunity to still come if they want, and not have to worry about their kids. Would something like that be doable for you?

erin2345 · November 2009

I will be getting a babysitter for my child, and the baby and sitter will be at the hotel we are having the reception at (close by if they need me). So, my own child will not be there. I didn't want any kids (18 and younger), but compromised bc of the families that have kids 19+ as well as older teenagers. There is only the one family with 2 kids that would be excluded, and another family where both their kids would be excluded. Mostly its just my FMIL saying that if I dont invite all the kids then she only wants to invite FI's immediate family (8 people!). But I guess its not up to her anyways, and I should just invite who I want to invite. FI doesnt care about kids coming. But he has met these kids maybe 5 times. But, he is also leaving the planning up to me and my mom.

Mrs.B6302007 · November 2009

There are an awful lot of "I"s in your post.

mwhitson14 · November 2009

There is only the one family with 2 kids that would be excludedThen, IMO, suck it up and invite them. I am not in favor of splitting up families, and 2 kids are not going to break your budget and/or ruin your wedding. Especially if they are OOT.

Puppylove*85 · November 2009

In some circles, weddings are family affairs. Is it really worth it to create possible issues with your FILs over four children? Is there a particular reason why you are set against having children attend?

banana468 · November 2009

That's an awful large can of worms you may be opening fir four children. Is it worth starting off your life in your new family that way?

Mrs.B6302007 · November 2009

Wait. This is all about TWO KIDS? Really?Let it go and invite them.

sarah0725 · November 2009

How old will your child be at your wedding? When is your wedding? Why are you so adamant about not having kids?I really would invite the four extra kids in this case. I can understand people cutting out kids when it makes a difference in the guest list by 40 people, but four? So not worth it.

[Deleted User] · November 2009

i don't see the problem with splitting up a family. imo anyone who'd have a problem with that has a skewed sense of entitlement. when i was growing up, my older sister got to do plenty of things before me because she was older. i don't see why this needs to be any different.

tbh33 · November 2009

I know you don't want younger kids, but I'd definitely invite the 2 to avoid splitting the family. Heck, I'd invite the 4 young cousins just to appease the FMIL. The cost for the 4 kids will end up being much less than the cost of the headache you'll have to endure in the future from FMIL.

banana468 · November 2009

Daff, I agree that she *can* do this.But if she knows that it's going to open a can of worms, is it worth it?

katiewhompus · November 2009

Not inviting anyone under the age of 16 doesn't really bug me, although I think 2 kids is such a small deal that I don't get why you're all out of shape with this.Honestly, it does make me sad that you aren't including your own child in a day that is going to give her a new dad. How does she feel about not being included?

tidetravel · November 2009

Psst, Katie - Judging by the ticker and TWO badges, I think it's pretty apparent that the child is still a fetus - thus, no opinions.

Not Inviting Kids

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