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Wedding Dilema

blueeyed_jennblueeyed_jenn
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance and I just lost our wedding venue.  We had already sent out save the dates to approximately 100 people.  Now that this has happened we have are re-evaluating having that large of a wedding.  We have started to lean towards a smaller wedding with just our close family and a few select friends in order to keep the cost down.  It also looks like we might end up having to change the date of our wedding.  Any suggestions for how this should be handled?  We do not want to offend anyone or have them upset.  But we now have expenses that we initially didn't anticipate that put even more restrictions on our already tight wedding budget.Any help at all is greatly appreciated.
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Re: Wedding Dilema

  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Yikes, well etiquette dictates that you have to invite anyone you sent a STD card to.  If your situation is really that extreme though and you absolutely have to change the date and cut the guest list, the only thing you can do is send a card to everyone that got an STD that says something like "The wedding of Jenn and Jenn's FI will not take place as planned.  Thank you for your understanding." and then later send out invitations only to those invited.  Skip STDs the second go around.Before you do what I said above, you should seriously consider just having a cake and punch reception with the people who got STD cards, or whatever ways you can seriously cut back your budget.  There are a million ways.
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  • eastunder1eastunder1
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Sending someone a STD then not inviting them makes you an @sshole.  It doesn't matter the reason, unless it is because you have totally scrapped the wedding.   Does it mean the world is going to end?  No.  But you'll still be an @sshole to the people you cut out.  If you're ok with that, proceed.  If not, keep your original list. 

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  • goheels05goheels05
    2500 Comments
    Wow, that was a dumb thing to do.You should invite everyone you sent STDs to.  There are plenty of ways to cut your costs without being rude to people you've essentially already invited to the wedding.
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    When you sent the STD you took on the obligation to invite these folks to your wedding. If you have a much smaller budget cut your honeymoon entirely, cut the reception to simply coffee and cake but you willingly took on the obligation to invite these people to your wedding and to fail to do show says that you are a rude couple and that you do not care one iota about these people.
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Come over to the budget board and find ways to cut your budget so you can invite all these people.  It's very rude to cut them after you already invited them (STD = Invitation)
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  • SwedishChick2011SwedishChick2011
    2500 Comments
    How exactly did you lose your venue?
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  • blueeyed_jennblueeyed_jenn
    First Comment
    I understand that it is very rude.  However, my grandmother just passed away and the money we had been saving towards our wedding now has to go towards finding a new place to live.  We had been living in her home and taking care of it while we saved.  Since she passed away, we started struggling with how to come up with the money to cover what we already planned.  So where as I had a $3,000 budget to begin with is now being cut back to virtually nothing.  With my current obstacles, I am very close to breaking down and cancelling the wedding all together.  I love him and want to be his wife but nothing says we have to be married.  If this is going to cause that big of a problem, then we will have to just not get married at all.Thank you for your input.  I know now what we need to do.
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  • vicmo5vicmo5 member
    500 Comments
    I am very close to breaking down and cancelling the wedding all together. I love him and want to be his wife but nothing says we have to be married.I think people will understand if you go to the JOP and have a small intimate dinner afterward.  You can be married for very little money.
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You know you can just go to the JOP right?  That costs like under $100 for a marriage license.
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    Your origional wedding date was not until march. You and Fi could work some extra time or a second job and still pull of a frugal but lovely coffee and cake reception for 100. Coffee and cake at a hall can be done very inexpensive like under 1K
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  • goheels05goheels05
    2500 Comments
    I'm sorry about your grandmother, but it doesn't really change etiquette in this situation.  You don't need $3,000 to get married.  All you need is a groom and a marriage license (mine cost $10).  Maybe you should postpone or call the big wedding off and go to the courthouse.  GL.
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You don't need $3,000 to get married. All you need is a groom and a marriage license (mine cost $10)I'm jealous your license only cost $10.  Mine costs $93!
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  • blueeyed_jennblueeyed_jenn
    First Comment
    We lost our wedding venue because the guy who owned it is losing it.  He is having to cancel all upcoming weddings.  The only good thing is that we did get our deposit back.  There really is no other way to trim my budget without cutting people.  I have evaluated this in every way possible.  I already had a friend taking pictures.  A co-worker was making my cake.  Plus we had no honeymoon booked at all because we could not afford it.  My wedding dress was a bargain at $200.  We had already made as many cuts in the beginning as possible.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I love him and want to be his wife but nothing says we have to be married. If this is going to cause that big of a problem, then we will have to just not get married at all.Then just cancel the whole wedding and go to the courthouse and get married.  You can get married without having a big traditional wedding.
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  • blueeyed_jennblueeyed_jenn
    First Comment
    ffmaid, unfortunately i am not able to work a second job or get overtime.  i work a full 40 hours a week and take 12 hours of classes at a local university.  he is unable to work a second job because of his daughter.
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You can totally cut more money.  Find a park or something for free or really cheap to get married in.  Hold the reception in the same location and just serve cake and punch.  It's totally possible to pull a wedding off on little money.And like I said before, if you don't like that, go to the JOP.
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  • vicmo5vicmo5 member
    500 Comments
    Perhaps you should start a wedding donation website.
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    I love him and want to be his wife but nothing says we have to be married. If this is going to cause that big of a problem, then we will have to just not get married at all.So, do you want to have a marriage or a wedding?  Because they're different.  You do not need to have a party to be his wife, if you cannot afford it.  It may suck, and you can be disappointed, but in the end, the important thing is (or, should be) that you are husband and wife.You have 2 choices at this point.  Invite everyone as planned and scale back the wedding to a simple cake and punch reception.  orSend out notifications saying that the wedding will not take place as planned, cut the guest list to an intimate size (10ish or less) w/ immediate family only, go to the JOP and a nice dinner after.
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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  • scoettoscoetto member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    J & I were married by a JOP and had the party about a year later. At the time it was just the two of us. We went out to dinner that night (just the two of us) and hung out with friends later that night. Then we had an additional year to save for what we wanted and pulled off a really amazing, laid back party for our family & friends. It's not so horrible to do. You can do something similar and still wear your dress. Julezlee had a court hosue wedding. Hers was fantastic! We also scaled back our guest list after we sent out STDs. But we had a huge life changing event happen and needed to do so. We were prepared to lose people as friends, but those who really cared about us understood the reasonings for scaling back are the ones who still stuck around and are our friends today. Do what you think is best. Etiquette wise, thsese girls are right, though.
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    I'm so sorry.People will understand. Send out a card that states the wedding of A & B has been canceled or postponed. (depending on if you are JOP or just moving the date back several years.) If you JOP you can have a vow renewal in several years (if you want) or push the date back a few years. we are having a very very long engagement b/c of money.

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    Married 9/15/11

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