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at a loss for words.

Kim84mKim84m member
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in New Jersey - South
So I've always looked up to my older brother, but right now I think he's just done the stupidest thing he's ever done. So when I got engaged back in June, and I called my brother to tell him, he had nothing to say but "WOW." he wasn't trying to be mean, but he wasn't really being nice either, and it took me a minute to realize, "oh.. .you're going to be in trouble, aren't you?" and he responded "yes, yes I am" because he's been with his live in girl friend far longer than I have been with my FI. Well I just got a text from his girlfriend with a picture of an engagement ring. I called her to ask her what the deal was, and she told me to ask him. So I called him and he told me he has no intention what so ever to marry her and doesn't want to be questioned by anyone. He says she just has an expensive ring on her finger, it makes her happy, and nothing has changed. He got very snippy about how everyone is taking it the wrong way, and I tried to step lightly and explain that he's going to have to be prepared for people to take it the wrong way. So I told my dad and he said that my brother "just bought her a shut up ring, because she wouldn't shut up about getting married, but what he doesn't realize is her parents and friends reactions, and how he just bought himself a very expensive break up ring." I guess I don't have to talk any sense into my brother because I guess he's going to hear it enough from everyone else. I don't know that I'm looking for any advice really, I just wanted to share this story with you girls because I'm still in shock and just scratching my head.
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Re: at a loss for words.

  • ShakiShaki
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    wow thats crazy. i dont even know what to say to that lol
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  • miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can 100% imagine my brother doing something like that! Some guys dont understand the consequences of what they're doing. Good luck handling the fallout from this one!
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
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    edited December 2011
    Wow, he's really treating his girlfriend like crap!  I hope she finally comes to her senses and dumps him (I know he's your brother, but come on, this is bad)!
    Anniversary Visit The Nest!Visit The Nest!
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  • Kim84mKim84m member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't know that I'd say he's treating her like crap. He just really doesn't want to get married, and she really does. He doesn't want to lose her so he came up with this "genius plan." My best friend said that if her DH had given her an engagement ring and then told her she couldn't plan a wedding that she'd cry. But I don't think that makes him a jerk, I think it makes him an idiot.
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    What does he have against getting married?
    Anniversary Visit The Nest!Visit The Nest!
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  • Kim84mKim84m member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I don't really know. He hasn't really talked to me about it, but my dad keeps saying it's because all his coworkers that are married are either miserable, or divorced and paying lots of alimony. He was never this way growing up, so I don't really understand it, and he just gets mad when I question him about it. I also kinda think if his girlfriend was a little more patient and a little less pressuring, he woulda come around on his own. He certainly has never liked anyone telling him what to do. It's kinda funny though my mom said today that all three of her kids now have rings, but I'm the only one actually getting married. (my older sister announced her engagement like a week or two after me, but they have no intention of setting a date)
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  • Irishgrl417Irishgrl417
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Being an idiot and a jerk are not mutually exclusive. You can think he's both and still love him because he's your brother.If she has been pressuring him to get married and got a ring even with a "we're not really getting married" disclaimer attached, it still probably got her hopes up that he's slowly coming around which is a jerky thing to do. What is he going to do when the novelty of the shiny new ring wears off and she gets tired of dodging questions & puts the pressure on to set a date? He's either going to give in and become the miserable married or divorced person he doesn't want to be (idiot) or call it off and be the bad guy (jerk). Go check out the NEY board, she's probably been planning their wedding since you got engaged.
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
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  • Kim84mKim84m member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    ugh. I hope not. I just did a quick scan and don't think I see anything from her. I know she has been planning their wedding since I've been engaged. I kinda had the whole prediction that in 6 months they'd either be engaged or broken up, but I didn't see this coming.
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  • Kim84mKim84m member
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    edited December 2011
    Soooo my dad just got off the phone with my brother and apparently my brother is calling it "a domestic partnership with no paperwork." He told my dad that neither one of them wanted to get married but that is NOT what she told me yesterday. She called it a "compromise." Which I think will be temporary once the novelty of the sparkly ring wears off, and she gets tired of dodging questions. Apparently her father is mad my brother didn't ask him first.
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  • miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My brother literally said "what married people do you know who say they love being married". I think guys like to act like its their ball and chain so their friends who are single are petrified of getting married. When I announced my engagement my brother's response was "wow". He was best man in two friend's weddings the year before, but for some reason my engagement really hit him because I never wanted/dreamed of being married. His friends were always on that path forever and he expected them to be married, like it wasnt a choice it was inevitable. Funny! Maybe you brother realize that if he's keeping her around (not breaking up) then what's the difference between that commitment and actually marrying her.
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If he's not careful, he's going to lose her eventually.
    Anniversary Visit The Nest!Visit The Nest!
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  • Kim84mKim84m member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    miguelhilary2010- that's what I hope Musicheals71- that's what I fear his girlfriend hasn't changed her facebook status to "engaged" but she did post pics of the ring. to which she got a lot of "congrats" and a lot of "you set a date yet?" and her response was to say no date, but talk about some plans...... so it's really not looking good. unless her plan to keep everyone from adding their two cents is to play it that way. i dont know.
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  • mumidimumidi
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, they need to have an honest discussion.  If she wants to get married and he absolutely does not they need to decide if they want to stay together as is or get married or break up, but this "ring" is not going to solve the problem.
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