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Totally "Non-Traditional"

Jevonb7Jevonb7
in DC
My FI and I have approached everything in a non traditional manner but not on purpose. He proposed without the ring. 2 weeks later we went shopping for the ring and set the date for November 2010. 2 months later we decided we couldn't wait and decided to get married. We still want to do a full ceremony on the date that we chose in 2010. Am I wrong for still wanting to have an engagement party or bridal shower? We agreed to only tell our immediate family (parents and siblings) and to keep the marriage quiet until next year. I'm not sure how to proceed with the plans. HELP!
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Re: Totally "Non-Traditional"

  • Lyss5782Lyss5782
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have a problem with engagement parties in general UNLESS they specify no gifts.  I just think with all the "events" it seems a little gift-grabby...but just a party to party Im fine with. And I dont know, in my mind there is something "off" about you having a shower when youre already married.  I think as a guest it might bother me if I found out...
    226 Invitedimage 153 Are Ready to Partyimage 68 Are Washing Their Hairimage 5 Better Not Make Me Hunt Them Downimage RSVP Date: June 15
    July 10, 2010
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  • nooniesinlovenooniesinlove
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You don't throw parties or showers for yourself. This is something that your friends and families do for you as a gift. Keeping a marriage secret is rarely (if ever) good idea. Someone WILL find out sooner or later (I promise), and the result is never pretty. You guys may be spontaneous - which is not a bad thing - but you need to let your family and friends in on this ENORMOUS thing that you two have done. Trust me, if you two don't tell your families soon, there will be major feelings hurt. My sister didn't tell us that she was married until weeks after the fact; it took a long, long time to get over the hurt of that deception, and it's not because we're stuffy or anything. People like to share in your joy, and those closest to you may feel like you don't think that they are important. If you really feel the need to have a large ceremony after you're already married, you should tell your family and plan an anniversary celebration or something; it will be close to a year, right?
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  • scoettoscoetto member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    There is nothing wrong with getting married in 2009 and having the party in 2010 on the date you planned, however they (your guests) need to know you are married. Also, as a married woman you are not entitled to engagement parties (you're already married), bachlorette parties (you're already married) or bridal showers (you're already married).

    My DH & I got married in 2008 3 mos after we were engaged and still had the ceremony & reception with family and friends (it's called a vow renewal at this point) on the original date we chose in 2009. Please tell your remaining family and friends that you are married. Why keep it a secret? So you rushed into things and got excited! Now let them share in your excitement and help you plan! You will be floored with all the support you get during your planning of your renewal. I know I was.

    Good luck!
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