Would this be strange?

PreppySailor · November 2009

Fi and I were planning to use 'Into the Mystic' by Van Morrison as our first dance song, we both really love it.But Fi's dad passed away in July and this song was played at his funeral (one of 3 songs). Would it be strange to still use this as a first dance song. We are both unsure.Is this something people will remember, and if they do will they think it's nice or strange?

shannonalise · November 2009

This is tough. I think you're running the risk of bringing the mood down to a solemn place, but it also might be a nice nod to his father. Personally, I think it might make things sad if there are guests there that might associate the song with FI's dad.

shannonalise · November 2009

*FI's dad's funeral, I should clarify.

lauralaur · November 2009

If I did remember that it was played at his funeral I would probably think of his funeral and then be sad. I would not think it was strange. It's just a song that means a lot to more than two people in your family. If you don't think it will remind people of the service then use it, especially if you both love it.

janedoe1113a · November 2009

I think it would be strange.

MeaghanandMichael · November 2009

Personally, I think that song could be seen as a beautiful love song, or a tribute to a loved one. Both are great ways to think of it and I think his dad would be smiling down to see you two use it. Any one who remembers probably wouldn't think it was weird, but really awesome. At least that's how I would see it. For one of my wedding readings, (about love) we used the same passage we used in my grandmother's funeral a few years before. It had meaning to us as a family and I loved it.

[Deleted User] · November 2009

I love that song, but I agree that it might bring the mood down a bit. On the other hand, it would be a nice way to honor his dad.

punkyb2b · November 2009

What if you danced with your new FIL to that song? that way the father daughter dance would have some connection to your dad?

PreppySailor · November 2009

The people I foresee being sad about it are Fi's mom and sister. I guess we should talk to them about it before deciding. In the summer before the funeral they told us about the song choice and we both said Oh that's our first dance song, but we understood that Fi's dad loved it too.It will probably be best to choose another song.Any ideas??

PreppySailor · November 2009

Sorry Punky, it was FIL who passed away, my dad and I get along but won't be having a 'special dance'

[Deleted User] · November 2009

I love Crazy Love by Van Morrison. Not sure if it's first dance material, but it's one of my favorites.

tenofcups4me · November 2009

That's a great song and one I wanted at my first wedding, but ended up not using for various reasons. My only concern would be for those closest to you and FH's father and how they feel about it -- would it bring your FH down to hear it at his wedding? How do you think his mother and any siblings would respond? Those are the only people I'd be concerned with. If they're all good with it, I'd go ahead and use it. But I think it's something you should probably run by them first.

tenofcups4me · November 2009

I posted as you were already answering my questions in your own post! If you think it will make his mother and sisters sad, then it's probably not worth it. If you're going for the classic Van Morrison feel, Have I Told You Lately is also a good first dance song.

RachNRich · November 2009

I always go by these words of wisdom: "If I have to ask someone if something is strange, chances are it is"

punkyb2b · November 2009

Oh geez, Im an idiot. I read that wrong. Sorry. Yes, I think the potential for your FMIL and FSIL feeling weird would be enough reason to not use that song. Use it later back in your hotel room to dance together privately

PreppySailor · November 2009

Thanks everyone, sounds like it may be too risky, and we definitely don't want to upset anyone. Perhaps good for an end of the night song? We love it because we like sailing with my family and fi always calls me his gypsy lol.

MeaghanandMichael · November 2009

awww welll, pretty much any Van Morrison song is AWESOME for a wedding.

missy68 · November 2009

How about Tupelo Honey as an alternate song?

VeganBride2008 · November 2009

I think you should use it. I think that for your fiance, it might be nice to have a presence of his dad there and for everyone if it makes them think of him in a happy way that is nice too. The fact is that people will be feeling his loss at the wedding. I was married in June. My father died nine years ago and my husbands father died ten years ago, my brother took his life in February. The decision to proceed on with the wedding after my brothers death was tough, but we did it because he would have wanted me to. We walked down the aisle to Joe Cocker's have a little faith in me, because his voice reminds me (and pretty well everyone who knew him) of my dad, and he wasn't going to be there. Our cocktail and dinner music was a huge tribute to the music my father and brother and I all loved and it made me feel close to them - and we entered the dining room to a Randy Travis song (forever and ever amen) because he was my brother and my dads favourite. Music is a nice way to keep people with you and allows people the space to think on their own terms. All of this to say - you will never get through the day without people feeling sad and feeling his loss. My husbands best friend broke into sobs when talking about his father even after all of this time - giving up the song you imagine yourself sharing together, and that his father loved isn't going to bring him back, but enjoying it at this happy time might help to keep him close.

NJMom050911 · November 2009

Personally I think that the first dance song is about the two of you and you should be thinking about each other and this special day and your future together as you dance. Picking this song will guarantee that BOTH of you will be thinking about his father. Not only might that not give you that special happy married feeling, but it might make him or you or both upset if not the rest of the immediate family. It might be a joyous occassion but he will not be there to share in it and that might make for a somber dance.

phut_action · November 2009

I think it'd be nice, Almost like a tribute to him in his absence, as well as a love song for the two of you. Only advice I'd give is immediately follow it with something fun and upbeat, whether its another song for everyone or like the cake cutting, something to turn the mood from bittersweet/sad to cheerful.

If you are afraid you have some over-sensitive people on his side of the family, I might ask them (like his mom) if they'd be ok with it, just to be considerate. I dont think its worth causing problems over, there's plenty of wonderful love songs out there.

gigipurr84 · November 2009

You should only go with a song that you feel comfortable about playing. If you are up there dancing to this and wondering if people are sad by the reminder, then that means you are not confident about it. I would choose something that you two would consider "yours," not associated with anyone else. Although, it would be an okay idea to play that song at some point later on in the evening as an acknowledgement to your Fl's dad.

fayem · November 2009

I just wanted to say that my fiance and I are dancing to Van Morrison's Into the Mystic for our first dance song too! LOVE IT!

themidge · November 2009

if it's weird for you, yes. i'm not sure if people would remember that or not. if it were my own wedding i don't think i would use it.

rlyttle · November 2009

We went with Baby I love your Way- Peter Frampton
Into the Mystic was my husbands choose, but we decided on the above

shakes · November 2009

I do personally think it would be strange. I would think it would effect more than just his wife and daughter to be honest. It will be hard enough on everyone knowing it's only been a short time since he passed. I remember quite a few songs played at many a funeral because I think that way, those kinds of things stay in my mind for many years.

And really, no one wants to see your MIL sobbing with grief, it will be hard enough on her just knowing he's missing this huge wonderful day, esp since he obviously loved you very much.
DH and I used "Dream a little Dream" By Tony Bennett and KD Lang. We still get compliments on the uniqueness and truthfulness of that song.

goetzr19 · November 2009

I would advise talking to your Fi's mom and sister about it. What about having your DJ or emcee, when making the announcement of your first dance, make a small mention of how important this song is to you, and to your Fi's dad? If your Fi's dad was close to you and to your Fi during your relationship, this would be a very nice nod to him. Think of it this way--it is YOUR wedding, and if YOU and your FI think it would be a good gesture, then go with it. I have very unique, odd favors, which are being looked at kind of strangely, but they are important to me and my FI, so I am going with it. Just go with your gut feeling!!!

GOOD LUCK!!

mandibear223 · November 2009

Honestly I think that it is all how the both of you look at it, if it is a song that you both love and something that could help you incorperate the memory of his father into the wedding even though he cannot be there physically, by all means use it. There are a million different ways to honor those that we have lost by making them a part of our special day. My fiance and I are getting married on my grandmothers birthday, despite the fact that the date falls on Friday the 13th, because it is important to me that I include a part of her (she raised me) on my wedding day. I attended a wedding a few months ago where the brides grandmother had died from cancer a few years prior, they had her grandfather get up at the beginning of the ceremony and light a candle then the pastor said a special prayer. You have to do what you and your fiance feel comfortable with, afterall it is YOUR wedding

[Deleted User] · November 2009

I think it could serve as a nice tribute to his dad.

Would this be strange?

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