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PARENTS STRESSED

jessicalumbardjessicalumbard member
100 Comments Third Anniversary
in Illinois-Chicago
Hey everyone -

my parents are making me feel so stressed in this beginning of wedding planning.  My mom and I went and looked at reception sites yesterday, and realized that a Saturday wedding is going to be really pushing our budget...we found one perfect place and my mom and I were totally on board for having a Friday wedding (my fiance's mom was there and she said she thinks it would be fine with her family...so do we).  That way we would EASILY be able to fit everything else into our budget.  But my dad is SOOOOO against a Friday wedding (even though he's never experienced one) and has put his foot down and says it HAS to be on a Saturday. That's fine, I was just trying to save THEM money by having it on Friday, as now we're upping our budget for Saturday...but now my mom called this morning and said "You realize you are going to have to now pay for this and this and this and this" (which wouldn't have happened for Friday)...I was prepared to pay for certain things, like gifts for our attendants, but other things are what we could have easily fit into the budget on Friday. I'm not sure if SHE is just saying this (and my dad doesn't know and disagrees) or what...I'm just STRESSED and need some support!!
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Re: PARENTS STRESSED

  • kthamekthame
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Maybe in this situation it would be best to sit your parents down. I'm not sure what your agreement is, but by the sound of it, your parents are paying for the wedding, or at least most of it.

    The items that your Mom is saying you now need to pay for...are they BIG-ticket items, items that you think you cannot afford? If that is the case, then I think it's best for you to really talk to your father, and let him know you don't want to go for broke on your wedding, and that having a Friday wedding is quite common, and would save them a LOT of money!

    I have heard horror stories from Brides & Grooms whose parents pay for their weddings...it becomes more what THEY want vs. what the actual Bride & Groom want...and that's just not how it should be. It would be one thing if your parents were offering to pay for your Friday wedding and you were stomping your feet having a fit because you wanted a Saturday wedding, but that's not the case.

    Try talking to your parents, maybe after the holidays...if possible. I'm sure everything will work out okay.

    Good Luck!
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  • sgyllingsgylling
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I thought the first month of planning was so stressful. It is the time where you realize, holy $%$ this is going to cost what?? Once you get past the reception site, it gets a lot less stressful I think.

    I would try and sit down with your family and all have a discussion about it. Put the numbers on paper and have an open conversation with everyone there. That way you know that everyone else is informed too. You'll make it through it! But honestly that beginning time and choosing the venue was really stressful for me too! Good Luck!!
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  • NoronNoron member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto sgylling - I HATED finding our venue!  It was crazy stressful.  It does get better, I promise!  Well, then it gets worse around 2 weeks out...but that's neither here nor there :)
    In trying to keep our budget, we opted for a Saturday during the off-season, which can range anywhere from November through March (we found the best deals in January, though).  Maybe this is something that can help you?  If you're willing to move your date, you can ask the venue if they offer off-season pricing.
    Hang in there - it WILL get better!
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  • jessicalumbardjessicalumbard member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies!

    kthame - my mom mentioned things like the limo...which, I know, if it came down to it, we don't have to have...but that can get pretty expensive! I DO feel like it's turning into what my dad wants...I know my mom and I both feel he is being a little ridiculous...save $4,000 for a Friday wedding and we can easily fit in everything, or UP the budget $5000 so it's on a Saturday (he said he doesn't want people to think he's "cheap")...my mom and I don't think people would think that, we could have a REALLLLY nice Friday wedding! But he isn't changing his mind...

    sgylling - Yeah, I think the problem is how opposite my parents are...my mom is in sticker shock and my dad just is stuck on not wanting people to think he is cheap!

    Noron - that is a good though, for off-season...the only problem is my fiance will still be in school...so unless it's over Christmas, it won't work so well =/ And P.S...how do you get your ticker on the bottom of your post? I've been trying and it won't work!

    Thanks everyone! You helped destress me a bit!

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  • NoronNoron member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI is also in school for his 2nd bachelor's, which is why we chose January 2nd. He doesn't go back until the 11th, which gives us time for a honeymoon. :)
    As for the ticker, there's the "Wedding Tickers" link on the left - it should talk you through it and let you know what to put in your siggy.  GL!
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  • jbll326jbll326 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Haha, we're having a Friday wedding during the off season, so your Dad would probably think we're super cheap! But now we get to have the wedding of our dreams instead of a tightly budgeted and stressful one.
    Off day weddings are so incredibly popular now - I'm only going to 1 Saturday wedding this year! Everything else is Friday or Sunday.  For many people, they choose a Friday for a number of reasons beyond cost, especially because of the increased availability of all vendors (not just venue). We love it because our OOT guests can enjoy a weekend in Chicago after the wedding!

    I would really try to sell your Dad on a Friday wedding. It will make the planning process so much less stressful for all of you, but especially you and your FI! Bat the eyelashes and pull out all the "Daddy's little girl" moves...I mean, you're trying to save him money here! It shouldn't be that hard! But seriously, like other pps have said, have a serious sit down with your parents and your fiance and make a list of all of the pros and cons of a Friday wedding and of a Saturday wedding and have a frank discussion about what is really important to you. GL!
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  • ladybug7485ladybug7485 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We're having a Friday wedding and at first my dad was opposed to it but it was more because he thought it would inconveniance guests. The wedding coordinator at our reception site helped a lot because she started telling him that Friday weddings are more and more common and that people from out of town then have the whole weekend to enjoy if they want. He came around pretty quickly.
    Overall I've found that the main savings have been on the reception site and most of our other vendors have said that it's the same price for both days but I think that it's because it's becoming more common.
    I think ultimatly you have to decide what you really want and be able to sit down with your parents and put a budget down on paper so there's not any confusion later (hopefully).
    HTH! Good luck!
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  • jessicalumbardjessicalumbard member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone...my mom, even though she agrees Friday makes more sense, said that if it's THIS important to my dad to have it on a Saturday, we are...really no room for discussion.  Oh well, I'm just gonna have to go from there! Thanks for all the support...it really helps!!

    jbll326 - you made me laugh, thanks :)
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  • jbll326jbll326 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad - you'll need lots of laughs through this whole process! My FI and I have kept up our senses of humor and it's what's keeping us going when things get really stressful! :) Just keep in mind the end goal here - you're marrying the man you love and that's all that matters, Friday wedding or not!
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  • Manditchka24Manditchka24
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with above posters. Working out a budget and picking out a location that we liked the most that also worked the best with our budget was the most stressful part, as well. So don't worry, it will get better once that is over! Good luck with whatever you choose!
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  • jessicalumbardjessicalumbard member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    jbll- Yes, my fiance's already being SO great trying to destress me and things are alot better! You're right...all that matters is that we are getting married! Thanks! :)

    Manditchka - thanks! I'm glad I'm a planner and that we most likely will have the reception hall booked within the next few weeks!! Then hopefully the stress calms down a bt!
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