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Do WE have a problem with gift-giving?

summerbride11summerbride11
500 Comments
in African American Weddings
I'm piggy-backing off of hisSparklet's post about RSVPing and it had me wondering about gifts. Don't get me wrong, I'm not as shallow to think that a gift is everything. It's just that I couldn't imagine going to someone's wedding or event and not bringing a gift. I'd honestly, rather not attend than to show up without a gift. On an episode of Bridezilla, this girl had a bridal shower and only had two gifts to open. It had me thinking that there are certain people who always ask me to bring their 50-million kids to my events and never bring a gift. What is your experience?
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Re: Do WE have a problem with gift-giving?

  • kittybuttonkittybutton
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh Im with you on this one. I too feel like if I dont have a gift I just cant come. BUT I do get gifts off their registry. Whats the point of them having one if no one is going to use it. BUT yeah I give gifts and good ones too (pats self on back ) lol
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  • sweets18sweets18
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am definitely a gift giver! And I can't stand when people don't or when they decide to give you whatever they want to. Especially after you have spent hours creating a registry! At the same time, I want to just be grateful, take the gift and ask them if they have a receipt or where they got it from!




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  • summerbride11summerbride11
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The more I think about it; this isn't a Black/White issue in my experience; it's a Ghetto issue.  I'm starting to purposely plan parties when I know that some of DH's associates are on vacation. It's the same thing; they'll bring all their friends and family, eat all the food and never bring a gift (showers, wedding, whatever)
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  • hisSparkletthisSparklett
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    HAHHAHA! I love this!! Because yes WE do! I am actually embarassed if I show up someplace without a gift so I always give but others...not so much!
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  • summerbride11summerbride11
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    One of my co-workers (who is White) was complaining about people RSVP'd NO to her daughter's wedding and some didn't send a check. Yes, she was mad at ppl who WEREN'T attending the wedding, but didn't send anything. I was like " Are you kidding me, we had guests in attendance who didn't bring a gift."  She was appauled and looked at me like I had 5 heads. 
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  • prettymami2prettymami2
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Its not an issue if we don't make it known upfront. If I know particular peoples money situation etc... then it's all good. Show up with something.
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  • summerbride11summerbride11
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_problem-gift-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:95bbcf0c-a773-4a46-82b1-8aa1f76f4c7fPost:b72ca33f-5d68-40e9-88b1-43799ba21ed1">Re: Do WE have a problem with gift-giving?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Its not an issue if we don't make it known upfront. If I know particular peoples money situation etc... then it's all good. Show up with something.
    Posted by prettymami2[/QUOTE]

    That's understandable. I mean we actually told our wedding party and parents not to get us anything...they had already done so much and spent so much. And we didn't expect anything from guests that had to travel.  I'm talking about ghetto-ness; people who never RSVP, show up with themselves and others and  never bring gifts.  But then they complain on FB when their not invited places.

    Maybe I'm just in a bitchy, venting mood today or maybe I'm just flat out wrong. You can tell me, I can take it, lol. I don't get offended, I can be wrong.
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  • kiyamurphkiyamurph
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_problem-gift-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:95bbcf0c-a773-4a46-82b1-8aa1f76f4c7fPost:c41b1e30-e925-4cfd-90d8-76d380a2b092">Re: Do WE have a problem with gift-giving?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>The more I think about it; this isn't a Black/White issue in my experience; it's a Ghetto issue.</strong>  I'm starting to purposely plan parties when I know that some of DH's associates are on vacation. It's the same thing; they'll bring all their friends and family, eat all the food and never bring a gift (showers, wedding, whatever)
    Posted by summerbride11[/QUOTE]

    Girl, truer words have never been spoken!  That's exactly why I'm worried about FI's side of the family because they are truely ghetto in every sense of the word!
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  • tyboydtyboyd member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_problem-gift-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:95bbcf0c-a773-4a46-82b1-8aa1f76f4c7fPost:4884f3d4-8774-4493-9c45-4c2db0f22fe0">Re: Do WE have a problem with gift-giving?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh Im with you on this one. I too feel like if I dont have a gift I just cant come. BUT I do get gifts off their registry. Whats the point of them having one if no one is going to use it. BUT yeah I give gifts and good ones too (pats self on back ) lol
    Posted by kittybutton[/QUOTE]

    <div>*Puts Crys and Kiev on wedding list*</div><div>
    </div><div>LOL! I'm trying to make sure everyone on my list is aged and mature and know to buy a gift... off the registry! A lot of my high school friends want to come. But ummm... this aint no damn house party! No thank you.</div>

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  • krimson19krimson19
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i will buy gifts and make a point to buy off the registry.

     as for our wedding, we didn't as much as would have liked gift wise.  we got a few things off of our registry.  we got cash, checks and gift cards.  we didn't mind those.  then we got stuff that lord knows we didn't ask for.  i have no idea where those items came from.  those will be going in a garage sale in the spring! 
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  • banks69banks69
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_problem-gift-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:95bbcf0c-a773-4a46-82b1-8aa1f76f4c7fPost:511c574b-350a-4b56-acc6-4cecce94bb8a">Re: Do WE have a problem with gift-giving?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i will buy gifts and make a point to buy off the registry.  as for our wedding, we didn't as much as would have liked gift wise.  we got a few things off of our registry.  we got cash, checks and gift cards.  we didn't mind those.  <strong>then we got stuff that lord knows we didn't ask for.  i have no idea where those items came from.</strong>  <strong>those will be going in a garage sale in the spring!</strong> 
    Posted by krimson19[/QUOTE]

    I already told FI to look forward to having a spring garage sale!
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  • tcjamestcjames
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
     I always bring something, usually something handmade and appropiate for the event. ...... LOL this topic is so hitting home. I'm not worried about gifts (vow renewal), and most of guest will be from OOT so we're really not expecting anything. I'm more worried about what the hubby ppl's are going to look like. At our nephews wedding this summer a few immediate family members DID NOT take time to properly groom themselves. Uncurled hair, tattered (for a lack of a better word) & ill fitting clothing, flipflops, just all around frumpiness. Then they got upset because nobody wanted to take their pics. I was so embarrassed for my nephew, I wanted to cuss them out & make them leave. How do you do that? Your meeting the in laws for the 1st time and thats the impression you leave. Even being finanicially strapped is not an excuse for how they looked. I know me I will have no trouble asking them to leave if they come in there looking f'd up & DH agrees so we plan on giving 9 month notice along with proper attire requirements. Embarrass yourself on your own time and dime!!!  
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  • kenyasobeautifulkenyasobeautiful member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I give cash ONLY and ALWAYS.
    Unless its for kids 10 and under. Then I buy gifts.
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  • kenyasobeautifulkenyasobeautiful member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_problem-gift-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:95bbcf0c-a773-4a46-82b1-8aa1f76f4c7fPost:cc9ab79d-262d-4c7b-994e-a87cb53664bd">Re: Do WE have a problem with gift-giving?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do WE have a problem with gift-giving? : That's understandable. I mean we actually told our wedding party and parents not to get us anything...they had already done so much and spent so much. And we didn't expect anything from guests that had to travel.  I'm talking about ghetto-ness; people who never RSVP, show up with themselves and others and  never bring gifts.  But then they complain on FB when their not invited places. Maybe I'm just in a bitchy, venting mood today or maybe I'm just flat out wrong. You can tell me, I can take it, lol. I don't get offended, I can be wrong.
    Posted by summerbride11[/QUOTE]

    And you aren't wrong. But I'm wrong for inviting people who I only know will bring a gift. My wedding will be less than 150 ppl. All others...can come to the Housewarming, Baby Shower, Bar Mitvah, Pleasure Toy Party, Christmas shin-dig, etc etc....with they non-gift bearing selves. :)
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