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XP: Shower getting out of control- input needed!

nmeirosenmeirose
10 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
Hello everyone!  I am getting married for the second time, and marrying someone who has never been married before and his family is very excited.  I work a very demanding job with lots of travel, and we are buying a house, and I have a daughter, so I am crazy busy right now with all that plus the wedding.  I only have two adults in my party- my matron of honor (cousin) and FI's sister.

Anyway. the shower.  This is where I would like input!  At first I had thought that I did not want any shower because I lived on my own for 14 years, and I definately feel like I am too old for cutesy themes and the wearing of the bow hat).  BTDT when I was 20 and no need or desire to do it again (no offence to those who love that).  Last month I spoke to my matron of honor and she talked about organizing something and how she felt we should do something.  That sounded nice to me, and I told her that I wanted something small and low key with no craziness. 

On easter I saw his family, and asked his mom and sister if they were thinking about a shower.  They said they had been thinking of doing something, and I told them that I spoke to the MOH about it and wanted something very low key.  I asked his sister to get in touch with my MOH.  Well, since then all heck has broken loose and my mom is telling me all about it and asking me to help fix it.  His mom and sister have been visting places to have it, have a list of 40 people, want to have a theme, and have not heard back from my MOH.  they want to book this place today because they only have one date open this summer, even though they have not cleared it with the MOH, and she works weekends in the summer.  So my mom is telling me all this and asking me to get involved.  I have no time for this!!!!

At this point, I just want to say "let's call the whole thing off" but I don't want to seem like the total b**ch to his mom and sister.  I wrote my MOH to tell her how I am feeling about the whole thing- she is very laid back like me.  I would prefer something like a BBQ or something at someone's house!  Really, I don't mind if his family wants to go all out- they are excited after all- but I don't want to be involved!  And I don't want there to be drama with my MOH being usurped.

I feel like I am 20 again.  I don't want to be 20 again!  I don't want drama and I don't have time for this!  I wish they could just handle it!  What would you do? 
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Re: XP: Shower getting out of control- input needed!

  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You're allowed to politely decline what his familly has planned and let your MOH plan something, since it sounds like she really, truly *gets* you and what you're looking to do. Stay out of it and just play dumb. Tell her that you think MOH is planning something and that she should coordinate with her. You shouldn't be *that* involved in planning the shower.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Are the 40 guests from fi's family? And are they all invited to the wedding? If so, I would just let your fmil and fsil plan the shower and stay out of it. If your MOH can't make it that weekend, tell her it's ok. You can take her out to lunch and tell her all about your shower, later.

    I didn't miss the part about the big shower not being your style. But your main objection seems to be that you don't have the time or inclination to referee the planning. And you shouldn't have to do that.Tell your mom to relax and let the hosts plan the shower.

    Try to enjoy your shower and your new family. Good luck.
                       
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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_xp-shower-input-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:343503b9-2408-4d1a-97ea-955b32be5269Post:38a5c3f1-8d8c-40bf-847c-c47556fa2099">Re: XP: Shower Input Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're allowed to politely decline what his familly has planned and let your MOH plan something, since it sounds like she really, truly *gets* you and what you're looking to do. Stay out of it and just play dumb. Tell her that you think MOH is planning something and that she should coordinate with her. You shouldn't be *that* involved in planning the shower.
    Posted by jerseydevil[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • babblingbrookeybabblingbrookey member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_xp-shower-input-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:343503b9-2408-4d1a-97ea-955b32be5269Post:9dccd94f-b33b-4b71-af9b-3b6912fd0543">Re: XP: Shower getting out of control- input needed!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are the 40 guests from fi's family? And are they all invited to the wedding? If so, I would just let your fmil and fsil plan the shower and stay out of it. If your MOH can't make it that weekend, tell her it's ok. You can take her out to lunch and tell her all about your shower, later. I didn't miss the part about the big shower not being your style. But your main objection seems to be that you don't have the time or inclination to referee the planning. And you shouldn't have to do that.Tell your mom to relax and let the hosts plan the shower. Try to enjoy your shower and your new family. Good luck.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this. I found it easiest to just let people plan whatever they want for the showers. FI and I are the oldest of our generation in our families and he's an only child so needless to say everyone is going a bit wedding crazy and we are definitely low key people. I now have 2 bridal showers with ~30 people at each which isn't really my thing but everyone else is happy so it works for me.</div>
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  • nmeirosenmeirose
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    thanks everyone for your input!  after a lot of stress and some tears yesterday (what can I say I am overextended right now), it seems like it was a combination of many misunderstandings and I am totally out of it.  I still feel a little bad because I did not want to come off bossy at all, and don't want people to spend too much money on this, and don't want to seem like a bridezilla at all.  In the end I told everyone what whatever they want to do I appreciate and that I don't need anything, they don't have to go to any trouble, sorry for any mix-ups etc.  We will see what happens from there.  I am glad to be out of it and almost hope nothing happens!  I guess I have a tendency to "do do do" for others and feel weird when people want to do for me.

    thanks again,
    Noelle
    BabyFetus Ticker
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