Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
yellowrose314
member
Vent: Going on 3 months and no thank you card... (long, sorry)
So it's almost 3 months to the day that I attended my FSIL's wedding, and still no thank you card... or thank you phone call... or thank you text. I had no idea it would bug me this much not to get one, as I normally don't pay attention to those kinds of things, but it's totally irking me...
I was a "second choice bridesmaid". A girl dropped out, and she asked me to fill in about 2 months before the wedding. I was pretty shocked that she asked, as her wedding would actually be the first official meeting between us as she lives in Calgary, and isn't able to fly out to visit much. But she had a load of friends close to home that she could have asked, but she asked me, which is cool I guess.
I think what tee's me off the most is the fact that not only did we drive 15 hours to be there, and that I woke up at the crack of dawn for the wedding that was 3 hours south of where we were staying (Calgary area), but that after the first ceremony/reception (there were 2 on the count of the first was for family only as it was a Mormon ceremony a temple, and the second was a ring ceremony/reception the next day in Calgary for everyone else to attend) we had to drive 3 hours back to cow town where the entire bridal party, and family members were told that we had to set up the second reception site... which was not an easy task. We were there until 2 am. And then were expected (more by the groom's family) to come back at 7 am to continue set up... I unfortunately was not able to attend that second day as I came down with the flu that most of FI's family happened to have at some point that weekend, including the bride.
I wanted to be as much help as I could, but the whole time I was thinking "None of us should have to be doing this..." because as most of you know, the BP is not your personal set up crew... It was mostly the groom's family who seemed to be running the show, and seemed downright angry when I asked to be excused at 1 30 in the morning as I was already feeling sick to my stomach. Apparantly they weren't too happy to hear that I wasn't coming in the morning, and neither was FI, to help set up again. I felt pretty horrible that I wasn't able to be there for FSIL's second ceremony, and she was totally cool about it and just wanted me to get better... but still... I'm tee'd that after everything, no thank you... or "thanks again for filling in" *sigh*... end vent... thanks for putting up with me.
I was a "second choice bridesmaid". A girl dropped out, and she asked me to fill in about 2 months before the wedding. I was pretty shocked that she asked, as her wedding would actually be the first official meeting between us as she lives in Calgary, and isn't able to fly out to visit much. But she had a load of friends close to home that she could have asked, but she asked me, which is cool I guess.
I think what tee's me off the most is the fact that not only did we drive 15 hours to be there, and that I woke up at the crack of dawn for the wedding that was 3 hours south of where we were staying (Calgary area), but that after the first ceremony/reception (there were 2 on the count of the first was for family only as it was a Mormon ceremony a temple, and the second was a ring ceremony/reception the next day in Calgary for everyone else to attend) we had to drive 3 hours back to cow town where the entire bridal party, and family members were told that we had to set up the second reception site... which was not an easy task. We were there until 2 am. And then were expected (more by the groom's family) to come back at 7 am to continue set up... I unfortunately was not able to attend that second day as I came down with the flu that most of FI's family happened to have at some point that weekend, including the bride.
I wanted to be as much help as I could, but the whole time I was thinking "None of us should have to be doing this..." because as most of you know, the BP is not your personal set up crew... It was mostly the groom's family who seemed to be running the show, and seemed downright angry when I asked to be excused at 1 30 in the morning as I was already feeling sick to my stomach. Apparantly they weren't too happy to hear that I wasn't coming in the morning, and neither was FI, to help set up again. I felt pretty horrible that I wasn't able to be there for FSIL's second ceremony, and she was totally cool about it and just wanted me to get better... but still... I'm tee'd that after everything, no thank you... or "thanks again for filling in" *sigh*... end vent... thanks for putting up with me.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent: Going on 3 months and no thank you card... (long, sorry)
[QUOTE]technically she has a year to send thank yous. calm down. maybe she's had a lot of stuff going on that put thank you's on the back burner. doesn't mean she didn't appreciate your help. and if this is your FSIL then just let it go, you have to deal with her for the rest of your life.
Posted by violet355[/QUOTE]
No, you technically have a year to send a gift. Thank you notes are sent immediately after a gift is recieved. Maximum 2-3 months after the wedding, but even that is pushing it!
<a href="http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/167-wedding-thank-yous" rel="nofollow">http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/167-wedding-thank-yous</a>
OP, I'm so sorry that happened you but just try to laugh it off. You cannot be the only one who is a bit miffed at their lack of manners. Take solace in the fact that your wedding will be much better organised and about your guests- with prompt thank you notes afterwards :)
[QUOTE]technically she has a year to send thank yous. calm down. maybe she's had a lot of stuff going on that put thank you's on the back burner. doesn't mean she didn't appreciate your help. and if this is your FSIL then just let it go, you have to deal with her for the rest of your life.
Posted by violet355[/QUOTE]
<div>If you don't know etiquette, you probably shouldn't come to an etiquette board and give bad advice and tell posters who have every right to be pissed to "calm down." Lurking longer may be a good idea for you. At least you're right in that OP has to deal with her for the rest of her life, and should probably just let it go.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, your FSIL sounds like a nice but clueless young woman. You have every right to be irritated, but unfortunately, it's pretty obvious that you will most likely not be receiving any type of thanks for your help.</div>
[QUOTE]That sucks. My brother and SIL got married in July 2011 and received enough in cash gifts to buy their house. They never sent thank you's. Pretty disgusting IMO.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]
<div>To NO ONE??? Thats disgraceful! </div><div>
</div><div>Some people think they are entitled to things and have no gratitude!</div>
[QUOTE]That sucks. My brother and SIL got married in July 2011 and <strong>received enough in cash gifts to buy their house. </strong>They never sent thank you's. Pretty disgusting IMO.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]
<div>Holy balls!!!! Enough money to BUY A HOUSE? We got enough to (just about) complete our registry, and I think our guests were amazingly generous. I can't imagine getting enough money in gifts to BUY A HOUSE and not sending thank-you notes.</div>
I should clarify - enough for the downpayment to buy their house - which is still a LOT of money.
But yes, no thank you note to anyone. I even asked my Dad about it once just to see if he had gotten one and maybe mine got lost and he said he never recevied one and had received a couple of calls from my aunts (who are very E-minded). So clearly no one got them.
But my SIL is pretty inconsiderate to begin with so there's that too.
People are rude, but there isn't anything we can do about it.
DH & I haven't received thank you notes for the the last FOUR weddings we've attended.
We give the same gift for every wedding, card with cash. So it always irritates me slightly that I don't know for 100% certainty that the couple even received it.
I think I may switch to giving registry gifts...at least I get delivery confirmation from the store.
[QUOTE]Did you just help with the wedding? Or give a gift, too? It would be best if she sent you a thank-you note after all you did in the wedding, but that doesn't require one if you didn't give an actual present. Thank-you notes are for gifts, not attendance (even serving in the wedding party, although you should get an attendant's gift for that). I only bring that up because you didn't mention an actual gift.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
Yes we gave a gift. It wasn't on their registry but they only registered at a store that we don't have locally, and I don't like shopping online.
We didn't get an attendants gift. We all had to buy our own, identical jewellry for the wedding (well she bought them, we had to pay her back for them), and a few of the other bridesmaids commented on how great it was that the jewellry was really cute so they could wear it again, and what a great gift.... it's not a gift if you had to buy it yourself girls... just sayin'.
The best thing you can do is let it go and perhaps teach manners by being a good example.