Post wedding dilemma, college student in a different state

Re: Post wedding dilemma, college student in a different state

• AmandaSC1988 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I don't think there is a problem. FI knows a lot of guys (mostly the people he hangs out with) and their wives are finishing school back home... They get all the perks of being married just the same. 

  
  

  Getting married into the military is like any other marriage. Military is nothing more than a job. The hours may suck and you can't talk about what you do... But that is true in just about any career in the world.

  
  

  

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• dgirlemmy member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  okay thanks so much! im just really worried about how that would effect like his pay and evrything.. like does he just go back to staying in a barracks when i go home to school? or can he keep an apt? is there separation pay?(im going to be living with my parents so it doesnt matter, but i just want to have an idea) but i understand about what you said about military marriages. i wont be able to talk about work so much either(HIPAA and all that) so yea thats really true. thanks

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• prettyirishgirl member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  If your married his pay shoudlnt' change and if he has a dependant from my experience with the army recently on this they forced everyone without dependants that didn't own back into the barracks, but if you had dependants you kept your housing pay. That is up to the unit but I've never seen them remove pay when dependants were involved. So he can keep an apartment with or without you there and then you can go to school. FI and I have been doing this and they let him stay off even though I wasn't a dependant because he owned his place.
  
  I wouldn't really go around saying omg omg i'm not ever home, but in my experience others in FI's unit have done with and we may have to do it as well and I've never seen anyone penalized for that choice nor do i think they can because yoru location doesn't dictate yoru marital status so as long as you are paying for you second place it isn't up to them to say yes or no to it.
  
  I would say it is perfectly possible. We may be doing this while I finish Grad school depending on where Fi will get transferred too because I still have a year and a half on grad school and Fi will finish his current training and station before I am done. We are putting off the wedding because it doesn't really change anything for us, but we could just as easily get married and still have me live elsewhere and him even live on post without me there.

  
  My "Wedding" Blog

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• kyrgyzstan member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  You only get separation pay if the separation is because of the military. Not by your choice. 

  I hate Dave Ramsey

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• SamiJoeB

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_post-wedding-dilemma-college-student-different-state?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:d77e2ac0-330b-4160-a731-762914827c73Post:989cce3e-4296-4577-a9a9-4976be8fe766">Post wedding dilemma, college student in a different state</a>:
  [QUOTE]okay i have my wedding date set. im not getting cold feet about the wedding or getting married. i want to be connected to him for the rest of forever. I am a nursing student. when i get married ill have 1 year til im an RN. i REALLY want to finish my degree. but all the clinical and nursing courses ive taken wont transfer to anywhere. they are unique to my college. i was wondering how (and if) it would work for us to be married, but in 2 different states as far as the army is concerned... like i want to live with him this summer after our wedding but then go back to school in the fall, is any of this a possibility? all in all what i want to do is finish school, which will take a year, and live with him this summer and then go back to school in the fall and spring semesters to finish nursing school and get my licence to be an RN.<strong> IS THIS AT ALL POSSIBLE?? what goes into getting married to the military? i dont know much at all...and<u> im not looking to be belittled about not knowing these things before-hand so if thats what youre going to do, hold your comments please.</u></strong>
  Posted by dgirlemmy[/QUOTE]
  
  Yes.  You make marrying into the military sound like being in a cult.  You're getting married to a guy with a job, a job that moves around every 3-4 years. That's all.  Do whatever you need to do to ensure that you are employable.  It's more common that wives are separated by no choice of their own (Me and my H), but it's perfectly fine for you to do what you want to do.  But the military won't pay for you to move back and forth, so that may be a factor to consider. 
  
  Are you always so defensive?  No one on this board would berate you for not knowing about the military.  Most civilians don't know alot about the military.  What personally I don't care for is the attitude that we're going to "belittle" you.  With the exception of maybe one poster in particular, I can't think of anyone who would say "Gosh, you are obviously stupid because you don't know this."  I mean, did you lurk at all? because I don't think we come off that way at all.  Just because you probably could have gotten your answer via google, doesn't mean anyone is going to yell at you. 

  

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• amh04

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  That's completely doable. The only thing that I would add in here - is in regards to your health insurance w/ FI - you will need to list your college address (where your staying - not the actual college) as your current address for obvious reasons so that you can be assigned or chose a doctor (depending on prime vs standard) to see while you are going to be there. But that's pretty obvious.
  Good Luck on finishing your RN! That's an awesome accomplishment.
  Overall - the military is just their job like PP have said. You're not required to do anything. There are things that are done differently than civilians but really - it's just a job.

  

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• KendallR10 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Its do able. If FI and I have to move after we are married and there isn't a school with a good Business program at the school near by I won't be moving. I don't care if I have to move in with mom and dad while I finish. My new goal is to finish my degree!

  
  

  ETA: Congrats on finishing! 

  Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

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• LuluP82 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I'll just add, it will just be more expensive for you as a couple. Sure, your FI will get BAH, but you'll both still be responsible for your expenses in both places.
  
  I'm not sure how it works with the barracks (like, I don't know if he will have a spot open there if you all want to try and save the BAH money to pay for your expenses ifi they're giving him BAH, for example). I do know that lots and lots of people are geographic bachelors for tons of reasons and it's not a big deal.
  
  I doubt they'd take away his off-base privileges if you move home for school. I'll just emphacise it again, THEY WILL NOT CARE THAT YOU'RE MAINTAINING 2 HOUSEHOLDS, so don't expect more money. Also the BAH rate is determined by where he's stationed, not where you are in school, so if you're planning on having him in the barracks and keeping BAH to cover your expenses, it's something else to consider.
  
  Like I jokingly tell my H, they can't order me to go anywhere...just him

  

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