Way back when you got engaged....

tldh · October 2010

There have been several posts on other boards lately regarding couples digging in their heels about whether or not to have religious ceremonies. Inevitably, the bottom line in the answers is that they have bigger problems because things like religion should have been discussed before they got engaged.

So that got me wondering. Did you know your proposal was coming or were you completely caught off guard?

lalap69 · October 2010

We were already talking marriage and wedding planning at that point, I just thought the proposal wouldn't be for a while yet for financial reasons. So the exact timing of it was a surprise, but the fact that a proposal was coming wasn't.

ETA: Religion/kids/careers/etc. were all discussed well before we got engaged.

Manwaithiel · October 2010

Knew it was coming. Religious discussions had been had.

LuluP82 · October 2010

I was surprised when it happend, in that I didn't know it was coming right then or that day, but we'd definitely talked about marriage and were on the same page. We'd talked about hte important stuff, like kids and religion and money and careers and things like that. I couldn't imagine getting engaged without 1) knowing we were on the same page about this stuff and 2) being consulted. HOnestly, if a man had proposed to me without discussnig it with me (and not as in, "Hey I'm proposing next week" but as in "Hey, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you, are you on the same page?") I would have thought he was nuts. And slightly disrespectful. It's the feminist in me I guess.

I loved my proposal, and wouldn't change it at all. BUT, an out of nowhere proposal? Without checking that I, too was ready? Not my style.

mbcdefg · October 2010

I thought the proposal was coming on a weekend trip we took, because he'd asked about my ring preferences a few weeks before that and he'd been talking a lot lately about friends being engaged. When it didn't come on the weekend trip, I figured he would wait until the summertime. He proposed the following weekend. He had planned to propose on the weekend trip, actually, but the ring didn't come in on time for him to bring it with us.

Religion was never really an issue. I'm more devout than he is, but it's not a conflict and he'll probably get more involved once we have kids.

Robyn5298 · October 2010

We had discussed it so I knew it was coming at some point, but didn't have any idea that he had purchased the ring or when he planned to ask.
He popped the question during Thanksgiving dinner in front of my entire family - that took guts!

tldh · October 2010

We were in San Francisco last July when DH was telling his family not to come to the east coast that November for his birthday and to save the money for a trip next year, emphasizing once in a lifetime event.

He was trying to do it out of my earshot, but two things tipped me off: 1) his sister taking about her engagement and that of course she knew it was coming because if you don't know, then you haven't had the conversations you need to have before deciding to get married and 2) we just happened to stumble into a Burlingame jewelry store where the owner insisted on sizing my finger "just in case" and talking sapphire engagement rings.

We got engaged that December - the actual proposal was a surprise but that's another story. Long before that we had the religion, careers, kids and finances talks.

EDIT: He also insisted that I work with the jeweler via e.mail to pick out the stones and design the ring. I just didn't know when I would be getting it. I thought Christmas, but it was closer to St. Nick's day (Nicest stocking stuffer I've ever had

)

RebeccaB88 · October 2010

Engagement ring almost paid off (another month or two). I'll know about it because I've told him that if I don't have prior warning, I'm saying no. (Teasing... mostly...) I hate surprises and I've told him this, that I need to know ahead of time. I trust him to not surprise me, and follow my parameters of it being a private and quiet proposal. (I don't really want a formal proposal, but he's old fashioned and insists.)

Religion discussions happened a long time ago, but we still get in the occasional theological debate. Keeps things interesting.

Butterfly1462 · October 2010

I had no idea he was going to propose, but we already knew about each other's religions, beliefs and values. Once he proposed we knew there would be times we would disagree because of our religious differences, but decided we would not let it interfere with our love for each other. Thankfully through many conversations and personal discoveries he converted to my religion

frogurt814 · October 2010

H and I had been dating for almost 4 years when he proposed. We've known each other and each other's families for about 12 or 13 years (he and my brother are best friends. They go way back.) Anyway, we had discussed marriage before, and he had asked me what kind of ring I would like to have, but I still had no clue if he would ever propose.

We lived a few blocks from my favorite ice cream place, and we had made plans to walk up on a Monday and get ice cream. Well, it was pouring down rain that day, so we decided to go on Wednesday instead. All day Tuesday, and all Wednesday morning, H kept talking about how excited he was to get ice cream. I thought that was strange because he doesn't get excited about food/ice cream like I do.

Anyway, we walked up to the ice cream place, and that's where he proposed. I knew something was up by the way he'd been acting, but I thought maybe I was just getting myself all worked up over nothing and then I'd be disappointed when he didn't propose. But he did propose, and now here we are, a little over a year later, and we're married.

Sorry for the novel.

emilyinchile · October 2010

I knew. We'd discussed getting married, and H knew to buy the ring in CA because diamonds are WAY cheaper there (we saw a solitaire here after we were engaged that was 6 times what he paid and slightly smaller). I wasn't thinking about it as we planned our trip home last year, but as we were packing he asked where he could change pesos to dollars. I said that was silly, he'd lose out in the conversion, and we should just do what we always did which was have me pay for everytihng from my US account and him pay me back in pesos when we got home. He was quiet for a minute and then said "ok, I wanted this to be a surprise, but I can't figure out how to make it work, so I'm just going to tell you: I'm going to buy your engagement ring while we're there." Apart from the money issue, he wouldn't have known where to go or been able to get to a jeweler without me knowing, so in the end we shopped together.

So I knew it was coming, but the proposal itself was a total surprise, I didn't expect it to happen when it did.

Licia&Wayne · October 2010

I knew it was coming. We had gone ring shopping together for a casual ring just for me to wear, but he spent the time asking me what I liked, what I didn't, etc. and then went back later to purchase an engagement ring. We had also talked about getting married for a really long time, talked about goals, future plans, and all that good stuff.

Religion wasn't something that was a huge issue us. We are both Catholic and attend church together. We're catechists, too. I doubt that religion will be an issue.

I didn't know exactly when the proposal was going to happen and I actually think I ruined his first crack at it. He had planned a surprise trip back to where we met, but, not knowing a trip was coming, I had some work commitments pop up that I couldn't get out of.

Later that week, he set up a sweet scavenger hunt and proposed at the end of it. Even though I knew what was coming, I wouldn't change a moment of it.

gottahavashorti · October 2010

I knew when he talked to my dad - we were on winter break and my sister was never out of the house at the same time as me for him to talk to my dad or both of my parents. One of the last days of break he got antsy and just had me text him when my mom, sister and I left to go to the mall. At that point I had known for ages that he planned on proposing my senior year of college or the summer after.

I also knew he was looking at rings the following semester and he'd sent me links to a couple to get an idea of whether he was on the right track.

But, I didn't expect it when it happened. He'd just run into a lot of car problems and, while I knew he was probably saving for a ring, I figured his savings had been depleted. It turned out he'd bought the ring before the car started breaking down.

gottahavashorti · October 2010

Oh, and religion wasn't really an issue. We pretty much left how religious the ceremony was up to the minister.

kayakrunhike · October 2010

Definitely knew it was coming. 6 years of dating? yeah. But, we went ring shopping and bought my rings together, so there was no doubt in my mind. However, I might hold it against him forever that he waited 6 months to propose. He knows me too well, and it was the perfect place and time to propose when he did, but it sucked, waiting. Esp bc no one in our families knew he had the ring until a month or so before he did it.

As for religion, we were the same one to begin with, so it wasn't an issue. We're both more laid back about religion now than when we first met, though.

bibliophile2010 · October 2010

I usually only lurk here, but the religion questions are starting to make my head spin. Seriously, get it figured out before you get engaged. Figure it out when you first start getting serious or thinking marriage.

I'm very religious (Catholic) and so is my FI, so it was a nonissue for us (we met at the church where we are getting married, which we attend weekly and are very involved with). Even so, we talked extensively before we got engaged about religion and the role we wanted it to play in our future and in how we raise future children. I have friends in mixed marriages who figured these things out before they got engaged and are very happy.

It baffles me that so many brides think that the issues will all go away if only the groom will see things her way. These are deeply personal issues that will not be resolved by either a white princess dress or teeny-tiny baby clothes. I'm not looking to shove my personal religious beliefs down the throat of some random poster on the Knot. I'm looking for people to bring an ounce of realism into their supposedly adult relationships. /end rant.

That said, when FI proposed, I knew it was coming in the general life sense. We had talked about when we wanted to get married, how long we needed to be engaged (for Catholic wedding), and when we saw ourselves getting engaged. That all narrowed it down to a 2-3 month proposal window. He proposed 2 weeks into that window. The night he did it, though, totally caught me off guard and shocked me (in the best possible way).

Lisa50 · October 2010

My FI and I have had multiple, on-going talks about religion, God, faith, personal beliefs and all things related. These conversations were a BIG part of getting to know one another. By the time we got engaged, there were no surprises in that regard.

We talked about spending our lives together and getting married, eventually. I was getting antsy and knew the proposal was coming ... but no idea when or where. It was a fun, Christmas day surprise.

Way back when you got engaged....

Re: Way back when you got engaged....

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