How to invite family members you've never met

Re: How to invite family members you've never met

• TurtlesAllTheWayDown member

  

  June 2010

  Well... and invitation isn't a summons or a gift grab. They can decline and they aren't required to send a gift. But not everyone sees it that way.
  
  Was your mother invited to her nieces' and nephews' weddings? It's pretty typical to invite aunts and uncles (and first cousins), especially if your mom is insisting.
  
  My dad wanted me to invite his aunts and uncles to my wedding. Really, I'm only close to one of his aunts. The others I haven't seen in almost 7 years. They have literally 30+ nieces and nephews, not to mention great nieces and nephews, so yeah, it seemed awkward to me, but that was the only guest list suggestion my dad made, so I went with it. Just send them and let it go.
  
  You can also send Save-the-Date cards and include an email address to see if they want to get in touch with you.
  
  Just curious, was there a falling out in your family or do they just all live far way?
  

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• eastunder1

  

  June 2010

  I have to be honest, I would find it really weird and most likely side eye an invitation to a wedding of someone I'd never met, whether we were family or not.  I would see it as a gift grab and nothing more. 
  
  If it were me paying for most of it, I would put my foot down and refuse.  But your family dynamics might be different.   IIf you do end up bending and sending them, keep in mind that being your moms brothers, they would most likely know her personality and know that this is something she would do. Meaning they'll realize that it was her pushing the invite, not you. 
  

  
  
  
  "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."

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• wadingmoose member

  

  June 2010

  I suggest sending a singing telegram.  That way a guy in a clown suit can sing to them that you aren't doing it because you want gifts.
  
  I'm sure that'll make it all better.  If you're struggling for words for him to sing, Fishy is typically our resident poet. 
  

  
  "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb

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• squirrly member

  

  June 2010

  If you and your FI are paying the bills, I think you can overrule your mom, if you want, and just not invite people you haven't met.  I'm curious, too, how it is that you've never met your uncles and their families. 

  DIY & Planning | Married 

  
  

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  Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485

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• ehathewa

  

  June 2010

  Both of our families are spread out through out the country and we don't always have the opportunity to see them.  For us, our weddings are a great way to reconnect with our relatives and hopefully continue a closer relationship in the future. 

  

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• pooh8402

  

  June 2010

  how to invite family members you've never met:
  
  step 1: get address from family member who knows the address.
  
  step 2: stuff invitation into envelope.
  
  step 3: write address on envelope.
  
  step 4: put stamp on envelope in correct amount of postage.
  
  step 5: drop in mailbox.
  

  
  
  Glenna Harding Photography

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• Actingbug27 member

  

  June 2010 edited June 2010

  My mom has a really large family (7 siblings plus 3 half brothers from her dad's second marriage) and they live all over the country.  I've never met her half brothers because she was not close with that side until her dad passed away last year.  There are a few uncles I am close to that I have met several times, but others live so far away we have just never had the chance to meet.
  
  I know it is the right thing to do to extend the invitation, and I know they probably won't come, I just didn't want to seem like I was just fishing for a gift.  It might even take a few of them a few minutes just to figure out who I am since I have a different last name than my mom, but at this point I'm willing to be flexible in order to avoid hurt feelings with the wedding planning.  My mom feels bad I think that my side of the guest list isn't as full as my fiance's, but in truth his family is bigger, most are local, and he's close to a lot of them.  This really has become a balance of not only what we want for our wedding, but what we can do to keep our parents happy.  This one is a small sacrifice so I don't mind.
  
  Thanks for all the advice!!
  

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• fairy_diva

  

  June 2010

  I would consider this wrong, don't send invites to people you have never met.  I recieved a graduation anouncement from a thrid cousin's son, who I have never met, my first thought was who the %!# is this?  I called my mom, who clear it up. Personally I saw it as asking for money from someone that side of the family barely knows and for a 18 yr old I have never met. That annoucement went in the trash.

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• WhatawagSBNy member

  

  June 2010

  Cousins who do not even know your mother (  even her nieces and nephews) or not since a couple of childhood meetings, I would not invite.   Never 2nd and 3rd ( or once removed, cousins you never met.
  
  Mother's brothers and sisters - if you feel awkward, it is permissible to enclose a personal note with the invitation -  something like -
  
  "Mom is so excited about my wedding, and it is times like this I realize that we kids have missed knowing important people in the family.  We hope to see you at the wedding."
  
  If nothing else, it might prompt the brother to call your Mom and say something nice,  when declining.
  
  I do think, even when other unknown family do not get invitations, family elders should.  Grandparents' brothers and sisters, great grandparents  and their brothers and sisters.  Due to age, in most families this is very few people.  But not all of their spawn.

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• marinabreeze

  

  June 2010 edited June 2010

  I can see both sides of it...on one hand, they are people who you *might* see if it weren't for geography, but on the other hand, they are essentially strangers to you. 
  
  Personally, other than people relatively close in relationship, I wouldn't do it.  I'm kind of in a similar situation but for different reasons.  My uncle wanted to invite a bunch of distant relatives that he knows but I don't because they remember me when I was a baby and because more people means more gifts, to which my mom (thankfully) said no because I am not a gift-grabby person and I don't want a bunch of people at the wedding that neither myself or my FI know.  On the other hand, I've started to get to know my birth mother and her side of the family, and I have four (half-)siblings, two of which I haven't met (but I have spoken to one over the phone and on FB), as well as a few aunts and uncles, only one of whom I've met, and a bunch of cousins (only one of whom I met, and I talk to now relatively often).  I'm thinking about inviting my birth mother and all the siblings, including the ones I haven't met, but not sure yet on the other relatives that I haven't met, just because that's awkward and I don't think a wedding is the place for a reunion.  But I haven't made a final decision on that, especially since ettiquette dictates that you invite people in tiers.

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• _Dagney_ member

  

  June 2010

  the traditional invitation invitation wording "Mr. and Mrs. XXX invite you to the marriage...." takes care of the issue.
  
  Meaning you probably arent technically the one issuning the invitation, your mother is, and I presume she DOES know her brothers.
  
  Weddings can be a great occasion to bring families together.
  
  

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