Long Distance Lovers

USMCBride90 · May 2012

This might be a little lengthy, so bear with me.
Alright, so obviously you ladies know all about long distance and everything that goes along with it. FI and I have been long distance for almost 3 1/2 years now. We lived together before he left for boot. We've got just over 2 months until the big day and I couldn't be happier to be marrying my best friend. We've done our pre-marital counseling and he is honestly more than I could ask for in a man and lifelong partner. We've talked about it quite a few times, and have always said that even though being apart for so long has been tough at times, it's helped us build the core foundation for our marriage and we've grown closer than ever.

Here's where I'd like the input from the ladies that have been long distance and then moved back in together after getting married - What are some tips to make the move back in together as smooth as possible? I fully expect it to be a bit of an adjustment. I know communication and being patient with each other as we adjust back to living together is key. I'm just wondering if there are any other tips? We've both got alot of changes (good changes) coming up in the next 6 months. Getting married being one, me moving 2500 miles from our hometown, trying to keep up with my job (awesome that they are letting me work remotely from home after I move), starting the photography classes that I've been wanting to do, FI trying to re-enlist, and just adjusting to all the changes.

Normally I embrace change and roll with the punches, I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with so much going on in such a short period of time. I love adventure, so that's how I'm trying to view all of these changes - one big adventure!

kyrgyzstan · May 2012

I almost didn't open this because the word lovahs makes me feel odd.

H and I were long distance while he was recruiting/waiting for orders. A little over a year. It was a huge adjustment, because we were both used to doing things our way. At first, it was fun and honeymooney, and that wore off. I think y'all just need to talk about expectations. Because you're WAH, does that mean he expects you to do all the housework, etc?

lrh17 · May 2012

Ditto Stan on talking about expectations. We were long distance up until we were married, and had lots of discussions prior to moving in together. It made the transition super easy, and it just felt very natural to us. Granted, he left for training after 5 weeks and hasn't been back since, so take that for what it's worth...maybe we were just still all 'honeymooney'

I've got lots of adventures coming up too and its kind of scary but exciting! That's awesome that your company is letting you work remotely! Just remember that you're BOTH going through a lot of changes, so like you said, patience and commuication are incredibly important. Sometimes when I get wrapped up in everything, I forget that I'm not the only one going through stuff. Good luck!

AmandaSC1988 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_long-distance-lovers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:542f461c-d9c6-46d7-bb20-eae3dc637dc8Post:bf62e186-0ad8-49dd-9e87-07655761f6b2">Re: Long Distance Lovers</a>:
[QUOTE]I <strong>almost didn't open this because the word lovahs makes me feel odd</strong>. H and I were long distance while he was recruiting/waiting for orders. A little over a year. It was a huge adjustment, because we were both used to doing things our way. At first, it was fun and honeymooney, and that wore off. I think y'all just need to talk about expectations. Because you're WAH, does that mean he expects you to do all the housework, etc?
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

Lonely Islands - "Mother Lovers" did in fact pop into my head...

But, OP I'm not much help, same situation.....except I reallydon't know when H and I will ever live together. Looks like it is our destiny to be Long Distance Lovas foreva...

holycrapitsalexa · May 2012

My situation is a little different...I have never lived with FI and I will move away from my hometown in about 4 months to live with him 5000 miles away.....kinda scary! But I also couldn't be more excited. Like everyone said, we have just been talking about our expectations and such!

kara811 · May 2012

H and I were LD for 3 1/2 years before we were finally able to live together! I think it felt quite natural to us though, there wasn't really much of an adjustment period. There were times when we first moved to VA that we got on each other's nerves a lot though but I think it was mainly due to the fact that we had just moved from overseas, then drove across the country and had to find a new place to live. Needless to say our first few months here was just a bit too crazy, haha.

I'm sure you 2 will be just fine, at least you have some background of already living with him before so you know a little bit of what to expect. And like everyone said, discuss everything beforehand.

USMCBride90 · May 2012

Thanks everyone!! You guys put my mind at ease. Now I know I'm not the only one who has ever gone through this and I won't be the last. FI and I have had the expectations talk and already have great communication. Everything feels natural already and we've been talking about all the things we want to do once I get out there, what I'm going to cook for dinner (or him haha!), and all that other fun stuff that goes along with living together. It just feels right. That's why I think I'm thinking way too much into all this and just need to chill the eff out.

I couldn't be more excited to start this new adventure together, it's just a huge amount of changes all at once so it's overwhelming to think about at one time.

I'm proud to say we've made 3 1/2 years of long distance work to our advantage! But I have to say I'm glad it's ending and that we can finally start our lives together again. Lots of changes and adventures to look forward to!

crimewatcher · May 2012

The biggest adjustment I had to make was getting use to my H's TERRIBLE gas. Apparently SERE wrecked his body in more ways than one.

We had talked about expectations also. But have you guys talked about what happens or how you are going to deal if something changes or doesn't go to plan? Or if someone doesn't hold up to the expectations? H and I had the division of labor talk, I cook, he does the dishes, I clean the bathrooms (that brings up another thing I had to get use to-- cleaning guys toilets- I grew up living majority of the time with my mom and sister- boy free home!), he vacuums, he washes his gear/work clothes, I do the rest of the laundry, I iron his blues, I wash the dog, he takes out the trash, I get the mail etc etc etc.
Sounds fine right? Until he stopped doing the dishes or would leave them sit for what seemed like forever, so I ended up doing them anyway. We had to sit down and get on the same page again.

The best advice I've ever gotten is "Pick Your Battles Wisely."

Stefisme55 · May 2012

FI and I are both Military so we have long distance quite a bit. It seems like he goes off somewhere, gets back and I leave and go somewhere. Right now we have been apart 4 months, Wedding is in 3 but I wont actually live in the same state as him for another 6 months! After that we know we only have 8 months together before he leaves again. Its complicated and rough but if you can handle the distance then you can handle anything.

Whenever we are back together in the same state, same house, we just start off slow and enjoy each others company, get a routine established at a slow pace. After the first month or two things will just sort of fall into place.

Basically just dont rush it and enjoy the time together!

Long Distance Lovers

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