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New York-Long Island

Bridal Shower Dos and Dont

I have done bridal showers before but they were all different as far as paying the bill and I am unsure how to handle this one being that it is my little sisters and her friends.
One shower I did all of us girls in the bridal party footed the bill. 
Anothter shower I planned but the mom footed the bill. 
What do I do.. none of the girls have said anything to me and I am not sure how to bring it up. 

Re: Bridal Shower Dos and Dont

  • alithebridealithebride member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    email them and ask them 1) if they will be helping to plan/throw it and 2) what they can afford to contribute.


  • edited December 2011
    Agreed with pp.  Ask the girls if they would like to help in A) planning and B) paying, and if so, what they are comfortable contributing.  You can make more decisions after you get those answers.
  • dianenjnjdianenjnj member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    you, as a relative, cannot ask for financial contributions from her bridal party for your own sister's shower.  if they didn't offer maybe there's a reason.

    if you want to be nice about it, plan it yourself, pay for it yourself and let the bridesmaids host.
  • flinn017flinn017 member
    edited December 2011
    I would have to disagree about you having to pay all the expenses since you are the relative.  I have planned and helped plan several showers, invovling family and friends of the brides.  I have also been on both sides of the spectrum.  Not being able to contribute a lot toward one shower, and for another one, I contributed and planned more.

    Since it is your sister, you should to take the lead role, open the line of communication and get an understanding of what everyone else is expecting.  Each girl should be in charge of a task, some things cost more than others.  But it is important that everyone is involved. 
  • dianenjnjdianenjnj member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    unless the bridal party OFFERS without huge hints from you...it would be presumptive to assume they WANT to be assigned duties of throwing  your sister a shower.  if, however,  they offer without prompting fine... if not,  it's rude to ask someone to dip into their pocketbook.
  • edited December 2011
    Personally, I think there are mixed messages out there about the proper rules on this issue.  If you look for info on the role of a bridesmaid, it very clearly says that part of your role is to help throw a bridal shower.  However, if you're the person in charge, like the MOH, people like pp's say it's rude to ask that of a bridesmaid.  I just don't get the mixed messages.  I think it's rude NOT to ask the girls to participate.  If your'e a close enough person to the bride that you're in the bridal party, you will most likely want to be involved in "showering" her with gifts on her special day.  Obviously there's a difference between ASKING and TELLING, and any good MOH/sister/host will do it gracefully and without judgment on those who can't afford to help much.

    In the past, it used to be tacky for a family member to host the shower b/c it looked liked you were fishing for gifts for the bride.  However, many brides have family members as bridesmaids- sisters, cousins, I've even heard of a mom as a bridesmaid! If it's okay- and even expected- for the bridal party to throw a shower- and the bridal party happens to be family, then I conclude that it's not inappropriate for you to ask the rest of the girls and take charge of the party.
  • edited December 2011
    Please look under the rehersal dinner and showers vendors tab for a professional rehersal dinner and showers company...like J A M- John Arden Muisc
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