1 Mother.. 2 Fathers... HELP

duffmaker · March 2011

I have quite a dilema on my hands, my mother hates my biological father and up until about 6 months ago I hadn't even seen him since I was 2 or 3 years old. My mother got married when I was 2 years old and her husband adopted me and has raised me since then. Now I love my adopted father and have all my greatest childhood memories with him but recently I have gotten to know my biological father and I really like him. My mother and adopted father have no idea that I have been seeing and talking to my biological father yet I want everyone involved in my wedding and I don't know how to go about telling them and involving everyone without the drama... any help?

ReturnOfKuus · March 2011

You want someone who you just met six months ago to be involved in your wedding?

Why the lapse in parenting on his part?

hmonkey · March 2011

please read the post below yours.

MNNEBride · March 2011

I'd like to know more about why you haven't seen bio dad since you were 2 or 3 yrs old. If he abandoned the family and chose to have no relationship with you while you were growing up, I don't think he deserves to be part of your wedding. But only you can decide that.

MNNEBride · March 2011

Also, you don't really have 2 fathers as your title states. You have a sperm donor and the man who was your father.

duffmaker · March 2011

My bio dad had no choice but to give over custody, he was a truck driver and was gone 5 days a week, my mother refused to let him see me because thats her personality she is a very vengeful and unstable person. Honestly if I she wasn't my mother I would never want anything to do with the women. My bio dad had to go to court every friday evening after he got back from work just so he could see me on saturday. Finally about 4 months after my mothers wedding she pushed her husband into adopting me, which he had no problems doing but he didn't want to destroy any relationship between myself and my bio dad. He adopted me and raised me while my bio dad worked and stayed away, about four years ago, when I was 16 my mother and her husband split and our entire family life went spiraling out of control, my mother became a (for lack of a better word) whore and my adopted father just disapeared out of my life, yet stayed in touch and frequently spent time with my younger brother (who was his and my mohters biolligical son). My mother started abusing me and 2 years ago my fiance and I began dating and 6 months later I went to live with him and his family. Small world... his mother and stepdad knew and were friends with my bio dad and his wife and they greatly supported me to contact them and I finally did and they have been so supportive and there for me and I spent weeks on end constantly talking to my bio dad and I really like him and I have learned so many things about me when I was young and he had so many pictures of me when I was a baby pictures that my mom never cared much to keep or take. My adopted father has also been getting back ahold of me recently and trying to make up for abandoning me during his and my mothers spilt.

ReturnOfKuus · March 2011

You know that the bio parent who is being replaced has to sign off on an adoption, right? I don't buy for one minute that your bio dad is as blameless as you think.

From reading this, though, I'm getting the sense that not a one of them has any place in your wedding except as guests.

duffmaker · March 2011

My dilema lies in the fact that I want very much for both my fathers to be involved in my wedding because my bio dad didn't have the chance to be involved in any other part of my life and my adopted father was there the enitre time I was growing up. And I do resent the comment about the father and the sperm donor, my bio dad did everything for me after I was born he was with my 24/7 he took care of me while my teenage mother went out drinking and partying all the time and then there relationship fell through and she took me from him and he didnt see me for two months that's when he decided to go to court for complete custody of me and had to work as a truck driver out of town for 5 days of the week to pay for court fees, and my mother got married during that time and i was adopted and that was that.

duffmaker · March 2011

Yes my bio dad gave up he saw that my adopted father had a wonderful large family that loved me unconditionally and he felt like that would be better for me then just him and his mother and money struggles, my adopted fathers family had plenty of money. So once my mother was married my bio dad saw all of this and backed off hoping that it would be best fro me in the long wrong... turns out haha that it was far from, my mother married simply for security because she was 18 with a baby and that loveless marriage crumbled about 3 years in and stayed hanging by a thread for a few more years then finally crashed and burned and I was left in the dust in the meanwhile. Honestly at this point I want to be walked down the isle with a dad on each side and my mom somewhere sitting in the back row if she even has to be there.

sister2groom · March 2011

I don't want to be mean, but is there any way to independantly verify what your bio dad says? Court records to see if he actually did try as hard as he said he did?

I know you really want to believe him, but I don't want you to find out later that he's not really as perfect as you think he is and regret having him in your wedding. Given the way your mom has acted, I wouldn't care about offending her (although I would care about pffending the guy who adopted you) but I WOULD care about you regretting it later, 6 months is a very short priod of time to know someone. And unless you are 18 and a half, I'm not really sure why, if he cared so much, he didn't contact you after you turned 18?

duffmaker · March 2011

That's true I think I might look into that... and of all 3 people I really would hate for my adopted father to be slighted in any of this. Although I do resent him for seriously blowing me off after him and my mom split, he is in eveyr single one o fmy child memories. I just want ot find a way to have everyone that should be there, there without drama and stress. Especially since my fiance and I are getting married in May and before he leaves for the army and so we are keeping it very very small and simple.. just immediate family and then in a year or two we are planning on having a big fancy affair as a sort of vow renewal because we don't have the time to do it now.

sweetvidalia · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_1-mother-2-fathers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:941967b5-a4f5-4593-92d5-962338cffe9aPost:0e06b28c-2700-45db-bd97-b75bacdd7894">1 Mother.. 2 Fathers... HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]I have quite a dilema on my hands, my mother hates my biological father and up until about 6 months ago I hadn't even seen him since I was 2 or 3 years old. My mother got married when I was 2 years old and her husband adopted me and has raised me since then. Now I love my adopted father and have all my greatest childhood memories with him but recently I have gotten to know my biological father and I really like him. My mother and adopted father have no idea that I have been seeing and talking to my biological father yet I want everyone involved in my wedding and I don't know how to go about telling them and involving everyone without the drama... any help?
Posted by clizh[/QUOTE]

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1 Mother.. 2 Fathers... HELP

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