Is this Enough?

Shlei · January 2010

The day before the wedding my fiance and I will be having brunch with the wedding party. Afterwards the boys will go bowling as the girls will go to the spa. I have given each gal $50 to do whatever they want with it. Does anyone have any ideas for the afternoon or is this sufficent?

mbcdefg · January 2010

Do your girls normally enjoy spa treatments? If they never go to the spa, is it because of a lack of funds or a lack of interest? (I ask because I know at least one of my BMs would probably not be interested in this, even if I covered 100% of the treatments, because she has some issues with other people touching her - like massages or pedicures - and also because she prefers to go to her own stylists for certain things. It's not a money thing but a personal comfort thing with her.)

I would also see what $50 will actually cover. If it will entirely pay for their choice between a few different options, then I think it's not a bad idea at all. But if the girls would only have a choice of one or two treatments that are under $50, and/or if they would need to kick in some money out of pocket to cover the total cost of what they'd want, then I would try and think of something else.

I'm also on the fence about it because I feel like this is something that's mainly for your wedding. Yeah, they're getting something nice and relaxing from it, but it's also so that they look nice for your wedding. I think I would like the idea better if it were a gift certificate to use at their leisure, know what I mean?

I think that it's a generous and nice idea overall, but I'm just curious about some of the other details. When in doubt, I would pair it with something else that's personal for each of them, even something small ... a bottle of their favorite wines, a book or DVD you know they'd each like, a small gift card (iTunes, Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, etc.), a little trinket you know they'd enjoy and use, etc.

Shlei · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_this-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce417657-1d23-4854-beaf-dea1f3443acfPost:5f60a5e8-61a9-4780-9211-f44cf2a3eff3">Re: Is this Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do your girls normally enjoy spa treatments? If they never go to the spa, is it because of a lack of funds or a lack of interest? (I ask because I know at least one of my BMs would probably not be interested in this, even if I covered 100% of the treatments, because she has some issues with other people touching her - like massages or pedicures - and also because she prefers to go to her own stylists for certain things. It's not a money thing but a personal comfort thing with her.) I would also see what $50 will actually cover. If it will entirely pay for their choice between a few different options, then I think it's not a bad idea at all. But if the girls would only have a choice of one or two treatments that are under $50, and/or if they would need to kick in some money out of pocket to cover the total cost of what they'd want, then I would try and think of something else. I'm also on the fence about it because I feel like this is something that's mainly for your wedding. Yeah, they're getting something nice and relaxing from it, but it's also so that they look nice for your wedding. I think I would like the idea better if it were a gift certificate to use at their leisure, know what I mean? I think that it's a generous and nice idea overall, but I'm just curious about some of the other details. When in doubt, I would pair it with something else that's personal for each of them, even something small ... a bottle of their favorite wines, a book or DVD you know they'd each like, a small gift card (iTunes, Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, etc.), a little trinket you know they'd enjoy and use, etc.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]\

The $50 is in form of a visa gift card that they can choose to spend as they wish. They all want to get a mani-pedi and that costs $98. Should I be paying for the mani pedis in full? The bridesmaids are also getting a key chain and some sandals that they can choose to wear after pictures and the ceremony.

SandDD · January 2010

This is just my opinion, but I think giving them a $50 gift certificate is not worth it to a spa that would cost them an extra $50+ (with tip) to get something they want!

A gift isn't thoughtful if it means they have to spend more money to use it!

If you really like the Visa idea, maybe choose a nail salon where what they are looking for is in the price point they would be receiving.

jeannigirl · January 2010

Is this just something that they all wanted to do together at their suggestion. Did you want them to get this done for your wedding day. If you did make that a request then yes you should pay. If they all wanted to have this done then the 50 gift card will go toward that and they will have to kick in the rest. If they want to get the full nail.feet pkg.

stina93446 · January 2010

I for one, would NOT like the spa day. I'd love the gift card but would hate that I had to spend it all at the salon, plus extra.

Shlei · January 2010

This was an idea we suggested. This is not something they have to do by any means. The $50 does not have to go towards the spa at all. It was just a fun idea we thought we could all do. They have the option to get whatever they want done. Should I just bag it and come up with something different?
How does a bowling party sound?

stina93446 · January 2010

Is the spa mantadory? Or (if I was a bm in your WP) could I skip it because it's too expensive?

I like the bowling. Why is the guy's thing more fun? lol Guys always get away with having fun and girls always need to "de-stress." What are the guys getting? And are they paying for their own bowling?

Shlei · January 2010

The guys are getting a bowling party (paid). They just have to pay for their own drinks and food. Perhaps we should combine the two groups and pay for everyone's bowling?

The Spa is not mandatory at all.

stina93446 · January 2010

I personally like the bowling idea better. If you paid for everyone, it's a little mixer. Everyone who is in the bp gets to meet and hang out. Is this their BP gift? I think I remember another gift, but I can't find it.

Shlei · January 2010

Yes. Originally it was to be a basket with sandals, a $50 visa gift card and a locket keychain with a thank you note.

stina93446 · January 2010

So if you do the paid bowling, you DON'T do the other gifts? I am just trying to clarify all this...

aerinpegadrak · January 2010

Personally, I'd prefer to bowl. I'd find chucking a heavy projectile much more of a stress reliever than having a stranger mess with my feet any day.

Why not ask your girls what they'd prefer? Just put it to a vote, whether they'd like to join the boys for bowling or go to the spa, and be up front about what they'd have to pay. Perhaps if a couple of the girls really want to go to the spa and the rest want to bowl, you can do a separate, non-official-wedding-related spa day with them another time.

Shlei · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_this-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce417657-1d23-4854-beaf-dea1f3443acfPost:ce4cf1aa-1903-4015-8209-9bd0b06a9a1b">Re: Is this Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]So if you do the paid bowling, you DON'T do the other gifts? I am just trying to clarify all this...
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

If I do the bowling the other gifts will be there except the $50 gift card.

stina93446 · January 2010

I think it's fine. And not to upset you or anything, but have you thought about getting them different things? I don't think your ideas are bad, but you're getting everyone a keychain and a pair of flip flops. Do these girls like keychains and flip flops? Just checking....

Shlei · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_this-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce417657-1d23-4854-beaf-dea1f3443acfPost:4e284414-b510-4707-a318-0c79bca60a60">Re: Is this Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's fine. And not to upset you or anything, but have you thought about getting them different things? I don't think your ideas are bad, but you're getting everyone a keychain and a pair of flip flops. Do these girls like keychains and flip flops? Just checking....
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

I figure keychains are fine. The flip flops they all love and wear.

banana468 · January 2010

I think Stina is hitting on some big things here.

If you're going to go to a spa, I'd want to go to one that doesn't charge so much for manis and pedis.

Shlei · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_this-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce417657-1d23-4854-beaf-dea1f3443acfPost:293507ca-e32b-433a-bcf6-a653e7dc4502">Re: Is this Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think Stina is hitting on some big things here. If you're going to go to a spa, I'd want to go to one that doesn't charge so much for manis and pedis.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I live in an expensive area where $98 for a mani/pedi is an amazing deal. Maybe I should up the visa gift card to $75? Shoot, I didn't think this through enough.

stina93446 · January 2010

Where is this expensive area in CO? Did you look at different salons or just your favorite? Are you treating everyone to brunch? I feel like doing brunch is enough. You could do gifts and the brunch, right?

emilyinchile · January 2010

I know the spa is optional, but if I were a BM and that were the official BM activity for the day, I'd feel like I had to go. If each of them independently has said she wants to pay $100 to get her nails done, then great, but otherwise I think it would be better to do something where you're able to cover the whole cost of the activity plus the thank you gift.

The entire WP bowling party sounds fun!

Shlei · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_this-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce417657-1d23-4854-beaf-dea1f3443acfPost:0275db97-9acb-451d-9e60-a2be5c5095d7">Re: Is this Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Where is this expensive area in CO? Did you look at different salons or just your favorite? Are you treating everyone to brunch? I feel like doing brunch is enough. You could do gifts and the brunch, right?
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

Vail. The other spas are cheaper but they also are not quality (I speak from personal experience). Again the spa is optional. Brunch and bowling? The gifts and brunch are enough you think? I just want to make it clear that none of it is mandatory. I understand it makes for a full day.

stina93446 · January 2010

I think it's great that you want to give them brunch, bowling, and gifts. But I don't think you necessarily have to do that much. You could always skip one thing and go more expensive on something else. Personally, I think the bowling and a nice gift are better than the brunch. Not that I don't like brunch, but you could put the money that you're putting towards the french toast and mimosas and get them something else/more.

For me, I got them expensive gifts($100 things that fit their personalities) and jamba juice for the morning of the wedding.

I agree with Emily that I'd feel it was mandatory too. I'd feel obligated to go and pay for my nails to be done.

Shlei · January 2010

Ok. Thank you all for helping out. You gave me a lot to think about.

duckie1905 · January 2010

Honestly, I don't like spas and I don't like bowling. So what gifts are you planning for those that may not want to participate?

mrsamyjones · January 2010

sorry to poo poo you're gift ideas, but putting myself in your BMs place I'd be like gee thanks....a keychain and flip flops...I'd skip those all together. The bowling and brunch sound fun. Personally I have been in a few weddings and while I think it's nice that the brides gave the wp gifts they were always kinda cheese ball and they ended up being tossed almost immediately.

Also as a side note, on of my friends who is a groomsman in my wedding gave me and about 7 other friends this christmas keychains, and now i'm stuck with a hideous rock of a keychain on my keys because I dont want to offend him, but I'd much rather have had a christmas card with a nice note than the keychain.

This may be me just getting out my frustration about my friend, but now I really hate keychains

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