Date conflicts...easy to resolve if you ask me...not so easy for FIL's

secretbride1988 · March 2011

We choose our wedding day because its in summer, its nice, and yeah well WE choose it.

Future Sister In Law has a son who lives here and she lives in another state...son will be comiing to visit her and his friends when we are scheduled to get married. I find it easy to work around...I mean its her BROTHER'S wedding! I'd do sooo much to be at my brothers wedding.

FIL's have a vacation planned for our day. Am i wrong to suggest they cancel their vacation? They travel a lot so I'm sure I could pick any summer day and it would conflict.

Butter Cookie · March 2011

Did they set the vacation before or after you set your wedding date?

Also what's up with the screen name?

*Barbie* · March 2011

they picked their vacations just like you picked your date.

why didn't you check with immediate family before picking a date?

don't complain if they are no-shows.

secretbride1988 · March 2011

name is cuz for a while we weren't going to tell people we were engaged...just enjoy it first but we cant' keep secrets!

THey made it before we did ours but they are always gone so idk I'm more upset about his sister...

Butter Cookie · March 2011

Yeah, I'm in the "you should have checked" camp first.

You have to decide how important it is to both of you that his parents be there. If it's not proceed and if it is change the date.

secretbride1988 · March 2011

If his parents aren't there we wont' get married but if I had kids I would change a freaking trip to the moon! for their wedding so idk why they can't just cancel it

*Barbie* · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_date-conflictseasy-resolve-ask-menot-easy-fils?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:c8d4ce77-d47a-496c-9e51-5ccc80c7ddb3Post:3d5dfd95-bee8-4a7e-b3b8-ab354cf8d1b5">Re: Date conflicts...easy to resolve if you ask me...not so easy for FIL's</a>:
[QUOTE]name is cuz for a while we weren't going to tell people we were engaged...just enjoy it first but we cant' keep secrets! <strong>THey made it before we did ours but they are always gone so idk I'm more upset about his sister...</strong>
Posted by secretbride1988[/QUOTE]

so you chose a wedding date - on purpose - when your FILs had a vacation planned, and you want them to change their plans? entitled much?

does your FI know/care that his parents and sister will not be able to attend his wedding?

let me guess, you're also confused about why your FILs don't like you/don't approve of the marriage, right?

Butter Cookie · March 2011

This isn't your decision to make. Stop getting so pissed. Your wedding is not as important to anybody else as it is to you. You have no idea what is going on in their heads and getting up in arms about this won't fix anything. I'm not saying they're right, because I know my mother would cancel a trip for me, but getting pissed off and screaming at them about it won't change it and it certainly won't improve the relationship. Clearly if they don't make a change they've made their choice about what is more important. Take that knowledge and move forward.

Also: I'm assuming this wedding date is still months and months away and the money for a trip can be reimbursed. If it can't and you haven't put down deposits well then we're back to being selfish.

TheDuckis · March 2011

Have you already booked the ceremony and reception? Because if not, you don't have a wedding date.

Do your ILs have their tickets for this vacation, or is it more of a "we're driving to the summer house that weekend" kind of deal. I side with whoever has actual real money down on this one.

As far as the sister having her son in town, why doesn't he just come to the wedding? He'll be your nephew.

secretbride1988 · March 2011

I had no idea they had this trip planned. And his parents Love me! I didnt' even pick my wedding day! My fiance did! All year round we work our butts off for others whether it be charity or community. We don't vacation because that would take time away from our charity work. We are asking for one day to be about US. Our love...we are the only people in his family that did not elope and we want this day to be special. I think that yes we are ENTITLED to that day. I'm sorry but yes I do think I'm entitled. I'm entitled to one DAY out of my WHOLE life for me and my FH.

Honestly these forums are awful. I'm not saying I want to be told I'm right all the time but geeeze ladies I mean you are all getting married and may also have difficulties that others can't understand...show some sympathy.

hmonkey · March 2011

how difficult would it be to ask them if they have any vacations planned before booking a wedding date?

i got married on bastille day, but i wasn't inviting all of france.

TheDuckis · March 2011

Well perhaps if you weren't trying to keep your engagement a secret, his family would have been more willing and able to arrange their plans around yours.

Butter Cookie · March 2011

And nobody was even "mean" to you

And nobody said you weren't entitled to one day.

What you aren't entitled to is everybody else caring. It's the truth. It's not meant to hurt you, it's just honesty.

And if his whole family has eloped I don't think they understand the significance you're putting on the day. Why would they? They all eloped, that was good for them. It isn't good for you.

If you're so hurt and frustrated maybe you should talk to them and tell them how important this is for you.

And stop throwing around "We spend X amount of time doing charitable things! So everybody should consider that when thinking about this wedding!" << it makes you seem like an ass, and not really doing charitable things for the right reasons. If you want to donate time and such to help others great, but let it be about helping others, not about helping yourself.

hmonkey · March 2011

why did they all elope -- were all those marriages shotgun?

kuus, i'm going to need to borrow your "don't marry into a trashy family" option.

*Barbie* · March 2011

sure, have YOUR DAY, but if it's important to you that certain people attend (like immediate family) you need to be respectful of their time and commitments. You chose a day without asking if people had plans, so you don't get to complain when they do. Are you willing to foot the bill for your ILs to change their vaction plans so they can attend your wedding?

nmeirose · March 2011

I hate to jump right in with this, but here's another thread started yesterday by the OP:

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_reception-venues-southeastern-wisconsin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:98ceef72-87a6-4649-b6e3-1e6a6ed62f37Post:493011b9-5daf-4bf9-9624-78bfae859cfe">Reception Venues Southeastern Wisconsin</a>:
[QUOTE]I just got engaged yesterday and we are getting married in August of this year. It's really hard to find reception venues around here. Any suggestions?
Posted by secretbride1988[/QUOTE]

So if the OP just got engaged sunday, and was looking for advice on venues yesterday, I highly doubt that her wedding date is as set in stone as she claims. Sorry to seem doubtful, but the facts are the facts!

If you care about your relationship with your FILs, and this engagement is real, change your date!

secretbride1988 · March 2011

Keeping my date! Every other day I suggested was even WORSE for them...they said the 20th was the most workable

woooo hoooo

summer wedding

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