SIL/BIL's

amh04 · September 2011

I know the how do you get along with your FMIL/MIL question was asked a few weeks ago - but how do you all get along with your FI's/H's sibilings (brothers and sisters). Are you all close or talk often? Was it always like this or did it improve/worsen over time?

amh04 · September 2011

Personally, I don't know where I really stand with them or how to improve our relationship. I never had sisters and FI has 3. They are all really close with one another so when we visit it's very much oddball out type of scenario. It'd be nice if I could have a good relationship with them, but I don't know if that would ever happen since we aren't close by ya know? Maybe one day, but we certainly aren't close now..

Irishcurls · September 2011

Fi has one younger brother and a fiancée. I love them both!! But we see them as often as we can (about two hours away from each other). And his fi and I made a point to get manicures together or go shopping without the boys etc. Just being girls together. As for fi's brother, he's just the sweetest guy and he made a big effort to get to know me so I was super lucky. I think it just takes time.

calindi · September 2011

FI has 3 sisters and one former step-sister. It's just a weird dynamic all the way around, and their communication skills aren't the best. When I first started dating FI, I had to put a quick end to some of his passive aggressive tendencies and his habit to get defensive easily and willingness to lash out as soon as we had a disagreement. He's sooooo much better now, but his family is still the same way. So far, they really like me. And I like them. But I know it's all subject to change.

(Warning - about to vent and get long winded - feel free to skip to the last paragraph and you won't miss much)

FI's Mom & Dad had him and then his sister J before getting divorced. Then his Mom remarried and had C & S. Her husband had a daughter from another marriage, R. Except R lived with her Mom full time.

J is two and half years younger than FI (so 6 months older than me) and was always competitive with FI, mostly spurred on by their mother, and still is today. She got married 3 years ago to a really sweet guy and they had a baby in March. She got her degree in Pharmacy right after I met FI, and has settled into her hometown. I think she either envies or resents FI for leaving their hometown. She's always been nice to me when I see her, but it's not like we email or chat. She just doesn't respond to phone calls, emails, or Facebook messages. She's given us the cold shoulder since we got engaged in April, telling family members that we did it a month after her baby was born to 'show her up'. Uh, no. Babies win, always, even if it was a competition. She literally wouldn't talk to FI after her baby was born because of this whole stupid misunderstanding - their Dad's birthday was that weekend, and we had all agreed to split a computer for him. So FI knew she was due that week, so he went ahead and bought it and texted her the price (which was about $10 more than anticipated, so he wanted to let her know). Turns out he texted her right as she was in labor, but no one told him. So she thinks he was being money-grubbing rather than worrying about his sister and niece. So we literally haven't talked to her since - she never congratulated us on the engagement, nothing. FI thinks she's evil and would rather cut off all contact - I keep telling him she's hormonal and we can just keep a cordial relationship, no reason to rock the boat.

C is 20 years old, a sweetie, and lived with me for 2 months this summer, but she's still woefully naive about what she'll do for a career after college. She also filling me in on her college life, and she's in a sorority that acts very much like the stereotype. She hangs out with dumb girls who talk sing-songy and trade boys as if they were Pogs (kudos to those who know the reference). She's not as careful as she should be, but I think she'll be okay.

S is 16 years old and in desperate need of discipline, which her Mom won't give her since she wants to be her best friend. Drives FI and me up a wall! She's at a crossroads, and she can keep going down the bad path and end up kicked out of school or at least never graduating college, with no direction or ambition or work ethic, and no strong morals or social skills. She's combative, disrespectful of any authority figure. She really needs a parent, and that's just lacking. She looooooooooves me, thinks I'm the best thing ever. I really have a soft spot for her, and want her to succeed. We actually debated having her live with us for her senior year to try to give her some structure, but we're just not stable enough now since we're both so busy and don't have the time to commit to parenting a 16 year old. Plus the environment here isn't good for someone who is 5'9", 120 lbs, with DD breasts who already bases her identity on her sexuality. The Latino machismo would not help.

And R isn't very close with us, but she's close with the girls (she shares a father with C & S, and J is fond of her). She got pregnant at 16 years old, but has done a really good job in turning her life around - she's just completing her dental associate's degree (which I think is a fabulous thing for her to do as a single Mom) and is trying her best to be a good role model for her 5 year old son. She's apparently getting married next week, FMIL tells me. We're not invited, but she'll be invited to ours. FMIL, J, C & S are mad at R because R's Dad is throwing her a graduation party the same night that they had planned J's birthday party, and they think it's rude that R wants they all to reschedule a birthday party for a "stupid fake graduation". That made FI and me so mad since they're clearly not showing any respect for the hard work R has put in to get herself through school!

Anyway, that was EXCESSIVELY long winded, so I apologize to anyone who read it all. The dynamics just enfuriate me sometimes since I'm so close with my family, and we all are super supportive of each other. My parents flew out to Colorado to attend my brother's girlfriend's one year masters' degree party. And FI's family couldn't care less what's going on with him, and likely won't come down for his graduation from law school. I've reserved hotels just in case. They didn't care when he joined the Marines, they didn't care when he took the LSAT, it's all rather lukewarm support. They exclude him all the time to do "girl things", like vacations where FMIL takes the girls (and their significant others!!!) on vacation, but don't invite FI or me. It hurts FI every single time.

firsttimersluck · September 2011

FBIL= amazing. He is the sweetest guy ever. He is a brilliant (engineer just like fi), musical, nerdy guy just like Fi and it makes it really easy to get along. I have only met him a handful of times but he always hugs me hello and goodbye like he is actually my brother, is SOOOOOO excited about our wedding, says "love you guys" when we leave so as to not leave me out... ACK he is so awesome and welcoming. :] I'm so so lucky to have him.

FSIL=hit and miss. I want to form a better relationship with her, but Fi and her don't get along well, and she is BEEEEST FRIENDS with Fis most recent ex who is reeeally bitter towards him. It's hard when we live across the country from her. She has had some really bitter, not so nice moments with me, but I think we have gotten past all that and are in neutral territory for now.. Which I'm thrilled about. Hey it's a start, right? :]

Beachy730 · September 2011

H has 2 younger brothers, and one just got married so I have a SIL too. I'm not close really with any of them, but get along with all of them fine. We live on opposite sides of the country, and they are all complete opposites of H and I. H gets really frustrated with how dependent they both still are on his mom, and the horrible financial decisions they make (buying pot and tattoos instead of paying to fix their cars, etc.). It's a random reminder to me sometimes how different H could have turned out if he stayed there instead of joining the military.

KendallR10 · September 2011

FI has a half sister but he has never met her.

FI has a full brother and him and I do NOT get along. I'm the silly fun loud crazy type. and he is quiet and wayyy to serious type. I made a joke and he said he would kill me

AmandaSC1988 · September 2011

FI has a Brother, but he lives across the country so I have only hung out with him a couple of times. But he and I are so similar it is crazy! We both have the same weird eating habits and both are so directionally challenged we get lost going across town. I haven’t been around him too much, but I’m sure if I was I would like him.

YoungDuo · September 2011

I will be gaining an SIL and since she's married, a BIL. They live in NY so we don't see them very often. However, SIL and I talk on a pretty regular basis and get along really well, even with our 6 year age difference. Since they're expecting their first child, FI and I are looking forward to going to NY a lot to see the family

prettyirishgirl · September 2011

FI only has one sibling - older brother. I met him for the first time during this past move and we were all together with his family for about a weeks. It was stressful because of such close quarters, but we get along really well considering. He is very nice and a lot like FI and their dad which is great because is dad is my favorite of his family hands down. He is married and has two kids. I've met his wife more then him (he's been deployed suddenly and unexpectedly every time FI and I have gone to visit) I do get along better with the brother then the wife. We just aren't very similar, but we do get along and talk and such we just aren't very close. I also got put in the middle last summer when all the women in FI's family went to visit them and we saw them a week later. Even the nice little grandmothers were pissed at FSIL and FI's step dad even said somethign negative and he's the one to always be nice and quite and very forgiving (the first to defent always).

This may seem very mean but I'm kind of happy that we don't live by FI's family at the moment so that I don't get put in the middle because since that right before we really got engaged moment when everyone knew we would they have been comparing us and I don't want it to hurt FSIL & my relationship because FI loves his brother and we both love his niece and nephew and if you want to see the kids cant fight with mom. I also was being told by all of their family things she was doing like not wanting FIs mom, step-dad and dad to visit, but letting her parents stay for months. And since i grew up with my grandparents basically seeing me as some sort of family accessory only intended for holidays its some of those things that I don't want to dislike FSIL but the more I hear and see the more I do which just stinks because everyone else I've just grown to like even more then I did at first.

Rethany · September 2011

FI has a younger half sister from his mother and step-dad. She is 15 and we go shopping and stuff quite a bit together. She is in her teenage "I hate my parents" stage and that really annoys me at times. But we are going homecoming dress shopping together next weekend. I love that she looks up to me. After FI's mom died, his stepdad got remarried. They have a kid too. Obviously no relation, but they still call each other sister and brother. She is 5. She is so cute and we get along just fine!

FI has an older half sister from his dad's side. They used to be close, but then she started only coming around when it was convenient for her or when FI's dad was having health issues. So FI doesn't even talk to her anymore and asked that she not be invited to the wedding. I've only met her once and she was really nice, but I can understand why FI doesn't get along with her much anymore.

CAB1217 · September 2011

I adore FI's brothers, and I get along well with their wives, but one of them kind of gets on my nerves

She's nice and all, but she's so drama. Still, I really like them all.

Elle1036 · September 2011

FI has two younger sisters. At this point, I get along really well with both of them. It wasn't always that way, but we all put some work into it and things are great now. I'll probably ask both of them to be BMs in the wedding, and I'm really excited to be gaining two sisters. I have only brothers right now.

divinemsbee · September 2011

Cal- I loooooved Pogs.

FI has one brother, 3 years younger than him. They've always been really close; as I've said before on here, FI's family is extremely insular/isolationist. They moved around a lot until they settled in MS when FI was 7, so he and his brother were really their only playmates, and then they were homeschooled, which added a lot to that. They're becoming less close as their paths diverge more, his brother is unemployed, and we've called in all our favors in the town he lives in (wish I had someone to do that for me here, but that's how it goes) and he won't even go fill out applications. He wants to be in film and stuff, but he's living in a rather small college town in MS (where FI's parents live), and there aren't many paying opportunities for that. FI has recently come to the conclusion that he loves his brother, and he wants to help get him set up, but he can't just bail him out (of life, not jail) all the time.

He and I get along okay, he decided to hate me for a while, but he's coming around, mainly because I'm not going away. I've tried to be helpful to him through FI, so I think that's helping.

shan87 · September 2011

H has one younger Brother by 2 years. He hated me in HS, but has since grown to love me. (H actually gave him a black eye because he called me a dog, and a fat whale.... but that is another story for another day)

I like him and we help him out any way we can out him on our phone plan (his parents pay though).. but I think he is spoiled and it bugs me. His parents gave both their boys the same opportunities but I think his brother exploits them a lot. ie. ILs paid for BIL's undergrad (which they would have done for H had he not went to a Service Academy) they gave him a Sam's club for food, pay his rent, gas, so he can focus on school (he is mega smart) so he would buy his entire house mates food etc. Then he decided he wants to go to graduate school AND medical school and just assumes his parent's will pay for it. Just enrolled never told them until months later. He parent's had to put building a new home on hold to pay for the extra schooling... its just selfish..IMO... I have never heard BIL or heard from his parents or H that BIL thank them for all they have done for him. Who knows... maybe he will take care of them when they are elderly but that seems unlikely.

SamiJoeB · September 2011

I have a BIL.. He's really nice and all, but he's close to 30 and a confirmed bachelor living in Las Vegas so we have very little in common. He says he wants to settle down, but yet he lives in Vegas, which doesn't exactly scream "I'm the marrying type". I think there was some animosity between H and BIL because H is the baby and he got married first.. but whatever..

TaeLynne · September 2011

FI has 2 younger siblings. A 22 year old brother and a 17 year old sister. I have only met both of them once since they live across the country. I didn't mind his brother at all at first, at the time he was married to someone who wasn't good for him at all and who strongly disliked FI because he was deployed and couldn't come to their wedding so she was bitter about that for the 4 years they were married and never had anything nice to say about FI.

Since then they have gotten divorced and he has done a complete 180. I don't really like the person he has become at all. And he has made ZERO effort to come to our wedding because he doesn't care to. He's known about the wedding for a year now and FI's grandma even offered to pay for him so he didn't have an excuse and he's still not coming. Ugh, it just makes me really mad but it's his choice so oh well.

His sister on the other hand adores me and we got along really well. She has always been nothing but sweet to me and was stoked her brother is getting married to me.

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