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September 2012 Weddings
So, without a financial miracle, our wedding's indefinitely postponed. *Long, so sorry*
I've been hella absent around the Knot these days for many reasons (school and health stress playing a huge factor). Long story short, cash is very tight. We had a few grand tucked away for the wedding, a good part of it from his mom, but we were going to pull it off.
The last week of school, one of our cats took horribly ill. Our cats are our children, so needless to say we went full out trying to save her. We borrowed against the wedding savings (with his mom's blessing re her part), knowing insurance would only pay back a partial amount. Sadly, she didn't make it, and $1500 later, we had to put her down.
FI and i can't qualify for new credit right now and didn't really want to do that for the wedding anyway. No cash savings, no wedding.
Our wedding's a modest budget for our city ($9K for 90 guests), but I don't see us finding that by September. We were already talking of trimming the guests in half (luckily, no invites/STDs out yet for anyone we'd cut) before this.
I feel crappy. I was really looking forward to marrying him on my favourite day of the year, the same day as my favourite all-night arts event (our after party), and just marrying him in and of itself. It also seems like right as this is all going down, all of my friends are either eloping, moving their weddings up to this year, etc... So I've been hibernating.
It's decision time though for calling it off indefinitely and such, and I don't want to. It's ridiculous, but I'm scratching my head trying to find a way. I was hoping you genius Knotties could either help craft a solution or offer some wisdom. Best I can tell, the options are:
1) Postpone indefinitely/at least a year. This is the rational choice I guess, but my heart's been set on a fall wedding so it's literally now, or next year.
2) Give up the fall wedding so the postponement can be shorter - no guarantees though
3) Dramatically alter our wedding plans and make it work on a very modest budget.
We don't have an option for a house wedding and city hall here is HORRID. Like, godawful. Our venue has a $250 fee for ceremony on site (already paid via deposit) and no fee for the room for a party larger than 8, just food/booze costs ($60 pp incl. tax and tip). Our officiant's a third paid for via deposit. So's the photographer.
I've mulled cutting the guests to 25 people, just having a ceremony, having a ceremony and punch/cake reception.... I don't want to be tacky or rude, but I do want to marry him sooner rather than later. There are family issues at play for me (people who may not see next year) that pressure me.
I suppose if we cancel for now, I have more time to get in shape - already dreading engagement photos next month and frankly thinking of rescheduling them again. But I'm still depressed.
Thoughts? TL; DR cliff notes: drained our savings for an emergency - now stuck debating the options above.
The last week of school, one of our cats took horribly ill. Our cats are our children, so needless to say we went full out trying to save her. We borrowed against the wedding savings (with his mom's blessing re her part), knowing insurance would only pay back a partial amount. Sadly, she didn't make it, and $1500 later, we had to put her down.
FI and i can't qualify for new credit right now and didn't really want to do that for the wedding anyway. No cash savings, no wedding.
Our wedding's a modest budget for our city ($9K for 90 guests), but I don't see us finding that by September. We were already talking of trimming the guests in half (luckily, no invites/STDs out yet for anyone we'd cut) before this.
I feel crappy. I was really looking forward to marrying him on my favourite day of the year, the same day as my favourite all-night arts event (our after party), and just marrying him in and of itself. It also seems like right as this is all going down, all of my friends are either eloping, moving their weddings up to this year, etc... So I've been hibernating.
It's decision time though for calling it off indefinitely and such, and I don't want to. It's ridiculous, but I'm scratching my head trying to find a way. I was hoping you genius Knotties could either help craft a solution or offer some wisdom. Best I can tell, the options are:
1) Postpone indefinitely/at least a year. This is the rational choice I guess, but my heart's been set on a fall wedding so it's literally now, or next year.
2) Give up the fall wedding so the postponement can be shorter - no guarantees though
3) Dramatically alter our wedding plans and make it work on a very modest budget.
We don't have an option for a house wedding and city hall here is HORRID. Like, godawful. Our venue has a $250 fee for ceremony on site (already paid via deposit) and no fee for the room for a party larger than 8, just food/booze costs ($60 pp incl. tax and tip). Our officiant's a third paid for via deposit. So's the photographer.
I've mulled cutting the guests to 25 people, just having a ceremony, having a ceremony and punch/cake reception.... I don't want to be tacky or rude, but I do want to marry him sooner rather than later. There are family issues at play for me (people who may not see next year) that pressure me.
I suppose if we cancel for now, I have more time to get in shape - already dreading engagement photos next month and frankly thinking of rescheduling them again. But I'm still depressed.
Thoughts? TL; DR cliff notes: drained our savings for an emergency - now stuck debating the options above.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So, without a financial miracle, our wedding's indefinitely postponed. *Long, so sorry*
As for your wedding. I would try really hard to not postpone it, but you should do what is best for you. The way it lined up with the arts festival thing was really perfect. I would suggest scaling it back on food (and maybe not having alcohol at all...people can drink at the after party and you won't have to pay for it!) and cutting as much floral as you can or switching to silks/DIY. If you are planning on any fluff (videographer/photobooth kinda stuff) you should cut that right away. What about your cake? Could you scale it back to a smaller cutting cake and then just serve your guests sheet cake of the same flavor?
[QUOTE]I've been hella absent around the Knot these days for many reasons (school and health stress playing a huge factor). Long story short, cash is very tight. We had a few grand tucked away for the wedding, a good part of it from his mom, but we were going to pull it off. The last week of school, one of our cats took horribly ill. Our cats are our children, so needless to say we went full out trying to save her. We borrowed against the wedding savings (with his mom's blessing re her part), knowing insurance would only pay back a partial amount. Sadly, she didn't make it, and $1500 later, we had to put her down. FI and i can't qualify for new credit right now and didn't really want to do that for the wedding anyway. No cash savings, no wedding. Our wedding's a modest budget for our city ($9K for 90 guests), but I don't see us finding that by September. We were already talking of trimming the guests in half (luckily, no invites/STDs out yet for anyone we'd cut) before this. I feel crappy. I was really looking forward to marrying him on my favourite day of the year, the same day as my favourite all-night arts event (our after party), and just marrying him in and of itself. It also seems like right as this is all going down, all of my friends are either eloping, moving their weddings up to this year, etc... So I've been hibernating. It's decision time though for calling it off indefinitely and such, and I don't want to. It's ridiculous, but I'm scratching my head trying to find a way. I was hoping you genius Knotties could either help craft a solution or offer some wisdom. Best I can tell, the options are: 1) Postpone indefinitely/at least a year. This is the rational choice I guess, but my heart's been set on a fall wedding so it's literally now, or next year. 2) Give up the fall wedding so the postponement can be shorter - no guarantees though 3) Dramatically alter our wedding plans and make it work on a very modest budget. We don't have an option for a house wedding and city hall here is HORRID. Like, godawful. Our venue has a $250 fee for ceremony on site (already paid via deposit) and no fee for the room for a party larger than 8, just food/booze costs ($60 pp incl. tax and tip). Our officiant's a third paid for via deposit. So's the photographer. <strong>I've mulled cutting the guests to 25 people, just having a ceremony, having a ceremony and punch/cake reception.... I don't want to be tacky or rude, but I do want to marry him sooner rather than later. </strong> There are family issues at play for me (people who may not see next year) that pressure me. I suppose if we cancel for now, I have more time to get in shape - already dreading engagement photos next month and frankly thinking of rescheduling them again. But I'm still depressed. Thoughts? TL; DR cliff notes: drained our savings for an emergency - now stuck debating the options above.
Posted by likeadeadstar[/QUOTE]
There is nothing tecky about this. I'm sure the main boards would say different but you know what? Not every wedding has to be the event of the century. If family and close friends know the sad situation (very very sorry for your loss btw) they will understand, and won't care if its not some massive fluff day. My FSIL has been engaged for 3 years, and had postponed her wedding tons of times due to both her and her Fi's job loss. Everyone tried to talk her into doing this sort of wedding and she was like "Oh no thats stupid!" When it comes down to it, all that matters is that you are married to the man of your dreams, so who cares how it goes down?
[QUOTE]In Response to So, without a financial miracle, our wedding's indefinitely postponed. *Long, so sorry* : There is nothing tecky about this.<strong> I'm sure the main boards would say different but you know what? </strong>Not every wedding has to be the event of the century. If family and close friends know the sad situation (very very sorry for your loss btw) they will understand, and won't care if its not some massive fluff day. My FSIL has been engaged for 3 years, and had postponed her wedding tons of times due to both her and her Fi's job loss. Everyone tried to talk her into doing this sort of wedding and she was like "Oh no thats stupid!" When it comes down to it, all that matters is that you are married to the man of your dreams, so who cares how it goes down?
Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Actually, no one on the other boards would say this is tacky. Having an intimate wedding with some sort of hosted food even if it is "just" cake is completely appropriate etiquette wise. </div><div>
</div><div>I hate to come off as bitchy but there is so much "oh the other boards are so mean and evil" comments on here and they're often not warranted. It gets really frustrating.
</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to So, without a financial miracle, our wedding's indefinitely postponed. *Long, so sorry* : There is nothing tecky about this. I'm sure the main boards would say different but you know what? Not every wedding has to be the event of the century. If family and close friends know the sad situation (very very sorry for your loss btw) they will understand, and won't care if its not some massive fluff day. My FSIL has been engaged for 3 years, and had postponed her wedding tons of times due to both her and her Fi's job loss. Everyone tried to talk her into doing this sort of wedding and she was like "Oh no thats stupid!" <strong>When it comes down to it, all that matters is that you are married to the man of your dreams, so who cares how it goes down?
</strong>Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]
This is exactly what I was thinking. What's important is the marriage not necessarily the wedding. Of course we would all want to have our ideal wedding, but in real life that's just not always possible. Whatever decision you make, make it for you and FI not based on what others may think of you.
I've rescheduled my wedding too, it is hard. It really sucks to tell everyone it has changed. They immediately think something is wrong with the relationship. Just hold your head high and explain simply that it wasn't a fiscally responsible move at this time.
Hugs and lots of love.
There are also lots of options for cutting costs! As pp said, I went with silk flowers and have saved a TON on my floral budget for example.
That's right, I blog! - The Domestic Soldier
Although a wedding doesn't need to be big or expensive, it does need to be what both of you want. If you're going to look back on your wedding with regret, I'd hold off until you can make it what you want (realistically anyway). I know that for us, we could have definitely spent a lot less on our wedding but we knew it was a one shot deal and wanted to make it exactly what we wanted, with limitations we could live with (and no regrets).
You guys could get married and plan something bigger when you're able to do so, if that's an option. I wouldn't want you to feel like you missed out. Ultimately do whatever work best for both of you and what makes you both happy
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, without a financial miracle, our wedding's indefinitely postponed. *Long, so sorry* : Actually, no one on the other boards would say this is tacky. Having an intimate wedding with some sort of hosted food even if it is "just" cake is completely appropriate etiquette wise. <strong> I hate to come off as bitchy but there is so much "oh the other boards are so mean and evil" comments on here and they're often not warranted. It gets really frustrating. </strong>
Posted by celticmyss[/QUOTE]
I agree with Celtic 100%. Celtic, you are not coming off as bitchy at all.
OP- One of the most common solutions to budget weddings is to do an afternoon cake and punch reception, maybe a few finger foods. You can talk with your venue to see if you can get your deposits back along with other vendors.
An alternative to your wedding is a public space (e.g. park or city owned property), have a friend be ordained and look for a cheaper photographer. I am having my friend do mine all day, rehearsal, bridal shower for about 1200, she is trying to break into wedding photography. Get some sheet cakes, make some lemonade or tea, and have some soda and water. You can bar-b-que or do some munchies on a platter.
In the end these people are coming to celebrate your marriage and are often your nearest and dearest. You can make it work on a budget and forego all of the fancy stuff.
However, if you won't be happy you should postpone.
As far as the wedding goes. I think it's really up to you. what's more urgent to you? the wedding or the marriage? There is nothing wrong with a cake/punch reception as long as you don't do it at meal time. however, if you had a big banging party in mind and you are going to be sad when you don't have that, I would think about postponing. It depends on what your vision for your wedding is.
Also, I know this is going to sound ridiculous, since you have probably thought of everything.... but, is there any way to earn extra money? Can you or your fiance get night/weekend job temporarily? Host some garage sales? Don't laugh... garage sales can make a small fortune.
Last year... all three of my dogs got into a costco size bottle of advil. They ate about 100 pills between the three of them. If you don't know... advil is toxic to pets. One or two advil can kill a small dog or cat. The vet's estimate to save them was about $7K. Needless to say, we didn't have a spare 7 grand laying around... so, our friends rallied around us, went through their garages, closets, old stuff, and hosted a huge yard sale for us. Everyone was thrilled to have the motivation to get rid of old stuff for a good cause. At the end of two weekends, we made a little over $2,000.00.
The yard sale ended up so huge, we had to ask our neighbors if we could use their front lawn too. We had SO much stuff !! When some of the people who stopped at the yard sale asked about the size of the yard sale, my friends told them what happened, and people ended up giving us extra money ($5.00 for a $2.00 item, etc.)
I'm not suggesting this is the only way to earn extra money...as much as I am saying, try to get creative with ways to fund the wedding. You may be surprised.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
I love the blog www.budgetsavvybride.com. You will be amazed at some of the beautiful weddings people throw on super small budgets.
Re: cost-cutting: This was already a budget wedding by Toronto standards. Tons of DIY. Our DJ services are being donated as a wedding gift by the BM, who DJs. Our cupcakes are being made by FI's aunt. I'm allergic to most flowers so we'd already opted silks and much of the decor works out cheaply because of the theme (Alice In Wonderland). Aside from dropping favors and dropping my custom dress ($800 max, a steal for what I was getting done) and grabbing something off the rack, we kinda cut everything we could. All that's left is food and drink. We don't have a limo, videographer, delayed honeymoon was planned from the start... The one thing I was adamant on was our officiant, who is amazing and worth every penny. The ceremony being right was important to me. Our photographer is genius and inexpensive as a bonus. We aren't even getting new rings (we have matching "engagement bands" from before he bought my e-ring that we'd decided to use).
Our venue is a brewery and pub so outside booze is naturally not allowed. Cake and punch is the only cost-cutter measure left, aside from eloping at city hall and losing deposits.
Re: extra $: The market is very bad in this city. I was laid off two years ago and just finished a year of college upgrading (free re-training program, so it didn't cost anything - even paid me living allowance!). But now I'm unemployed, no more living allowance and FI's income is just high enough that I can't get on social assistance until I find a job. BTW, I could live my whole life never writing another cover letter. Yikes. As for FI, he already works serious OT to pay MY bills and try and save... it's not an option. Credit's not an option. I'm disabled and can't stand prolonged periods so I can't take a min. wage fast food gig (I would if I could!). Family is in no position to help/lend upfront and be repaid later.
Re: regrets: This is a huge point for me, and I agree wholeheartedly with mamameech that if you're going to regret it, postpone it. That's why rescheduling for say, Spring won't do for me. I will regret not having a Fall wedding. I love my theme, love our venue (a quirky Brewery/Pub). I'd regret city hall.
On the other side... I'd regret it if my dad died in delay time and missed my wedding. I'd regret it if FI's grandmother or mother wasn't there. We already pushed back once from 2011 to 2012.
We wanted a casual, fun party, food, booze and music, and we could still have that, I think? Just smaller. No meal, but finger foods and dessert. Limited open bar. Music and a little dancing. Our wedding was currently planned for 4pm start but we could always do 1:30 and end at 5, provided our vendors can move (The officiant is my only concern here).
FI is very disheartened and balked when I suggested just having a ceremony and small thing a couple weeks ago, but he was still really upset. He's very traditional in the sense of being a provider and I think he feels like he's failing me. He's not. I'm going to sit down with him Sunday and have another talk about what to do with some budget #'s.
Speaking of.... what on earth does a "cake and punch" type reception cost? Anyone have experience or knowledge?
Thank you, again... you've all brightened things up a bit just by being so kind.
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