Harassing Ex. Should we file Restraining/Harassment Order?

FSForever · August 2012

Ok so I know it shouldn't bug me and I need to just ignore her but I am so fed up with FI's ex harassing us. We went to court last year to file an Order of Harassment and the judge asked if we had changed our phone numbers yet. We hadn't so we did that and she stopped. Well this past week out of the blue she decides to pull my number up off her daughters phone and started with the obscenities and stories/lies she has always bugged us with. Things that are really far fetched, like she saw FI in my car with another woman or when he works overnight he is with her. Ok he never drives my car unless I am with him and he never works nights, so I know its not true. I have never responded to her until this week and I basically stated diplomatically that she was clueless and that she needed to move on, that she was hurting her kids and grandkids. She told the daughter that she took the number from that she was going to disown her for talking to me and took the phone away from her. This kid is so sweet and due with a baby in a few weeks and her Mom pulls this kind of c--p.

FI says its because we are so close to the wedding and we have been buying baby stuff for the daughter and it is pissing her off. Ok we have lived together over 2 years and been together over 3. I am struggling with paying for the Harassment Order. We really can't afford it right now with the wedding so close but I really don't think she is going to stop. We have blocked her from our phones and that seems to have helped. Should I just hold tight and or go ahead and incur the costs? The clerk last week at the court house said we would get it granted because she went above and beyond to get our info. after we changed it. FI says we just need to ignore her and if she upsets one of us we will talk about it but not let it get to us.

Lisa50 · August 2012

How will you feel if she calls (or something else) you every day for the next X years? I would think it's worth the price of filing an order just for the peace of mind. Good luck!

audreyecu61 · August 2012

During my divorce I had to file restraining order. He finally stopped. That was almost 10years ago. He now has mail order wife from another country.

Looking back I know I did the right thing.

The best advice I can give you is to try try try to pull yourself away from any type of emotional connection, even if it is anger.

Take care of your well being not the other person, concentrate on new relationship and kids and leave that other person out of it.

Good Luck

FSForever · August 2012

Thank you ladies. She's never going to stop. I don't do the bashing thing so I will never go back to her with that. With six kids between us, we always try to do what is right for the kids/grandkids but at this point I think the order is the best way to go. If they don't like it they will live. All but one is an adult and his kids pick sides and I just won't play the games. BTW he feels the same way but its hard because its his side that causes the drama. Anyway, next paycheck working it in.

Lisa50 · August 2012

Good for you! I wish you the best.

right1thistime · August 2012

Please also think about what you are willing to do if she violates it. The order is only as good as your willingness to call the police & file charges if she violates it. And she will, just to test you- to see if you have the guts to file actual charges.

As the holder of a permanent restraining order, I learned very early on that I am the key to it's success. My xH (against whom the order is written) violated in a sneaky, subtle way. I called the police & went to court to charge him. I won, and that was the end of his violations.

If you aren't willing to take this step, don't spend the money. ~Donna

[Deleted User] · August 2012

Good luck! If you have any details of your wedding ceremony and/or reception posted on the website you can create through the knot. Take it down immediately. Also you may want to have 1-2 big individuals on stand by at the entrance of the ceremony site to keep an eye out for her & to act as bounchers. Let your reception hall know the situation & maybe even provide a picture. This way if they spot her, they can escort her out & if you do have the restraining order in place by that time, they can call the police too. If she can't get in, she can't ruin your wedding day.

FSForever · August 2012

Erikan, Thank you. We are actually marrying in Maui and know it would take and act of God for her to get there. She won't ruin it because we won't let her.

Lisa50 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_harassing-ex-should-we-file-restrainingharassment-order?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:7ee4774f-886d-48bd-b2b1-80dfc894f163Post:7fb6225d-5fad-4dd1-8a21-2921d41b5a1a">Re: Harassing Ex. Should we file Restraining/Harassment Order?</a>:
[QUOTE]Please also think about what you are willing to do if she violates it. The order is only as good as your willingness to call the police & file charges if she violates it. And she will, just to test you- to see if you have the guts to file actual charges. As the holder of a permanent restraining order, I learned very early on that I am the key to it's success. My xH (against whom the order is written) violated in a sneaky, subtle way. I called the police & went to court to charge him. I won, and that was the end of his violations. If you aren't willing to take this step, don't spend the money. ~Donna
Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

Donna knows. Pay attention to what she says!

patience bre · August 2013

Hello strong one. I had a situation that took place like that with my first marriage. I was home and I recieved a phone call from my at the time husband first wife. they were in the process of a divorce. The conversation stated with her asking for my fiancee, I was not aware at the time who she was so I informed her he wasn't at home. I then asked her who was calling? She made a point by telling me I am his WIFE! LOL. I then said well WIFE! he's not home but you can call back this evening to speak with him. She went on to say a lot of nothing to the fact he needs to call her and to start paying child support for their son. She continue to repeat our address letting me know she's aware of where we live. After her continuous repeating of my address. I then asked her did she want to come over for a visit LOL whiched shocked her. She said no asking me for my fiancee job number. I told her I would not give her that information, you already have the home number. Why distrub him at work. He will be here this evening you can call then to talk with him. I let her know she was no threat to me or our relationship by handling the situation this way. There were no words of disrepect between us, for her it's all about her ego her feeling hurt from the divorce process. He had already filed for a divoced so she wanted to cause a reaction on my part. When she didn't get the reaction she wanted, she then acted as if he was the problem through their marriage ending. I told her I would inform him she would be calling this evening. I didn't entertain in that conversation because it had nothing to do with me. He called later that day which I did inform him about her calling making it know to me she was his WIFE calling lol.. At first he suggested I not answer the phone when she calls. I let him know not the answer. I will not handle this situation with her this way playing on the phone. It's stupid and I'm so much better then that to play these kinds of games. I let him know this matter with her has nothing to do with me so deal with it. For me I wasn't threaten by her, not to say that you are. He called me back later that day informing our number would be changed in 24 hours. I let him know if it's truly over between you two, you need to handle it in a way where it will not affect us and our relationship. I don't do drama and he knows that. He also knows I will not get involved with his past issues concerning her. I hope this help you some with me sharing my story.

Harassing Ex. Should we file Restraining/Harassment Order?

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