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Wedding Woes

Forgotten Bride

I became engaged in November 2009 in Amsterdam.  It was one of the most wonderful days of my life.  We have loved each other for seven years, and he is a huge part of my family.  He secretly asked my father for his blessing and my father was overjoyed...and he kept it a secret!  Once we returned home we were showered with happiness and love...not so much from my mothers side.  With the wedding date set for November 2010 the planning began.  It was finally time for me!  In Febuary my sister became, and I stress became, pregnant.  She then had a shotgun wedding at cityhall.  My family has forgotten all about my upcoming nuptials.  While I was choosing my bridal gown, my mother was with my sister, too busy to be with me.  She has missed tastings, shopping, everything.  She has yet to get a mother of the bride dress, but has purchased everything under the sun for her soon to be grandchild.  The only tears shed by my family was when we were told the baby would be a boy.  Am I a terrible person?  Im extremely hurt that the family is planning a baby shower for my sister, with no mention of a bridal shower for me.  My sister is due two weeks prior to my wedding.  Im afraid some of my family will not show up.  Has this situation ever happened to anyone else out there?

Re: Forgotten Bride

  • C&S1030C&S1030 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ummm... your wedding is still FIVE months away.  All the girls on here will tell you the same thing: you get ONE day.  Not a week, not a month, or (in your case, what you think) several months.  Be happy for your sister and get over yourself, it's not like your wedding is next week.  Geez...
    BabyFetus Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_forgotten-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:962ee7eb-e9bb-4255-8c75-bf1ea2b8a2e5Post:e712b65a-3f0f-4f79-94d1-a41d1c7416a9">Forgotten Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I became engaged in November 2009 in Amsterdam.  It was one of the most wonderful days of my life.  We have loved each other for seven years, and he is a huge part of my family.  He secretly asked my father for his blessing and my father was overjoyed...and he kept it a secret!  Once we returned home we were showered with happiness and love...not so much from my mothers side.  With the wedding date set for November 2010 the planning began.  It was finally time for me!  In Febuary my sister became, and I stress became, pregnant.  She then had a shotgun wedding at cityhall.  My family has forgotten all about my upcoming nuptials.  While I was choosing my bridal gown, my mother was with my sister, too busy to be with me.  She has missed tastings, shopping, everything.  She has yet to get a mother of the bride dress, but has purchased everything under the sun for her soon to be grandchild.  The only tears shed by my family was when we were told the baby would be a boy.  Am I a terrible person?  Im extremely hurt that the family is planning a baby shower for my sister, with no mention of a bridal shower for me.  My sister is due two weeks prior to my wedding.  Im afraid some of my family will not show up.  Has this situation ever happened to anyone else out there?
    Posted by MichelleMarie777[/QUOTE]
    Babies trump weddings. Sorry.
    image
  • awesome-sauceawesome-sauce member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    "Grandchildren trump children."

    Have you spoken to your Mom?

    The words "No one will care about your wedding as much as you do." are true.
    .
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Why would people miss your wedding because of your niece/nephew?  Why would your mom go to tastings?  What sort of shopping?  Not to mention the wedding is two whole seasons away, why by a dress now?
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You said your mom was never that excited about your wedding, so I'm not sure why you're surprised by all of this regardless of the baby.
    Married 10/2/10
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    he only tears shed by my family was when we were told the baby would be a boy.

    Plz to explain tears shed over this.

    Ya know, it can feel sucky w/o REALLY being a woe.
    They're excited.  You're getting married.  Their other child is having a baby/making them grandparents.  I can safely say which would be more exciting to ME....(hint, the one day part would be trumped by the arrivial of a baby who will be exciting for more than 1 day).

    And...5 months?
    that's a lot of time to manage to buy a dress--I"m sure she'll manage.
  • edited December 2011
    I see how you feel like you've been put on the back burner and forgotten about.  Have you even tried talking to your mom saying something like "Mom, it's really important to me that you're involved with my wedding would you be able to do some of these things with me" ?  Simple honesty usually works.  Just talking to her might do the trick. But you said that your dad was super excited and your mom not so much, so why not ask your dad to do some things with you, he might be thrilled to be involved 
  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_forgotten-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:962ee7eb-e9bb-4255-8c75-bf1ea2b8a2e5Post:e712b65a-3f0f-4f79-94d1-a41d1c7416a9">Forgotten Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I became engaged in November 2009 in Amsterdam.  It was one of the most wonderful days of my life.  We have loved each other for seven years, and he is a huge part of my family.  He secretly asked my father for his blessing and my father was overjoyed...and he kept it a secret!  Once we returned home we were showered with happiness and love...not so much from my mothers side.  With the wedding date set for November 2010 the planning began.  It was finally time for me!  In Febuary my sister became, and I stress became, pregnant.  She then had a shotgun wedding at cityhall.  My family has forgotten all about my upcoming nuptials.  While I was choosing my bridal gown, my mother was with my sister, too busy to be with me.  She has missed tastings, shopping, everything.  She has yet to get a mother of the bride dress, but has purchased everything under the sun for her soon to be grandchild.  The only tears shed by my family was when we were told the baby would be a boy.  Am I a terrible person?  Im extremely hurt that the family is planning a baby shower for my sister, with no mention of a bridal shower for me.  My sister is due two weeks prior to my wedding.  Im afraid some of my family will not show up.  Has this situation ever happened to anyone else out there?
    Posted by MichelleMarie777[/QUOTE]

    Your situation sucks but I wouldn't make it worse by stomping your foot and getting in a huff. It's a shame for Mom she'll miss all these things. Find a good friend to go with instead.
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Can you explain what you mean by "and I stress, became, pregnant"? Are you trying to say she did it on purpose, not on purpose, immaculate conception? I just don't understand the sentence.

    Not that it matters. Your mom has a favorite. It's not you. You've probably known this for a long time. So why the surprise?
  • edited December 2011
    Meh, I'd be disappointed too, if my upcoming wedding/me in general got lost in the shuffle. And yes, I get that "babies trump weddings," but my feelings would definitely be hurt if it was all babybabybaby and I got completely overlooked. Flame away, but I'm being honest.

    I wouldn't expect mom to go to every wedding related appointment with me or get her MOB dress 5 months in advance, but I can sort of see where OP is coming from.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Gone too Soon.
  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_forgotten-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:962ee7eb-e9bb-4255-8c75-bf1ea2b8a2e5Post:8ba70634-16e1-46ad-8f06-e9e7fa7795df">Re: Forgotten Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can you explain what you mean by "and I stress, became, pregnant"? Are you trying to say she did it on purpose, not on purpose, immaculate conception? I just don't understand the sentence. Not that it matters. Your mom has a favorite. It's not you. You've probably known this for a long time. So why the surprise?
    Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm guessing that because the OP is unhappy with Sis's pregnancy, she's going to pull the old "You did it on purpose" card. Which is A) none of your business; B) none of your business; and C) incredibly rude to speculate about. And frankly, having been on the receiving end of that business, you just look bitter and mean when you accuse someone of "trapping" the father of a child. Seriously. It's trashy, so drop it. </div>
    image
  • dmiller9274dmiller9274 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    meanwhile your sister is probably posting on the bump that you aren't excited about her having a baby and just getting married.  City Hall or big wedding, it's still one of the biggest day of someone's life....did you put your life on hold for her to get married?

    You can't control what other people do. Enjoy planning your wedding with your FI and let it go. 
    image
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, some of these responses are really rude.

    Oh well, I just want to say I'm sorry you are feeling this way and I understand. Try to keep your focus on my fiance and your happiness. I'm sure once the day rolls around everyone will be overjoyed.
  • edited December 2011

    I think you should talk to your mother about how you feel, but keep in mind that your wedding is a good long ways away still and it's understandable that they would be super excited about the new baby. That being said, I would feel a little sad too if I was being placed on the back burner. But yeah, you still have plenty of time for wedding-y moments with you mom/family and your wedding really is only one day, and that day is several months away.

  • KVS620KVS620 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree that some of these responses are really nasty. Sometimes baby trumps wedding. But not to you. And I understand that. It seems like your mom isn't exactly supermom to you. As tough as it may be, I doubt talking to her about it will help, but trying may be worth it. What I would do would be that the next time you have an event you want your mom to come to, call her, ask her to come and tell her its something that will mean a lot to you if she comes. If she still doesn't come.....then maybe you don't need to keep expecting her. It only hurts you. Other than that, talk to your MOH, she may already be planning your shower, and see what she suggests.

    Ultimately, trying to force your mom's side to care about your wedding will only leave you dissapointed. Rally around the people who are excited and remember, it might hurt that some people don't come. But that is their loss. You will still be marrying the man of your dreams.
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