How to invite guests only to reception, not ceremony

kat5689 · October 2010

Hello.

I am planning a wedding and have a dilemma. My ceremony site will only accomodate around 35 people (whom myself and my fiance have already selected). How do I politely exclude guests from the ceremony and just ask that they come to the reception? I have about 90 people on the guest list and there is no way they are all fitting at the ceremony site (parking issue as well.).
Thanks for any suggetions.

Manwaithiel · October 2010

I suggest you get a bigger ceremony site or you only invite people to the reception who will also be at the ceremony.

Edit: The fact that you wrote "politely exclude" in your post makes me laugh.

squirrly · October 2010

Personally, I find situations such as this to be highly offensive. I've been the excluded guest, and it sucked.

However. Your invitations will actually just invite all of your guests to the reception, and those who are also invited to the ceremony will get an insert that invites them to that as well.

Still, though, why can't you find a venue that accommodates everyone? After all, if the other 90 guests are good enough to celebrate with and give you gifts, why aren't they good enough to see you actually get married?

kat5689 · October 2010

Woah, didn't know there were such strong feelings about this. The fact that I feel guilty about the situation tells me it's not right... I will try to work it out with the venue.

golden1215 · October 2010

I personally don't mind "closed" ceremonies with larger receptions. A good friend of mine had a small, family only ceremony before her very nice/big reception and no one really missed seeing the "I Do" part because we still got to talk/dance/eat/drink/socialize etc

I think the reverse is horrible, ceremony invite w/ no reception invite, but this I don't mind. I am the type to get bored at 99% of most ceremonies though... oh wow, youre reading from 1st Corinthians- I've never heard that one before!

To ask your question, my friend just sent out reception invites and in small print put "Private Ceremony to be Held Directly Beforehand" or something along those lines.

Now, her excuse was she has severe anxiety, so speaking in front of 200 people was out of the question. You might get some negative feedback for picking such a small venue unless its like, the place every member of your family has been married for 5 generations or something.

Nebb · October 2010

Ditto the invite everyone to the reception "celebrate the marriage of blablabla", and then an insert for ceremony time/location. I dont think there is anything wrong with having a private ceremony as long as you keep it SMALL. 35 seems like a bit much to me for a private ceremony. We did that and only had 15 people in total other than our bridal party.

sarah0725 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-guests-only-reception-not-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea84a2fc-6fdf-4ece-9db4-2b0872385624Post:ac070a86-6a13-48a4-bbd8-af66d385e0b7">Re: How to invite guests only to reception, not ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Woah, didn't know there were such strong feelings about this. The fact that I feel guilty about the situation tells me it's not right... I will try to work it out with the venue.
Posted by kat5689[/QUOTE]

I think you should follow your gut on this one. Good on you.

bakes218 · October 2010

Don't do this. The only time this would be OK is if you were eloping or having a destination wedding and were having an At Home Reception after.

marinabreeze · October 2010

Please go with your gut on this. IMO the only way the smaller ceremony/bigger reception thing will work is if you invited ONLY immediate family or something along those lines for the sake of having a truly intimate ceremony. But if you're inviting 35 people to the ceremony and 90 to the reception (especially if it's a space issue), then the question becomes how you choose the "lucky" 35 people - surely the not-so-lucky would feel not important enough. You'll be ranking your guests, and that's going to leave a bad taste in people's mouths.

In general, a reception is a "thank you" to your guests, and if you are having people there that weren't invited to the ceremony, it comes off as gift-grabby. I'm not implying that you mean to come off like that (the fact that you're wondering about this tells me you're not like that), but that's the impression your guests may have if you go with your original plan.

It may be a good idea to see if the existing venue can accommodate a larger party, although keep in mind that the reason they may limit your number of guests may have to do with fire code regulations. So a few other possible suggestions would be to get a bigger ceremony venue (as pps has mentioned), or trim your guest list to 35.

squirrly · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-guests-only-reception-not-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea84a2fc-6fdf-4ece-9db4-2b0872385624Post:ac070a86-6a13-48a4-bbd8-af66d385e0b7">Re: How to invite guests only to reception, not ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Woah, didn't know there were such strong feelings about this. The fact that I feel guilty about the situation tells me it's not right... I will try to work it out with the venue.
Posted by kat5689[/QUOTE]

That's the best post I've seen all day. Best of luck working something out.

singingjessi14 · October 2010

Do what you feel you need to do. If you're in love with your ceremony site and can't fit all the guests you hope to invite to the reception, inviting them to the reception following a "Small Intimate Ceremony" is just fine.

jess9802 · October 2010

Why do people not figure out how many people they want to invite (and their budget) before picking their venues? It would seem these are the very first two questions you answer before your start any other planning.

I know the etiquette books say it is okay to invite people to the reception but not the ceremony (but never the other way around), but I would be disappointed as a guest not to be invited to attend the ceremony. Receptions are fun, but ceremonies are meaningful and a joy to witness.

nannewmur · October 2010

Many people would be offended by this-no matter what the wording is on the invite. It is like asking for a gift. It is all or none when inviting, with the exception of a destination wedding and AH receptions. I also suggest you check in with your local boards and ask this question to see what their reaction to this is. Different areas have different traditions and this might be common in your area. Good luck!!

BlueBoxBride · October 2010

I would try to find a larger ceremony site just to cover all your bases, but I wouldn't be offended if I received an invitation to the reception only. I agree with a PP that it's much worse to only be invited to the ceremony (add me to the list that has ceremony attention deficit disorder).

Kristin789 · October 2010

In my area, people who get an invitation to the reception but not the ceremony JUST DON'T GO. They see this as a clear gift-grab - like you're not good enough to see us get married but you sure are good enough to get us a big gift, so here's the details of when and where to come to our gift collection event.

So even those people who DO choose to invite only 35 people to the ceremony and another 60 to the reception, end up with only the same 35 people coming to the reception.

kayakrunhike · October 2010

I have to admit I wouldn't be thrilled with this. However, if the ceremony is really, truly only immediate family besides the WP, i'd probably give it a pass. 35 seems large for immediate family, though.

Good for you, I hope you figure something out.

amber2123 · October 2010

My FI and I are having a small weding, family only, and a big reception. One of the reasons is we don't want people to feel uncomfortable at our wedding, the othe is we just want our family there. The ceremony will be at dawn with a diner reception...more of a general get to gether...I won't even be wearing my gown. We're just having a catered diner at the campgrounds(we camp once a month and the wedding is camping weekend)

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