Break in between Ceremony and Reception?

wallyandkristin · May 2010

I'm having a break in between the ceremony and reception. The priest won't do the wedding any later than 12 noon and I want an evening reception with drinks and dancing. Is anybody else doing this? What are you planning to do during your break?

trix1223 · May 2010

A 5-6 hour gap is not a break. It's rude and unneccessary. Find a way to move your ceremony later, or give up your evening reception.

If you do a noon ceremony, you're asking your guests to give up at least 12 hours for your wedding. And that's just, IMO, way too much.

What I suspect will happen is that people will skip one part or the other.

girl2bewed · May 2010

I agree that large of a gap between the ceremony and reception you are likely to have guests coming to one and not the other. I went to a wedding last year where they had 3-4 hours in between and it was horrid, people didnt know what to do, where to go.

Are you set in stone for your date, can he do it later on another day? Otherwise I agree with PP have an afternoon reception instead. The "break" or cocktail hour post ceremony only lasts for an hour.

CA2MT4EveR · May 2010

I agree with PP in this being inconsiderate to your guests. I think you either need to change the ceremony time or the reception time because that much of a gap will cause people to attend one or the other.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

You're going to get a lot of declines, or a very, very empty ceremony. Or both. Unless everyone is going to be in casual attire and you're going to be taking them all to an amusement park in between (fully paid by you), there is nothing you can possibly offer that will keep your guests happy and having fun for 5-6 hours PRIOR to your 4-5 hour reception.

If you want to have anyone actually attend your weddding, you need to adjust your timeline.

wallyandkristin · May 2010

We're set in stone on the date. Most of my guests are out of town and I had to pick a convienent date for them and my fiance who is still in school. I have been to one wedding who had a gap or break similar to mine and it gave people a chance to see the city and change clothes. I thought it was odd at first but it ended up being a nice chance to have lunch with a group of old friends who were also at the wedding, go change into party clothes and then head to the reception. My wedding is mostly family and is on New Years Eve. I have a "things to do" section on my website with suggetions of places to visit. Yes, it would be more practical to have an evening ceremony, but I'm Catholic and I have to get married in the church with a priest. Charleston is very limiting on Catholic brides from out of town. There is a big push in the Catholic churches around Charleston to not allow non-parishioners to get married in their churches because they are too busy and lots of out of town people are trying to get married there in the pretty churches. I'm actually from Charleston, but I don't live their currently. Let's just say getting the church and priest was the hardest part of wedding planning as of yet. I'm only getting married once and I just don't want an afternoon reception.... especially on New Years Eve.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Then you're just going to have to accept that no one is going to choose to attend your ceremony.

wallyandkristin · May 2010

I'm also not worried about people showing up. I know my family and friends, and they will be there. Nobody misses a party

Most people are from so far out of town they will definitely be getting a hotel room for the night and making a weekend trip out of the wedding. Everybody else already lives there.

brianabrad · May 2010

We will be having a gap in our wedding as well. I understand the need for it. Our gap will be smaller - probably about two hours. Is there anything you can offer to your guest to help decrease the gap for them? Like a cocktail hour? Our ceremony will start at 2:00 and last about an hour. We will have our reception start at 5:00 and hope to do wedding party introductions about 5:30 and go right into dinner at 6:00. We don't plan to offer any cocktails at this time but we are still over a year out and that could change.

ColinNikki · May 2010

If you're not worried about cost - why not do the reception following the wedding and then an after-party so that you can have your evening celebration as well? That way you will feed your guests after the ceremony so that they don't get grouchy and you can party the night away!

annielouise · May 2010

ColinNikki has some great advice. I say its your wedding, do as you feel you need to. The people that are most important to you won't miss either portion of the day.

PharmacyBride · May 2010

I personally think an evening reception would be best, especially if you do something special at midnight for all of your guests (and had an open bar).

I live in Chicago- and every party I've been to on New Year's has been crazy expensive and I spend the whole night in line for a drink (or standing alone while my FI is in line). Personally- I would love to attend a wedding on NYE (if it was a good friend... if it was a co-worker- I probably would decline.. I would want to know a lot of people there).

I would include popular things to do in your invites or OOT bags (if you are doing them)- not just your website- since not everyone will go to the website.

Large gaps are not popular- so expect some declines and grumpy guests. Try to spread the word that you won't be offended if guests couldn't attend the ceremony (might help alleviate the guilt for some guests).

Honestly- if I was in your position- I would give up the Church wedding and have the ceremony at night right before the reception- I am a Catholic bride too- so I know what you would be giving up! Only do this if it works for you and your families- but I would highly considerate it. When your guests are happy the whole reception goes better (more people dance and have fun!)

wallyandkristin · May 2010

Honestly, I am sorry I posted this. I wasn't asking for anyone's approval or opinions on the gap, I was looking for other brides input on what they did during their gap. Thanks to Theresa626 and the other knotties who had kind things to say.

Yes, most of my guests are Catholic and having the afternoon to spend in downtown Charleston is actually a nice thing for my guests. Charleston is awesome and full of beautiful and completely free places to visit. A gap gives them a chance to come to my wedding AND see Charleston. If they are traveling all that distance they will actually get a chance to see the city. So please, just trust me that its not rude for my situation. And no, I'm not willing to sacrifice recieving the sacrament of matrimony in the Catholic Church...that's the most important part of the day for me and my fiance.

CA2MT4EveR · May 2010

So NYE, huge gap, list of things forced to do because of said gap, oot for many, not even NYE length party, and NOT rude for your situation?

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Of course your family will tell you that they're totally fine with it, and that they absolutely would love the chance to wander around on their own for six hours. They don't want to hurt your feelings. It doesn't remotely mean they think it's a good idea.

After a wedding ceremony, I want to eat and socialize. I don't want to be a tourist or go see a movie or whatever. I've found that most people feel the same way. It's just how our society is programmed.

pandasquishy · May 2010

What is on your list of things to do between the ceremony and reception? It's likely that most of the touristy things will be closed because of the holiday and things like malls (which no one wants to go to dressed in their wedding finest) will be closing early.

pandasquishy · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_break-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:58bdd088-11c8-4653-a76c-43721eaa8509Post:c897ac91-e588-434f-9e8e-31c3858efdc8">Break in between Ceremony and Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a break in between the ceremony and reception. The priest won't do the wedding any later than 12 noon and I want an evening reception with drinks and dancing. Is anybody else doing this? What are you planning to do during your break?
Posted by wallyandkristin[/QUOTE]

<div>Also, I see you only mention "drinks and dancing." Are you not serving a meal? Having your guests come to your ceremony, then telling them to go away for five to six hours and find their own meal before coming back to party is just rude.</div>

kerriashmead · May 2010

Wallyandkirstin -

I live in western Canada, and have NEVER been to a wedding WITHOUT a gap in it. Everyone that I've been to all the guests have welcomed the big time difference (5-6 hours just like yours) as a time to catch up with family. It usually ends up with guests meeting at one place (a hotel, bar or restaurant) and get the party started while the bride and groom are off taking pictures. Its never awkward, I've NEVER thought it to be rude at all! In fact I'm having the same thing for my wedding this October!

My parents are planning on hosting a get together in between the ceremony and reception for anyone who wants to attend. Its not as big of a deal as everyone on here is making it out to be!

Meaghann17 · May 2010

i think a lot of people who have replied here didn't notice that the priest is not able to do any time slot beyond 12. so it is not an option to switch it (if she wants to be married in the church, which she has made clear she does).

I have been at weddings with both long and short gaps. My Catholic wedding will be ceremony at 2pm, cocktails starting at 5:30 about 15 minutes away. so there will be a bit of a gap there, 1-2 hours.

I imagine the priests inflexibility comes simply from the fact that he is unavailable. i think its great that she is thinking about what the guests will do during the gap.

i think that getting married on nye is perfectly acceptable, people get married on long weekends which for example is not convenient for me but that doesnt mean i think they are rude for having their wedding then. its their choice. as she has said it sounds like her friends and family are happy with the choice of nye. i was at a wedding of an old neighbour who is a hairdresser and because of that most of her colleagues only came to the reception.. your going to have people that can't do the ceremony and reception and that happens with or without a gap.

Goldlie11 · May 2010

In your OP you asked what did people do during the gaps? Well, most people avoid gaps that are that large. I know one person on TK took her guests on a bus tour during a large gap ( I believe it was about 5 hours). She had less then 25 people attend her wedding. My concern is for people who have to drive for a long time to get to your wedding, but aren't exactly OOT. What are they supposed to do?

flutgrl1 · May 2010

why cant you just do drinking and dancing at 2pm.

Or do a private ceremony and then have a reception at night.

People aren't going to be thrilled to be caged, bored, and in dress clothes wasting hours away btw events.

banana468 · May 2010

Of course the priest can't do a late ceremony! New Year's Day is a Holy Day of Obligation!

You're making the choice to be rude to your guests. This isn't a unique snowflake situation.

Theresa626 · May 2010

Stage manager, I'd be disappointed if the wedding was on new year's eve and was an afternoon reception. I would really want the chance to actually celebrate new year's eve with my family rather than having to spend money to go do something else after the wedding. I can't imagine why people would want to party on New Year's Eve in the afternoon and then have to make plans to party somewhere else and spend a ton of money just to celebrate again. I would prefer a five hour gap to having an afternoon reception on new year's eve.

Open up a relative's house during the gap for an informal party or make a deal with a bus tour group in Charleston to treat your guests to a tour of Charleston if possible. That would really make for a fun filled day.

pookey118 · May 2010

I don't know what it is about some of these people, but I am SO SORRY about how rude of responses you're getting. It's a valid question, and isn't that what these boards are for, to get help from fellow brides?! I'm starting to get very discouraged by all the rude remarks made by some knotties (most of you are wonderful though). I've had the same experience and with some of the same girls as on here. I just wish we could be a little more encouraging. Kristin realized this gap is a problem and came here for help. She didn't need more reminding that it is inconvenient!

IMO Kristin, the people you really want at your ceremony WILL be there. If the early ceremony is too convenient for other people, they will wait and join you to celebrate at the reception.

banana468 · May 2010

[QUOTE]IMO Kristin, the people you really want at your ceremony WILL be there. If the early ceremony is too convenient for other people, they will wait and join you to celebrate at the reception.[/QUOTE]

So the people who are really inconvenienced by such poor planning and can't make it to both are the ones who love her less?

pookey118 · May 2010

Not at all what I'm saying! Please don't twist my words. I'm just trying to get across that immediate family and close, close friends wouldn't miss it for the world, and will be there regardless.

banana468 · May 2010

And I'm saying that some family and friends may be completely inconvenienced by the couple's lack of forethought and rude behavior and you can't say, "They're close to me so they would have been there."

When you make a deliberate gap like that and make NO effort to host something in between, you can't be terribly upset when people can't make it. What's the logic there? "I know that this is totally inconvenient especially on a day when everyone stays up late but we really wanted it this way so you're supposed to BEEE THEERREE!"

The courteous thing to do is to plan things well from the start and to not assume that you can guilt people into attending. Even if you do, they may be doing so begrudgingly - is that really what you want from your wedding day??

RebeccaB88 · May 2010

The OP hasn't come back yet to answer the question about providing a meal at the reception. I'm thinking there isn't one. Are the guests expected to attend the ceremony, then go find their own lunch AND dinner, then go somewhere else altogether to drink and dance? On New Years Eve? Then, they have to drive themselves home before midnight on one of the most dangerous nights of the year to be out driving around?

It's New Years... I always have to work then, so if I was on the guest list, I probably wouldn't be able to attend the ceremony because of that. If someone can't take time off work to attend, does that mean they don't love the bride enough?

All those wonderful things to do in Charleston (and Charleston is a wonderful city to visit)... are you SURE that stuff is availabe to do on New Years? Have you called around to make sure they are open to visitors, or are you assuming this? What if everything is closed for the holiday, or to set up for their own private NYE parties, or have been rented out by other people for their parties? Do you want your guests to go looking for something to do and not be able to find anything?

Hotel rooms are always a lot more expensive on NYE, often twice as much as non-holidays. People rent ballrooms for parties, people stay at the hotel so they don't have to drive home tipsy. Those hotels may be full, and what if people can't get a room, or can't get one they can afford? Honestly, unless I lived in town, I wouldn't bother paying that much for a hotel room on a holiday, and I probably couldn't afford it.

You're asking people to spend a LOT of money to attend your wedding, not to mention time. Don't play the 'if you really loved me you'd be there' card. It's just not going to happen, and you'll make people feel bad. Is that your idea of a dream wedding?

Suck it up and have an afternoon reception.

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