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May 2012 Weddings
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Family Tension Regarding Traditions

geojam224geojam224
100 Comments
in May 2012 Weddings
Here's some traditions FI and I are NOT entertaining:

1)  Bouquet/Garter Toss
2)  Dollar Dance (oh boy, was my mom pushing for this one, but IMO, it's tacky and our band advised against it if we were on the fence)
3)  The whole "don't see each other until the ceremony".  Basically, we will be doing a first look- but my mom doesn't even know this yet... I'm afraid to tell her.
4)  The fact that you have "children" as a flower girl/ ring bearer.  FI's 2 cousins that we couldn't fit as bridesmaids will be 'Les Femmes de Fleurs", or full-grown women flower girls.
5)  Equal number of bridesmaids to groomsmen
6)  Ceremony in a church (this one doesn't seem to be a big deal)
7)  50% of music being played at reception being ethnic/cultural dances (we will have a few thrown in here and there, but apparently IT'S NOT ENOUGH)
8)  A singer for the ceremony (didn't know this was a tradition, but my mom let me have it when we said no)

Here are the traditions we WILL be entertaining:
1)  White dress (well, it's ivory- it counts)
2)  Unity "Candle" (Unity Sand: because the venue doesn't allow open flame)
3)  Something old, new, borrowed, blue (almost didn't do this one, kind of fulfilled it on accident)
4)  Rehearsal dinner
5)  "Just Married" joy ride
6) Father/Daughter and Mother/Son Dances, also First Dance

My mom thinks that FI and I are snobby for nixing the traditions in the former list.  I'm just not really thrilled about "traditions" that are really just superstitions.  Or things that cause unnecessary drama (see List A #4).  I don't think it's snobby, I think it's strategic.  Many of those interfere with the flow of the night and we liked our twist on some things.  I'm offended that my mom is so pissy about this and FI has been doing a great job of holding his tongue.  

HELP!!
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Re: Family Tension Regarding Traditions

  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    I would just try to explain to them that things are changing and what was considered traditional 25 years ago may not be traditional today.

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  • AurorasEnvyAurorasEnvy
    2500 Comments
    I think what you have planned is just fine.  I'd just avoid mentioning anything about these things at all to your mom and let things be the way you guys planned.
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  • caitlinc09caitlinc09
    500 Comments
    I think what you do/don't want to include is totally up to you and FI! Sometimes moms get a little crazy about wedding traditions and really want things to be the way they were at their weddings or the way they think they should go, and that's just a mom thing. I would probably avoid sharing all of this with your mom or bringing up the things that bothered her since it sounds like it's only going to cause drama. Just let the day go the way you guys have planned and honestly she may not even notice a lot of things once you are there. Good luck - this all comes from someone with a crazy mother and this is how I've found is the best way to handle things :) 
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  • firemedicrrfiremedicrr
    500 Comments
    Ahhhh, We are catching SO MUCH flak about doing a first look.... but most of it actually isn't from family, which is interesting.

    It irritates me that the people who are "defending the traditions of a wedding/marriage" are pretty much all people who have been cohabitating, etc. So- apparently, my FI and I, who have not lived or slept together- are "cheapening" our wedding day by having a first look. I mean, seriously?!

    Last time I checked, that tradition existed because of fear that the groom would run. I'm pretty sure my FI knows what I look like! lol

    /rant
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  • LuckyHeatherLuckyHeather member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_family-tension-regarding-traditions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:e72e94a7-8c3f-4d96-8555-258c7dbd6f65Post:368f481b-cf40-40ac-a1b8-f65ace976f6e">Re: Family Tension Regarding Traditions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ahhhh, We are catching SO MUCH flak about doing a first look.... but most of it actually isn't from family, which is interesting. It irritates me that the people who are "defending the traditions of a wedding/marriage" are pretty much all people who have been cohabitating, etc. So- apparently, my FI and I, who have not lived or slept together- are "cheapening" our wedding day by having a first look. I mean, seriously?! <strong>Last time I checked, that tradition existed because of fear that the groom would run. I'm pretty sure my FI knows what I look like! lol</strong> /rant
    Posted by firemedicrr[/QUOTE]

    <p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Tahoma" size="2" color="#333333">LOL!
    </font></p>
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