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Wedding Etiquette Forum
MISSCOURTNEY20
member
I guess he won't be coming to my wedding....
Happy Monday!!
I am so tried of thinking about this! My mother has one brother. He was in the army pretty much all of my life and has never lived in Chicago while I have been here. He not so long ago retired, and instead of moving here where his sisters live, he decided to move to Arizona. No biggie. Well 2 years ago, my sister was getting married, and for whatever reason, asked him to walk her down the aisle. Our father has been dead since 1999. For me, I had no issues or thoughts about it. I would not have asked him to because we don't have that type of relationship. I have closer relationships with "uncles" from my church family. Well, needless to say, my sister and her husband decided not to have the big wedding and just got married in the small chapel of our church. She walked herself in and that was that.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. My aunt, his sister, mentioned to him that I was getting married. He didn't know because our save the dates had not gone out yet. He said that he didn't know if he was going to be able to come. Well, I sent the save the date anyway. He was in town this weekend for our family bar b que. I asked if he had gotten the save the date and he said yes. He said that he was going to try and come but he was not sure. He did not know that his sister had told me that he said that if he was asked to walk me down the aisle, he would be there and if not, he didn't know. WTH??!!! So you only come of you get to walk me down the aisle?? MY MOM is walking me!
I am so pissed at him feeling like it's only important for him to come if he has a role. It is not my fault that he has 2 sons, my other cousin is married and my sister had a change of plans. My father was sick from the time I was in the 8th grade in '88 until he passed in 99. It was my mom, me and my sister for so many years and that is who will present me at my wedding. If he doesn't show, oh well. I only see him every few years anyway.
I am so tried of thinking about this! My mother has one brother. He was in the army pretty much all of my life and has never lived in Chicago while I have been here. He not so long ago retired, and instead of moving here where his sisters live, he decided to move to Arizona. No biggie. Well 2 years ago, my sister was getting married, and for whatever reason, asked him to walk her down the aisle. Our father has been dead since 1999. For me, I had no issues or thoughts about it. I would not have asked him to because we don't have that type of relationship. I have closer relationships with "uncles" from my church family. Well, needless to say, my sister and her husband decided not to have the big wedding and just got married in the small chapel of our church. She walked herself in and that was that.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. My aunt, his sister, mentioned to him that I was getting married. He didn't know because our save the dates had not gone out yet. He said that he didn't know if he was going to be able to come. Well, I sent the save the date anyway. He was in town this weekend for our family bar b que. I asked if he had gotten the save the date and he said yes. He said that he was going to try and come but he was not sure. He did not know that his sister had told me that he said that if he was asked to walk me down the aisle, he would be there and if not, he didn't know. WTH??!!! So you only come of you get to walk me down the aisle?? MY MOM is walking me!
I am so pissed at him feeling like it's only important for him to come if he has a role. It is not my fault that he has 2 sons, my other cousin is married and my sister had a change of plans. My father was sick from the time I was in the 8th grade in '88 until he passed in 99. It was my mom, me and my sister for so many years and that is who will present me at my wedding. If he doesn't show, oh well. I only see him every few years anyway.
And the whole time, my future husband was in the room......
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I guess he won't be coming to my wedding....
My mom walked me down the aisle and it meant the world to her. I can't imagine trying to take that away from somebody. What a jerk.
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My dad passed away a few years before the wedding as well and I had my mom walk me down the aisle. It was such a special moment that she deserved to share with me and I was so glad I asked her.
Not that he doesn't love you, because if it meant a lot to you to have him escort you, or be your father's surrogate, then he'd make it happen.
Just trying to put a positive spin on it; he may not mean it the way you are interpreting it.
I don't see it as "he doesn't want to come to the wedding unless he is playing a part in it." I think you are over reacting.
[QUOTE]Maybe he's simply saying that, if you really really want him to be there, he'd find a way. But otherwise, it's just too expensive/time-consuming/whatever. Not that he doesn't love you, because if it meant a lot to you to have him escort you, or be your father's surrogate, then he'd make it happen. Just trying to put a positive spin on it; he may not mean it the way you are interpreting it.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
That's the way I took it.
Deep breath. Just let him know your mother will be escorting you, that you'd love for him to be there, but you understand if he's not able to attend. And then don't think about it.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
[QUOTE]Well, I told him that I want him there and he kept saying that he would try but that he had "expectations" (walking me down the aisle).
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]
Okay, that would have been good information to put in the OP. If he clearly said that he would come but he expects you to ask him to walk you down the aisle, then you need to set him straight.