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small wedding...awkward?

jelenybeanyjelenybeany member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Maine
I'd really like people's opinions on this. We really wanted to elope, but basically got pressured into having a "real" wedding by our families. It's fine now. We're excited to plan everything BUT I have recurring nightmares about the awkwardness of our reception.

There's going to be between 30-40 people...40 if everyone we invite comes. We haven't settled on a dj or a band yet. My concern is that the reception will be awkward. We only have a five hour block of time including the ceremony, so there will only be around 2 hours of what would be dancing. Of the 30-40 people, at least ten are extremely elderly. I guess I just worry that no one will dance, and the last two hours will be people just staring at each other.

Has anyone else been to/had/is planning such a small wedding? If so, what did you do for music? Other activities? Was is awkward? What was the flow of the wedding?

Sorry this was so rambling. I'm just panicking.

thanks!
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Re: small wedding...awkward?

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    hcorr34hcorr34 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Receptions don't have to involve dancing.  I've only been to one super small wedding, and it was held in the late morning and a brunch was served afterwards.  It was mostly people walking around, talking like a social not a dance party.  I think there may have been background music on, but it was not that kind of reception.  The couple didn't even do a first dance.  There weren't any planned activities, just eating, talking, and family members catching up with one another. 
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    fickrj5fickrj5
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are having between 60-70 guests and we are going to DIY the DJ for a lot of the same reasons, I know that there will be some dancing, but most of our family will just mingle and do the photobooth.  Because I don't think that there will be munch dancing, I didn't want to drop a bunh of money on the DJ, so we are just using speakers, an IPOD, and a loptop.

    I think of our reception as more of a dinner party than a huge dancing party.  Just find whatever vibe works for you and your guests and plan for that.  Like in the PP, you don't have to have dancing, if you still want your first dance, just bring in a small boom box or something and play some music for that, and maybe have some soft background music.

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    chrispygalchrispygal
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    edited December 2011
    We are having 60 people, 10 of which are kids.  We did hire a DJ, but I love to dance, as do my girlfriends.  I have some of the same fears, that the dance floor will be empty or it will be a "lame" party.  I mention this to friends and they think I'm crazy. We'll be dancing and if others want to join us, they can.  If not, we'll have one hell of a time!  
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    slwagerslwager
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't stress!  You can't control what people will do, and if you really want them to be dancing I guess that sucks.

    However it's a wedding.  People are apt to be happy and mingling if not dancing. 

    The good news: I went to a DW this size and more than half the people there were over 60 and we had a blast.  Everyone was dancing, and particularly funny matchups.  25 yo BM and 65 yo FOB etc.
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    jelenybeanyjelenybeany member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thanks you guys. i'm just seriously freaked. my favorite point was definitely..."it's a wedding...people are apt to be happy."

    thanks so much!
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    amshaw1amshaw1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm having a 40-ish person wedding and I'm not even having a dance floor.  It's at a friend's house on the beach.  I'm pretty sure the only people who would want to dance would be me and my b'maids.  We can dance on the sand if we want,  We'll just set up my laptop with a playlist. 

    Don't worry about being awkward! It'll be fine, give people booze and food and they're usually good.
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    jelenybeanyjelenybeany member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    it's good to know someone is in the same boat as us! My FI is super shy, so he's absolutely petrified to get up in front of everyone and say our vows. We wanted to go to the courthouse, get married, and then go somewhere tropical for a honeymoon/vow renewel when the weather was crummy.
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    meganyanimeganyani member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_maine_small-weddingawkward?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:98Discussion:ecd9b931-16c4-4c7e-bd49-3df072b7729cPost:648e1ecc-f10d-4449-816f-62e69a6c6129">Re: small wedding...awkward?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Receptions don't have to involve dancing.  I've only been to one super small wedding, and it was held in the late morning and a brunch was served afterwards.  It was mostly people walking around, talking like a social not a dance party.  I think there may have been background music on, but it was not that kind of reception.  The couple didn't even do a first dance.  There weren't any planned activities, just eating, talking, and family members catching up with one another. 
    Posted by hcorrigan34[/QUOTE]

    Sounds very similar to ours!

    We got married in the early afternoon and the way our space was, there wasn't a central dance area. We had music playing on speakers but no one danced. We didn't care, we didn't want to. If H and I started dancing, I'm sure others would've...so if you want people to, I suggest kicking it off :)

    Beyond that, everyone just talked and caught up while they ate. We stayed there 3 hours MAX. Don't worry about it, as long as it isn't dead silent/no music everything will be good.
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    gsivagegsivage
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I had a small wedding of 60 and we hired a DJ so there would be background music and had a small dance floor, but it wasn't the focal point. There was some dancing and people drinking and making conversation the whole evening so it worked very well. If you set up the space more for socializing and the ambience of music, and make the dancing area the side part, I think you'll pull it off. If it's a night wedding I think it's a great feature. However, if your dinner is early and it's truly a casual event, I suggest that you nix it and possibly the music as well. 8 years after my divorce I am remarrying and we were basically pushed in the same direction so we're getting married at 3 p.m. and having a seafood feast after. People get to decide what time they eat before the wedding and know they're going to have a great time and we get off the hook for the assumed formality of a later evening wedding. I hope it works out for you!!
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    LillyBean7LillyBean7 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Through this planning process, my Grandmother has said to me over and over again, that we should do what makes us happy and that will be reflected in the happiness of the day. If you think about it, it makes sense. If the couple is relaxed because they chose what they wanted to do on thier wedding day then your guests will feel relaxed too! If you fiance is shy and is not a big fan of getting up in front of people, maybe you forgo the traditional DJ dancing thing. We are just having some Ipod playlists, we might dance, we might not...do not worry about it. It will flow naturally. One of my vendors said to me, "Think of this as your first dinner party that you are hosting as a couple". I loved that because I thought it really reflected the intimicy of the event.

    I am a BIG fan of the untraditional wedding in every sense. We are having 30-40 people, getting married on a boat and having our reception at a historic site. I was also worried about the whole, "akward" wedding as well, but I was able to let it go once I embraced that we did not HAVE to do anything that is typical of a wedding. Let your day be a reflection of you and your fiance, not anything else.
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