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Is it normal to break up after an engagemnt

shell1182000shell1182000 member
Ninth Anniversary 10 Comments
in Chit Chat

Last night my fiancee and I got into an argument. Instead of teh argument lasting and us getting over it..He turns it into an all day event and it carries on till today. It seems a little to convient for him to say that he needs to rethink whether he wants to be married or not.   He has said this twice in the last week and a half.  We have only been engaged since 5/3.  I cant focus at work and he has been married before, so it scares me that if we cant get it together that we may end up in a divorce.  I dont know if Im just trippin but he likes to hold on to anger for days at a time, and can never let things go.  Its now to the point where I feel in my heart...Is love enough.  he says that he says these things when he is mad, but how many times can you tell me that Im always going to be reevaluated. I hate to feeling this way and Im at work and cant concentrate...I cant talk to my family because I dont want them to have negative opinions...  Thanks for listening

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Re: Is it normal to break up after an engagemnt

  • mehgankmehgank
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary

    It sounds like your FI is a complete tool. I don't see how men can treat the women they love like this.


    Anyway, my advice is your FI needs to find ways of fighting fair. No relationship is perfect, and you're bound to have fights. This is just a glimpse of how the rest of your life will be; do you really want to spend the rest of your life living in fear of your husband leaving you all alone (with kids, since it sounds like you're planning on having them) simply because he's being stubborn and petulant? What kind of example would he be setting for your children?

    He's a quitter. It sounds to me like he has quit his career for another one, and he has chosen to quit your relationship because he's angry and can't admit that he was wrong in not asking you about his career change. He's treating these issues as if careers and relationships are disposable, much like a child would.


    There are so many HUGE red flags here. Put the engagement on hold and focus on your relationship. Decide on whether or not this is the quality of man you want to spend the rest of your life with.



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  • 526SadieSadie526SadieSadie
    1000 Comments
    So if you're a good little house mouse wife who he doesn't have to consult on important decisions he won't re-evaluate you?  That's not going to work.  You both need to be able to communicate with each other and disagree and argue without either of you getting that "we're going to break up" feeling, it's not healthy. 
    Neither of you should have to tiptoe around the other one, particularly when it comes to financial stuff that will effect both of you. 
    I'm glad you signed up for counselling, if anything it'll teach you both how to communicate.

    BTW, You know Dr. Laura isn't a real doctor, yeah?  She's a bitter, predjudiced cow.  You really shouldn't take advice from her, she's kinda evil.
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Glad to hear that Michele - Good luck!  Keep us posted.
    panther
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  • jwang517jwang517 member
    100 Comments
    no one can just threaten to "rethink" after engagement. if he says it just because he's mad at the point, and doesn't carry it tot he next day or week, i wouldn't really worry too much about it... but if he constantly says it... it's a bit odd... hope it'll work out for you~ good luck~
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  • Kristin&ericKristin&eric
    500 Comments
    No its not normal as the above women have stated. Maybe he is scared bc he has been married before and the hurt of the divorce it coming back up. I was engaged before and we fought a lot and there were times when i was seriously questioning why we were getting married. I should have listened to those thoughts, instead i thought they were nerves and let it go on, then he broke up with me 3 weeks before and well we lost a lot of money on that wedding, but it is better before then after! good luck and I hope things work out
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  • APW2010APW2010 member
    500 Comments
    This is a really stressful time in a relationship, and a really expensive time. In order to plan a wedding you two are going to have to be on the same page about your financial priorities in life, and where your money is going (unless you are lucky and parents pay for it all, but you still have to decide what things are most important). And there is going to be so much to do you are going to really need to support each other. Counselling is a great idea - make sure you two are completely on the same page about what you want and the direction you are going (both wedding and life in general) before you start planning.
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