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Can there be a best man and an honorary best man?

k3MySailork3MySailor
100 Comments
in June 2012 Weddings
Back story:
For our wedding, FI wanted to have his best friend stand up for him as his best man, but unfortunately when we booked the venue over a year ago we did not know that his best friend would be deployed.
FI has since asked his brother to be his best man, but we both agreed that his brother should not make a toast at our wedding (He is known for saying very inappropriate things and does not care who he offends). FBIL was not at all surprised or upset by this.
I decided to ask FI best friend to record a short speech on his iphone before he left for deployment and he was really excited to be a part of the wedding. The DJ will play this speech in place of best man/MOH speeches. FI does not know about this and it will be my surprise for him.

Now I am wondering how to have the DJ announce the speech. I was thinking of referring to FI's best friend as the "Honorary Best Man". I am just wondering if that will seem odd given that his brother is also the best man. FWIW we are having two MOHs because I have two sisters and I would never pick one over the other.

Any input on the wording for announcing the speech would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: Can there be a best man and an honorary best man?

  • MMRoberts11MMRoberts11 member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    With the info you gave, I'd say it's fine to have to DJ announce the "honorary best man's" speech and have it played. 
    My only advice would be to make sure his recording is clear and when the DJ is announcing it to have him say something about how not everyone could attend and how _____(name) the honorary best man recorded a speech since he couldn't attend.
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  • rasp.berryrasp.berry
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-there-be-a-best-man-and-an-honorary-best-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0ad762ca-65de-4818-ba22-fd1985f43f27Post:eaf55c94-3f9b-4712-be7d-f3f5460c0197">Re: Can there be a best man and an honorary best man?</a>:
    [QUOTE] Given that this is a surprise to your FI (and his Brother), I would not name the other friend as an "Honorary Best Man".  Just don't want your FBIL to feel shunned during your special day, and it will also give off a vibe to your guests that your FBIL was B listed as best man. Though it is true, it is not something you want everyone to know.  Make sense? 
    Posted by jaschelle[/QUOTE]

    This about sums up my take on the situation.
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  • michellep1michellep1 member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-there-be-a-best-man-and-an-honorary-best-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0ad762ca-65de-4818-ba22-fd1985f43f27Post:eaf55c94-3f9b-4712-be7d-f3f5460c0197">Re: Can there be a best man and an honorary best man?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay,<strong> I think your DJ should introduce the speech as "a few special words from FI's Best Friend - someone that has been with him through thick and thin, and wishes more than anything that he could be here today. However he is busy protecting us all. </strong>" My FI is having 2 best men.  His brother by biological obligation and his cousin because that is really his first choice.  So the situation is a bit different.  Given that this is a surprise to your FI (and his Brother), I would not name the other friend as an "Honorary Best Man".  Just don't want your FBIL to feel shunned during your special day, and it will also give off a vibe to your guests that your FBIL was B listed as best man. Though it is true, it is not something you want everyone to know.  Make sense? 
    Posted by jaschelle[/QUOTE]

    I think this is perfect.  It explains the situation without making it obvious that he would have been the best man if he wasn't deployed.  Especially since your FBIL is prone to making off-color remarks, you might not want to upset him by calling someone else a best man.
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  • Melissa603Melissa603 member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-there-be-a-best-man-and-an-honorary-best-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0ad762ca-65de-4818-ba22-fd1985f43f27Post:eaf55c94-3f9b-4712-be7d-f3f5460c0197">Re: Can there be a best man and an honorary best man?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, I think your DJ should introduce the speech as "a few special words from FI's Best Friend - someone that has been with him through thick and thin, and wishes more than anything that he could be here today. However he is busy protecting us all. " 
    Posted by jaschelle[/QUOTE]

    <div>I like this</div>
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  • cfblechmancfblechman member
    100 Comments
    We have the exact same situation. Except that when we knew that the best man would be deployed my FI made the decision to keep him as the best man and not replace him. I had the Best Man write a speech that the BMs father will read at the wedding. FI then asked his BIL (already a groomsman) to take care of the duties of the best man (hold the rings etc etc).

    I think since you already "gave" the title to the someone else. Go with just saying his best friend curently serving our country. yada yada yada. This keeps the peace with everyone.
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  • Danidawn20Danidawn20
    1000 Comments
    I agree with Jaschelle. 
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  • k3MySailork3MySailor
    100 Comments
    Thanks for the advice ladies. I think I will just have the DJ focus on his friendship with FI and why he couldn't be with us and not use the honorary best man title.
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  • ZimsgirlZimsgirl
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-there-be-a-best-man-and-an-honorary-best-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0ad762ca-65de-4818-ba22-fd1985f43f27Post:eaf55c94-3f9b-4712-be7d-f3f5460c0197">Re: Can there be a best man and an honorary best man?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, I think your DJ should introduce the speech as "a few special words from FI's Best Friend - someone that has been with him through thick and thin, and wishes more than anything that he could be here today. However he is busy protecting us all. " My FI is having 2 best men.  His brother by biological obligation and his cousin because that is really his first choice.  So the situation is a bit different.  Given that this is a surprise to your FI (and his Brother), I would not name the other friend as an "Honorary Best Man".  Just don't want your FBIL to feel shunned during your special day, and it will also give off a vibe to your guests that your FBIL was B listed as best man. Though it is true, it is not something you want everyone to know.  Make sense? 
    Posted by jaschelle[/QUOTE]
    Great wording. Totally agree
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