Bridesmaids Drama... VENT.

x3Harmony534 · February 2010

Okay, so I have a handful of wonderful girlfriends and it was VERY difficult to chose one over the rest as my MOH. That beings said I chose a good friend since kindergarten- my rationale? We are both only children without sisters... all my other girlfriends are close with their sisters and undoubtedly have them as MOHs in their future weddings. Home free, right?

Well I just recently met my birthsister. We hit it off right away and have been talking almost daily since. That being said I plan to keep my MOH the same, and simply have her as a bridesmaid in my wedding.

There is just so much drama surrounding the selection process. How soon after the proposal did you ask people to be in your wedding party? If I invite everyone I want to our wedding party will be HUUUUGE.

But I would say I am equally good friends with all the girlfriends I have, how do I chose some and not others? How did YOU do that? Any advice is appreciated! I'm considering not including those who have moved out of state for logistical reasons... is that an acceptable excuse?

It seems like so much of a headache when in reality all they do is wear a dress and stand around and look pretty, lol. I would just as soon have ONLY my MOH- but my FI has 3 brothers, and he can't chose just one. I'm trying to postpone this as long as possible, we haven't even set a date yet (we're thinking March 2011) so I'm waiting to see if any friendships fizzle out between now and closer to the wedding (not that I anticipate that...) blah. blah. blah.

Just had to vent, sorry ladies! Thanks for listening and any advice is so much appreciated!

Pretty Parula · February 2010

I feel ya. Since I knew I couldn't pick between the group of girlfriends I had, I initially asked only one friend (with whom I thought I was the closest) and she said no for some lame reasons. Needless to say, I was hurt and our friendship is not the same.

Instead of trying to pick certain other friends and not hurt the feelings of the others, I asked my two girl cousins, with whom I'm pretty close as well. Neither of them live in town, though, and one is in DC, so the out-of-state excuse wouldn't fly with me, but I do think it's reasonable if you're going to want your girls to be very involved in the whole planning process.

I don't think it's necessary to have the same number of attendants on both sides. Why not just the bff and the new sister? That's not too lop-sided.

Also, you do have a lot of time, so think about it for a while and see who keeps coming back to your mind. I wouldn't wait more than a few months to ask people, though. GL!

umcollegegrl · February 2010

Choose was pretty easy for me, I have three close girl friends, and DH has one sister, so I had those 4 girls. I chose my MOH to be my close friend from college because she was there for me throughout the toughest "formation" years. I live in SFL, MOH lives in Alaska, and the other bridesmaids lived in Virginia, Orlando, and SFL (SIL) so like pp their locations didn't matter to me, but I know some girls use that as criteria. I didn't care that they couldnt be very involved in person or attend any prewedding stuff (although we planned my b-party for the Thurs before the wedding so they would all be in town), but to some girls, thats very important.

I would definitely wait a couple months and weigh your options. Uneven bridal parties are becoming more and more common though, so like pp said, you could also go with your MOH and your sis.

It can be tough, but hope things work out for you!!

ashbosity · February 2010

I knew I couldn't choose between my best friend from second grade all through high school that I haven't seen in 5 years, my best friend from college, and my best friend from work, so I just chose my two sisters. I'm not sure I'm going to really designate one as maid of honor, but just let them be equal. I agree that unequal wedding parties are okay. The less people in the weddding, the less it will all cost too.

Pretty Parula · February 2010

I did like Ash did, too. My married cousin is a matron of honour, my unmarried cousin is a maid of honour. Definitely, less people = less cost AND less drama.

meghanmcadams · February 2010

I feel your pain! I ended up asking my best friend since Middle school to be Maid of Honor and best friend from college to be Matron. Only problem I had was debating on asking one friend (I was her MOH last summer), but my Mom solved that for me with saying O so your going to be in the wedding. Thanks Mom I didn't ask anyone but my best friend since MS yet, now I am "stuck" with my other friend. My FI has not as many close guy friends, so we will most likely have an uneven number.

My advice, go with what your comfortable with, if you want 2 and 3 do that, but my suggestion is if you can wait to ask the ladies then do it.

brit21489 · February 2010

I say wait. My girls were my sister (MOH), best friend, and cousin. I only have one really close female friend (I'm her MOH for her wedding that is 3 weeks after mine). Also, my brother is on my side. I picked my ppl because they are all related to me (bf basically related) and I knew they would not change over a year out. I think you should try to wait as long as you can to see if there is someone you might pick ahead of the others. Also, you could just have your sister and MOH like Alyssa said. That is pretty even. I've only had one BP problem so far (my bf was upset because she thought she was going to be my MOH and I picked my sister instead. Kind of a sticky situation but we've talk it out). That's why I say wait because my situation could have been avoided if I would have thought about it better (either approached the situation differently or made them both MOH).

Theresa626 · February 2010

I waited about six weeks to choose. I don't have a lot of friends so it wasn't difficult for me like it was for you. But, I think that being out of state is a pretty good reason to not choose them and you're right to not want a huge bridal party. People who are upset at first will feel ok later when they remember they don't have to spend a ton of money on a dress and they just get to go and have a good time.

x3Harmony534 · February 2010

I drew up a list and if I chose EVERYBODY I would like to have (... and feel obligated to have) it would be NINE girls. In reality it would work, because my FI and I came up with a list of 9 guys he is close friends (& relatives) with... but that seems a bit overwhelming. But I'm the girl who can't say no or hurt anyone's feelings. So who knows, maybe 9 it will be. That being said we HAVE made the decision to only have our MOH and best man stand with us. Everyone else will walk down the aisle and have reserved seating in the front, that way if we do choose to have a large wedding party it won't look like a zoo. lol *sigh* all this stress over matching dresses... I told my FI today I'm just going to tell every woman who comes to our wedding to wear matching dresses, that way NOBODY feels left out, lol.

Thanks so much for alll of the wonderful advice and suggestions! I really appreciate it and I will definitly be considering all these options before asking anyone definitely.

Pretty Parula · February 2010

So, if you're just going to have everyone else sit down anyway, why don't you just have the MOH and BM and no one else? Have the other folks be ushers or do readings or something. Just a thought.

mlharbis · February 2010

I would wait to make any decisions. FI and I are having 6 each. It was hard enough pairing it down to that. I have 1 sister and 1 best friend from High School and FI has 1 sister. So those 3 were easy, or so I thought... FI's sister just had a baby and backed out after saying yes. So then I had to figure out 4 people from college out of my "group" of 8. I chose 2 from that group that I have been friends with the longest and are prob the closest to if I had to choose. The other 2 I just kind of weighed how our friendships are and how they would add to the wedding party. A couple of the girls in my group are very self centered and make everything about them and I decided I didn't want to have to deal with that on my wedding day. Then, one of the girls I chose out of my college friends backed out last minute b/c she said it would cost too much even though I offered to pay for her dress and she could drive (she said she wouldn't drive, only fly) so after that, I talked with FIs sister again and now she is back in.
So, I completely understand bridesmaid drama! It is so hard to pick. Also, friendships can kind of change once you are engaged. I felt like some people magically were nicer than they had been to either get invited to the wedding or be considered as a BM, so I had to remember who had been my friends from the beginning.
I def think you should have your sister and your friend that you were thinking of for your MOH and then just think on the 3rd person or if you even want to deal with a 3rd person. When you are thinking about it it will just click one day.
Good luck!

MrsWhitneyAmanda · February 2010

I haven't read all of the other ladies' responses so forgive me if I repeat any of them as I offer my two cents. I chose my bridal party and asked them immediately. We started talking officially about getting married in December 07 and we set a date for May 09. DH gave me my ring in April 08, which happened to be when I asked my girls to stand up for me. We only had four attendants each and I've been friends with all of mine anywhere from twenty years to five.

I would say that since y'all haven't set a date yet that you should hold off on asking anybody to be in your bridal party. Once you've set a date and you have an idea of how big your wedding is going to be you can figure out an appropriate size for a wedding party (thirty attendants is silly for a wedding with only 75 guests, for example) and then make your decisions from there. You can also keep in mind that it is okay for you and your FI to have uneven sides if you wanted to just have your sisterless friend and your birth sister stand up for you.

Having said all of that, please remember that every friend or cousin or neighbor or whatever you've ever had does NOT have to be in your bridal party - it is an honor just to be invited to a wedding and people should recognize that

Bridesmaids Drama... VENT.

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