First Deployment...

Re: First Deployment...

• megmac24

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Deployments are hard. Not gonna lie. I was scared to death when my FI told me he was going. Once it started sinking in and I realized just how long he was going to be gone I tried to think of things I could do to distract myself. I started a new book series, joined the gym, took more classes at school. I just keep myself busy because when I'm busy I'm not worrying. I'm getting near the end of my FI's deployment and for as much as I was dreading it, it wasn't AS terrible as I thought it was going to be. You just have to stay strong! And remember, it's always okay to have off days and cry. 

  March 2012 Siggy Challenge: Honeymoon - Undecided (NYC or DC)

  

  

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• DaKelliAB09

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Yeah, I'm sure it's going to be hard...
  Well,   School is on hold for me until the Spring semester.  I just moved up here and won't be a resident until then and due to out of state tuition being so high I figured I would just wait. 
  But those are all really great ideas.  I really appreciate it.  It's nice having somewhat of a support system here. 
  I know it's ok to cry somtimes, I just feel like I need to be and also really want to be strong for myself and for FI ...  it's just hard right now... 
  I know some people get involved with FRG, can you only get involved when you're married or can you when you're not married yet?  I'm not sure how all of that works.
  I will definitely try to find things to keep myself busy.
   It's also hard because I'm still new up here and haven't made a whole lot of new friends yet. 

  

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• aor9487 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I have a little different perspective since I was the one that got deployed and had my FI and our daughter here in the states waiting for me to come home. I would tell you that it's not going to be easy, but you already know that. School will be a great way to stay busy, but also look into base spouse clubs and organizations, along with groups that meet at the Family Support Center(not sure I caught what branch of the military your FI is in, but most branches have the same sort of programs). 

  
  

  They almost always have a deployment group, where you get together for potluck dinners, mingle, share stories etc. It's just nice to meet those who are going through the same things as you. When he goes through his out processing, he most likely will be following a checklist and usually one stop does include the family support center, in which they provide informational material to bring home for family members. 

  
  92 Ready to party!

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• firsttimersluck member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  It's scary.. and it seems now that it will just be looming the whole time. Oh man.. the money building up to FI's deployment last year seemed worse than the deployment itself. lol.
  />_<
  It's hobby and goal time for you!
  I promise it seems scarier thanit is... You'll have a couple freakout moments.. but honestly FI and I really enjoyed what deployment did for our relationship.

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• shan87

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  My H was scared to till me as well. I knew it was coming, it's our frist. Athough it will be overseas I am taking it the same way I did our LDR for 6 years. Keep Busy. If you can. That's all I can tell you at the moment.
  
  GL! Keep us updated and come back if you need more support

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• calindi member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I tend to try to rationalize things and fight fear with logic, so while I haven't been through a deployment yet, My biggest fear is him getting hurt. To counter that fear, I have read articles that say the chance of mortality for that age range is actually much higher for civilians in the US than for deployed service members. That sounds funky, but there are car accidents, cancer, gang shootings, bar fights gone wrong, etc factored into domestic statistics. And military guys tend to be in good health, better than your average civilian. So anyway, I'm going to try to convince myself that while there are some very scary stories of deployments, statistically it's more risky for him to be a lazy civilian! I don't know if that thinking will help you, but I feel like it will make it easier for me to accept when the time comes. Also, everything the other ladies said about staying busy, eating and sleeping well, sending him packages, and trying not to let it be a focus for you. It's a fact of the life we've all chosen, and it is temporary. Try not to worry leading up to it - I feel like before any major change or separation, the days leading up are the worst, the first few days suck, and then it gets a lot easier as all you can do is wait!

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• DaKelliAB09

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  @aor Yeah, I've heard of those groups and I guess I wasn't sure if it mattered if you were married or not. I'll definitely ask him to pick some info up for me.   Oh and my FI is in the Army. 
  
  @FTL I bet it does seem scarier then what it really is.  I'm actually ok.  We're use to the distance, so we're definitely not worried about our relationship.  I'll definitely be finding some new hobbies for sure.  I'm really a news nerd/junkie.  I love the news watch it, read it, listen to it and I think that's a really bad hobby right now.  I tend to stay busy, but I have other things that I've wanted to do so I guess that will be the best time to do them.
  
  @Shan I guess it won't be much different from our 2 year LDR , but I guess I just have to get all of the negative thoughts out of my head!  That's the hardest part I think. 
  And thanks!  It's really awesome having a board like this!  It helps a lot ...
  
  @ Calindi That actually really helps a lot.  That's the mindset I have to be in.  It's definitely true and I can see that.  But like I said, I love watching/reading the news and it's something I think I'm going to have to stop or at least limit. 
  
  I'm definitely fearful for him.  He just got out of flight school and I know he's trained well and was like top of his class and super intelligent and loves what he does, but he was always telling me about mishaps happening and guys crashing and that's quite terrifying .  But he really wants to go and he won't be gone for too long, so it won't be too terrible.  I cried last night and I'm better today. 
  

  

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• calindi member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Try reading the news rather than watching it, because you can pick and choose your articles. Even with FI at home, I try not to read about troop casualties because it hits close to home, but I do remind myself that there is plenty to fear at home that we take for granted. Drivers here are crazy, people are gun happy, and there's lots of armed burglaries and muggings that happen (Miami for sure, but really anywhere). I don't tend to fear about his safety on an average day, so I'm just going to trust he'll be fine when he deploys. Your guy is prepared or they wouldn't send him. That's a huge investment in training him, and it is in their best interest to make sure he's fully trained to handle even the worst. They trained on safety and presumably how to evacuate and parachute out if something goes wrong. Planes are safer than cars usually! We don't get a parachute out of a car before a crash, and there is a heck of a lot more to hit on the ground than in the air.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• DaKelliAB09

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Yeah, I think all of that is pretty much anwhere you go maybe some places worse then others.  I've heard Miami is bad.  eek! Things like that definitely happen here too  And people can't drive here.  So I definitely get that.  Someone was actually driving a backhoe down the road (a 60 mph road)  earlier on my way home... who does that?! lol
  
  You're definitely right on all of that and I know that they wouldn't send him if he wasn't ready.  Thanks for the logical POVs ! Helps me a lot.  I think it was just like a huge pile of bricks were dropped on me when he told me because he was thinking a year or so before having to deploy.  So kind of unexpected, but I've learned to expect the unexpected lol

  

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• miriah1 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  you're going to great. my family, me and my FI are all military, deployments are a real part of our lives. if i could give any advice, its this, live one day at a time. if you worry about him all the time, you're going to make yourself sick. keep yourself busy, go out with friends and family a lot, and maybe pick up a new activity. and keep in mind, the military is very much family oriented, they have programs and people and supporters who's sole purpose is to support you while he's gone, look into family programs. send him letters, and emails, and pictures and care packages and video chats every day if you can, you have no idea what it means to him to have reminders of you and that you're waiting for him. i don't know if this helps, but it will be ok, i promise.
  and if it makes you feel any better, the percentage of military who are injured or killed are much higher state side from like DUI's and accidents than over seas.

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• CAloughridge

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  The crying happens and it will happen at the oddest, lonliest times. My fiance just deployed three days ago for the third time and I bawled like a baby. No matter how safe he might be, there will always be a worry in the back of my mind. I am a full time teacher so I keep myself busy by planning and doing extra stuff at the school. What keeps my fiance and I close while he's gone is planning for the future (a big help), skyping, and understanding that phone calls may be cut short or not come at all.
  
  I hope that you have lots of family and friends to lean on and lots of things to keep you busy. Take care

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