Groom's Opinion?

mbuckley85 · February 2012

Do you guys ask your fiance for their opinion on things like favors, flowers, bridesmaids dresses, etc? My mother was really upset that I asked my fiance for his opinion on some favors. Granted, he doesn't have a good eye as far as creativity, but I value his opinion, and I at least like some input. It is his wedding to, and he and I are paying for a small portion of it.

mehgank · February 2012

When we first started wedding planning, my H (then FI) told me that the only things he wanted to be involved in were the men's attire, the food & cake, and some of the music choices at the reception. He did give some input on the RB and FG outfits, too, which was his only stubborn moment throughout wedding planning, but I value his opinion and I didn't want the entire wedding to be from my perspective.

No one can dictate to you what to do in your relationship; ultimately, it is you and your FI's choice on how to plan your wedding.

Amt2109 · February 2012

For the most part I figured H wouldn't care too much on stuff I saw as the 'girly' stuff - bridesmaids dresses, flower girl dresses, flowers, favours.

He ended up pretty into favours because he had to have jordan almonds. He didn't care to pick colours for the wedding or do any other stuff I mentioned. He got very into chair/table rentals and other decor details and surprised himself by how stressed he got over that stuff.

I believe your grooms input is important... but... you say you guys are paying for only a small amount yourselves. If your mom is paying the majority... she gets the majority of the say.

That said, she's probably being a little more protective of the details than she needs to be. Talk to her - ask her why she was so upset. Tell her what you've told us - that your FI is important in the planning too. She needs to understand its not just her little girls wedding, but her future son-in-laws wedding too.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

I don't know why she would be upset about simply asking his opinion. Like you said, it's his wedding too, not just her daughter's. Unless he was rudely trashing favors she had worked hard to make, then I think she is a bit out of line.

AdeleDazeem · February 2012

Your mom sounds a little ridiculous. Of course I asked my husband his opinion on everything - it's his wedding, too. Why do people (like your mother) forget that?

Summer2011Bride · February 2012

My H was involved in quite a bit. He made it clear he had absolutely no interest in talking about flowers for an hour straight, so he did sit out the trips to the florist.. But he came to the taste testing, the cake testing, the photog meeting, the DJ, the videographer...you get the idea. He did not come BM dress shopping with us because it was more of a girls' trip and he can't stand shopping normally.

It's your FI's wedding too. He should be involved in everything he wants to be involved in.

cheeseandrice · February 2012

My H had a say in just about everything. He was honest upfront that he didn't care about most stuff, so I'd narrow down choices to a few options and ask his preference at that point (colors, flowers, invites, favors, etc). He was more involved in choosing the photogs, food, and venue. He chose the guys' attire too. I agree with Sesh. Unless he said something rude to your mom, it sounds like she overreacted.

egeurts · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_grooms-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:31a91e2b-3cb2-437b-8044-040ef9c10508Post:91de4527-cb98-4c91-b7c7-ca59d50c8402">Re: Groom's Opinion?</a>:
[QUOTE]My H had a say in just about everything. He was honest upfront that he didn't care about most stuff, so I'd narrow down choices to a few options and ask his preference at that point (colors, flowers, invites, favors, etc). He was more involved in choosing the photogs, food, and venue. He chose the guys' attire too.
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto.</div><div>
</div><div>My FI also is forced to be involved to a certain extent because we're planning our wedding in MN and I'm currently living in a different state, so although I'm doing a lot of emailing and phone calls with vendors, stuff is being mailed to our apartment in MN and I occasionally send him out to do wedding-related errands (he's such a good sport!). </div>

polichik · February 2012

Does your mom have issues with your FI? I can't fathom why she would be upset about him having an opinion about, you know, his own wedding. She was out of line.

trixie549 · February 2012

I was surprised at how involved my FI has been. He's been quite vocal about some things (music and cake), which has been really helpful, rather than just having someone who says "I don't care - do whatever you want." Other things, like flowers and invitations, he could care less.

Your mom is forgetting that this is his wedding, too. Grooms are a lot more involved in wedding planning than they were in the past.

achiduck · February 2012

I've talked to my FI about almost everything - not my dress or BM dresses. He didn't come to meet the decorator but we talked about what we wanted and agreed on some pictures to show them.

harpsdesire · February 2012

I've asked my FI about EVERYTHING. About half the time he either says 'I don't care' or 'I don't know what that even is, so whatever you want'.

But any time he wants to have input I'm happy to take it. It's his wedding, too. We've somewhat split up who gets final say and does most of the research based on our skills/interests

The overall division of 'decision power' is roughly as follows:

I'm Sole Decider: My dress and accessories, BM Gifts (and that they get to pick their dresses in my color choice)

I'm Primary Decider: Flowers, Favors, Stationary, centerpeices/reception decor, cake decorations, ceremony decoration and ceremony music, wedding colors and theme

50/50 decision power: Venue, photographer, guest list, food to be served, cake flavors, ceremony wording/style, seating arrangements for guests, reception play/no-play list

He's Primary Decider: DJ, catering company, where to get hotel blocks, honeymoon, rehersal dinner, Officiant

He's Sole Decider: Attire for all men in the wedding party, Men's thank you gifts

LOL that sounds complicated but we never really mapped it out that way... we just decided on a division of choice-making responsibility as we went and that we both have Veto rights for anything the other person does.

JessRabbid · February 2012

Ive asked mine about everything, and he actually only had a few things that he was interested in sharing input on, ceremony HAD to be outside lol and he helped me pick blue as our color (but i got to pick the shade). The only time it was bothersome was when about 3 weeks ago he decided he hated the lovebird salt and pepper shakers I had picked as favors (and had been talking to him about and budgeting for for a few months) and changed it to shotglasses filled with MM's lol

jemmini6 · February 2012

Of course my husband had an opinion, it was his wedding too. I think the only thing we did that was completely one-sided was buying my dress. I did a little more research as far as the decor & flowers and stuff, but never did anything without H's approval.

RailWayWife · February 2012

I ask my FI about every decsion that is going to be made about the wedding. It is OUR wedding after all.

coopsbaby · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_grooms-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:31a91e2b-3cb2-437b-8044-040ef9c10508Post:91de4527-cb98-4c91-b7c7-ca59d50c8402">Re: Groom's Opinion?</a>:
[QUOTE]My H had a say in just about everything. He was honest upfront that he didn't care about most stuff, so I'd narrow down choices to a few options and ask his preference at that point (colors, flowers, invites, favors, etc). He was more involved in choosing the photogs, food, and venue. He chose the guys' attire too. I agree with Sesh. Unless he said something rude to your mom, it sounds like she overreacted.
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

Same here. The things he cares about the most (food, cake, suits, location) we decided together. Everything else I research, narrow it down, then talk to him before I make a final decision. Sometimes he's surprised at what he has an opinion on!

And it's his day JUST as much as mine. It's important to me that he's happy.

em01092 · February 2012

I ran everything by my FI or at least told him what I bought or did, but he didn't care about much besides the food, music, and GM attire.

FI also wanted an afterparty, because he had been in weddings before where the B&G and WP all knew each other really well so it worked out. No one in our WP is really friends, and plus I just did not invision going back to the motel and getting drunk. I'm going to be anxious to have my FI all to myself.

mbuckley85 · February 2012

After talking with my mom, I think she's upset because Mike tends to go to his parents to ask their opinions, and they aren't paying for much of the wedding. His parents do happen to be VERY opinionated and pushy for the things THEY want. For example, we were perfectly happy with having a DJ. His parents wanted a band and Mike and I went back and forth a few times with them about how we didn't want a band to butcher certain songs and we wanted a lot of modern music, which we didn't think we'd get with a band, etc. Finally, they said "Well, we will pay for the band or DJ, which ever you choose. Oh, and btw, I contacted these two bands and they are sending music samples."

Needless to say, we are having a band to the tune of $5,500+. But hey, I guess they got what they wanted and this particular band is pretty darn good.

But honestly? I can think of A LOT of other places I could have put that money if they were willing to give it, but I guess you can't dictate where other people's money goes...

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