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Bangladeshi wedding

hendersonsarahhendersonsarah member
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in South Asian Weddings
Hi Ladies!
I am engaged to a wonderful man who's family is from Bangladesh. He grew up in Canada but I want to incorporate wedding traditions from his culture. He is muslim but non-practicing (although his parents are practicing muslims)
I am having a hard time differentiating between muslim wedding traditions and bangladeshi wedding traditions.
HELP!
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Re: Bangladeshi wedding

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    temurlangtemurlang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Hi and congrats on your engagement!

    Your post caught my eye because my H is also Bengali, although he is Hindu and from India.  One of my best friends is actually Bangladeshi but also Hindu.  I can't tell you anything very specific, but I can say that Bengali culture is is its own thing, and Bengali Hindus and Muslims do tend to share a lot of traditions.  It is possible that a lot of the wedding traditions that his family would like to include are Bengali, rather than specifically Muslim.

    My ILs' neighbors are Muslim.  It took me forever to figure that out.  In many parts of India you can tell right away by peopels' names, what they wear, what's in their house, etc.  Bengalis can have any name, and in fact can commonly have a Hindu or Muslim name when they are the other religion.  There are also Bengali names, which can be either, and Russian names are popular.  As far as I could tell, both my ILs and their neighbors eat the exact same non-veg diet, both my MIL and the other auntie wear saris and bhindis,  and both living rooms feature a picture of Rabindranath Tagore.  The other auntie was at our pooja, which my MIL didn't really know how to do.

    Do you know your FILs yet?  Your FMIL would probably LOVE to tell you all about their traditions.
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    jsleikjsleik
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    edited December 2011
    Hi!

    Congrats!!  I'm in the same boat as Temurlang.  I'm engaged to a Hindu-Bengali, so I don't know the Muslim traditions.  I do have a good friend who is Bengladeshi (and Muslim), but she was already married when I met her.  I do know that the bride and groom are in separate rooms when they get married and there are a lot of different events around the wedding like Hindus do.  But I'm not sure what those traditions are.  Beyond the religious stuff, there are a ton of similarities culture-wise between Bengladeshis and Bengali-Indians.  So feel free to come back with some of those questions, etc.  I'm still learning a lot but Temurlang is a wealth of info!!!

    Congrats again!
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    hendersonsarahhendersonsarah member
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you ! I'm happy to hear that you may have some advice/suggestions! Even though his family is muslim - I know that most of the wedding events are related to his cultural background rather than religion.

    I am wearing a white wedding dress but plan on changing into a sari for the reception.

    I know that his parents want us to do a mendi ceremony the day before the wedding. Did you do that and who gets invited to it? Do we hire professionals to come and do it or people do it themselves?
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    hendersonsarahhendersonsarah member
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    edited December 2011
    I am also wondering about invitations. Are they normally similar to "western traditions" (for lack of a better term!!!)

    My FI has no idea about this stuff so am happy for any help!
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    jsleikjsleik
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    edited December 2011

    I don't know all the answers, but a few!

    The mendi party is usually your side - friends and family.  I haven't been to one, but my sense it is like who you would invite to a shower.  And you have a professional (or multiple) come. 

    You can get invitations from India like www.parekhcards.com/ and http://www.indianweddingcard.com/
    They are gorgeous and even with shipping, the price works out to pretty similar to ones here.  But the problem is that they are HUGE, so shipping can be expensive.  We found one we loved – lined envelope, fold open card with holders for inserts, just beautiful.  The price was reasonable with shipping.  But then we took it to the post office and found out it would cost $2/invitation to mail.  So we went a different route.  However, aren’t you in Canada?  Maybe you have different rules!  You can get free or nearly free samples from the invitation companies – but only once.  So order a ton of samples so you can test it all out.

     

    I’d talk to his mom and see what she is thinking.  You can definitely blend the two traditions together!

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    temurlangtemurlang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I did mehndi the day before our wedding.  It was in India, which is a little different, and since I'm American and it was there it was hosted by my ILs and wasn't really my side.

    Some professionals came and applied it to a number of us (me, my friends, SIL, and her friends).  It wasn't really a ceremony or even really a party.  More of a gathering.  It was on a roof, which was pleasant until the sun set and then I was FREEZING.  It was casual and really about applying the mehndi for the wedding.  I think mehndis in the US are much more elaborate.

    If your FILs want you to have it, they will probably arrange for the person(s) who will do it.  I agree with JSleik that I would think of it as similar to a shower.

    I don't think there's any hard and fast rule on invitations.  Our invitations were peculiar.  They were a folded card which involved a curious beige exterior juxtaposed randomly on a neon red interior with yellow print.  My ILs picked them and had them printed (badly) in several languages.  They had the same card for all the events, just with different info.  Naturally, we ended up with the wrong languages for the wrong events.  They were so bad I couldn't send them out, so I made my own for the people I needed to send one to.
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    hendersonsarahhendersonsarah member
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    edited December 2011

    My fiancé's sister told me about the tumeric ceremony and said that her cousin didn't do it (they also live here in Canada) so I don't think that will be part of it. But the mendhi ceremony will definitely happen the day before (Friday night I guess?) I am planning on wearing a white dress and then will change into a sari for the reception. Is it rude if I don't want elaborate mendhi all over my hands and arms? I want some on my feet and some on the inside of my hands but I've seen very detailed designs before and am not sure I want that.....thoughts??

    Thank you for the info about wedding invitations - my fiancé will be making a trip to Bangladesh I believe in the next 8 months so we are going to look into ordering the invitations there since they are cheaper and so beautiful. But, as Jsleik mentioned it may cost a fortune to actually mail them out....hmmm decisions decisions!!!!!

    I have some questions about the dinner and reception....are there usually speeches? I don't want his family to seem out of place during the dinner and reception if we end up doing all of these western-traditions such as speeches, cake cutting, toss the bouquet etc etc. I want to make sure it is an equal fusion of both cultures.

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    temurlangtemurlang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Your FI grew up in Canada?  So your ILs live in Canada, right?  I would think if they have been living there for 20 some years raising kids that they probably have been to a western wedding (or at least are familiar with the format) and shouldn't feel out of place.

    I would do what you want and then add to it.  For example, if you want to do the cake-cutting and your dad wants to make a speech, etc, then do it!  Then you can add Bengali traditions to that.

    I have no idea about the mehndi... my ILs actually had a blow up over it.  DH and MIL wanted it done the traditional way (we got married in Rajasthan, where the tradition is really elaborate arms and legs).  FIL actually objects to mehndi and didn't want it at all.  I like it, and was willing to do it, but I am glad I won't have to do it again (it is really tiring to sit for so long while it dries).  SIL had some sort of tantrum during it and tried to get them to NOT do mine elaborate.  I think maybe she was trying to irk MIL and DH.

    I would ask your FI if there's a requirement that there be a certain amount or elaborateness.  If your FILs want it from the point of view of having the ceremony/party and to bring luck to the wedding, they might not mind.

    My friend had this and it looked really nice:




    wedding bio
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    hendersonsarahhendersonsarah member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is a beautiful picture! You are right - his parents have been living in Canada for about 15 years now however they have a very strong Bangladeshi community here so tradition is very important to them.

    I am very much looking forward to having both cultures combined!!!
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