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Bridesmaid not coming to Shower or Bachelorette Party

awinslowawinslow member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
One of my bridesmaids lives 4 hours away from me and does not drive. My wedding shower and Bachelorette are in 6 months and she has already informed me that she will not be able to attend.

She is also getting married. Her shower and Bachelorette is in April sometime but she has not formalized anything at all. I as well do not drive but am prepared to jump to her whim on a train for the day whenever she says it will be.

I find it crazy that she is not able to book a train ticket 6 months in advance to come to my shower. Am I the one that is a little nutty or is she being rediculous?
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Re: Bridesmaid not coming to Shower or Bachelorette Party

  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Does it suck a little?  Yes.  But, she is under no obligation to attend these events and I find the fact that she's given you so much notice refreshing.  Tell her you'll miss her and you'd love to have her if she can manage it and then move on.


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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    It does suck that she won't be there but there also might be cost factors that are reasons why she can't be there.

    No, it's not fun but you need to let it go. 
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Only one of my BM made it to my shower and B-party (because she arranged them) out of four.  It sucks but your BM have lives too.
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, you're over-reacting.  Invitations to parties are not subpoenas.  Your bridesmaids are not obligated to anything except wedding ceremony activities.

    Be bummed for a day.  Then move on.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Tell her you'll miss her and let it go.  She'll be there for the wedding day: that's all she's required to do and that's all that really matters.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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  • mmenillommenillo
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the other ladies. Be sad, but then let it go. One of my bridesmaids works nights as a nurse and is short on money. My wedding is also 4 hours away from her. I'm grateful she's coming to the wedding at all, so I didn't freak when she didn't make my bachelorette or shower.
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  • ecuchikaecuchika member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yes its true that they are not required to come. Maybe you could find out the reason she can not attend.  I know you said she doesn't drive but there are other ways of transportaion like you said trains.  If she can't come due to money could it be possible for you to pick the more important event and provide her transportation to it. That way you wouldn't be requiring more of her than she can give and you still get her to attend at least one.
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  • ldmartin07ldmartin07 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm with one of the other posters.  At least she let you know significantly in advance.  I have a BM who doesn't respond to any communication (email, calls, texts), and the only reason we know she's not coming to any of these events is because her mom told me, and she finally responded to my MOH after about a dozen attempts at contact, and a text from me.  I've gotten to the point where I am just assuming she'll show on the day of, and her involvement will be so minimal that I should just sort of pretend she isn't in it.  She's practically family, so the politics of her stepping out make it impossible, and my wedding is 3 months away.

    So yes, it's a sucky situation, but be happy that you got a concrete answer from her way in advance!!!
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree that she was resposible to let you know in advance.  I do find it hard to not be upset though. Especially about the post where only 1 out of her 4 BM came. I would be totally crushed and find it hard to understand why 3 couldn't come to thsoe important events. Yea they have lives, but friends should be there for their friends wedding stuff as much as they can be.
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