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Registry and Gift Forum
To register or to not register...
I am debating about registering or not...my fiance and i have pretty much everything that we need so what i was thinking about doing was instead of registering (my fiance and i are paying for the entire wedding and it is a very expensive wedding) since we are paying for the wedding we are not going to be able to pay for our honeymoon until we save money for about a year or more so i was thinking about registering for a honeymoon, so instead of getting us a gift they contribute to our honeymoon..is that a tacky idea??
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Re: To register or to not register...
There is a link on the main page of this board with info about honeymoon registries. I suggest you read it.
If you only want cash, don't register or have a very small registry (for guests who are going to give you a physical gift regardless, and there will likely be a few). And then spread the word (via word of mouth) that you're saving money for X.
And forgo all showers. Showers are for physical gifts, not cash contributions.
FI and I can not afford an all inclusive resort as I would DREAM OF because we want to buy a house within 3 months after the wedding so we are probably going to go on a short cruise or maybe Disney/nice resort for a few days, cell phones off and just get a mini getaway before house hunting :-) Goal would be to take the all inclusive before having kids :-)
A honeymoon does not help you furnish your home and kitchen as a couple as traditional registries do. I do not believe that you have every.single.thing that you need for your home. that is impossible. Certainly you could use an upgrade on items too.
[QUOTE]my FI and i have been living together for almost 2 years. we also have all the main stuff. but i have got to tell you, registering was SO FUN! we went to crate and barrel and macys so far and we registered for so many cool gadgets and things that we just normally wouldn't go buy ourselves. and you can also register for stuff you may need some upgrades of, you know, new plates, maybe new cups or silverware. I think when I send out my bridal shower invites I'm going to give where we are registered and also say they can donate to our honeymoon fund as well. that way people have a choice. :)
Posted by cusi229[/QUOTE]
Please reconsider doing a honeymoon fund.
Would you rather get $50 from your guest, or $42, because the service you're using charges an 8% fee?
You'll get cash regardless. I've gotten a couple hundred in cash. Don't do a honeymoon registry.
I did a wishpot list, and have a couple of add-ons like a sunset sail and a kayak rental on it....and we are considering putting airfare to Ireland on it (wishpot links to a paypal account and people can contribute amounts to a large gift.)
If I were you I would do a small tradional registry (which is easier than you think even when you have been living with your mate for two years like we have also been) and also for some honeymoon stuff. Some guests will be more traditional and others will be more into giving you an experience rather than a blender...
Yes, it is tacky to ask other people to pay for your HM,especially when you can't even afford it yourself. Asking for cash is inappropriate even when you try to disguise it as a HM registry. People already know that cash is an appreciated gift, they don't need to be asked to give it. Do a small registry and people will get the hint that cash would be a welcomed gift. Use that money and plan a HM you can afford.
[QUOTE]I totally agree with the person above me- I think they are fine and no more "tacky" than registering in general. <strong>Asking for a gift if asking for a gift, regardless of how you ask for it.</strong> I have both- a brick and mortar store for people who would prefer to go that route and and a "wish" registry at <a href="http://www.uponourstar.com" rel='nofollow'>www.uponourstar.com</a> for things that are both honeymoon and remodel stuff for our house. I think there is something for everyone's range out there.
Posted by JuneMaggie[/QUOTE]
A standard registry says "Here are some ideas for things we'd like."
A honeymoon registry says, "Give me money."
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To register or to not register... : A standard registry says "Here are some ideas for things we'd like." A honeymoon registry says, "Give me money."
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]
A standard registry says "Here are some items that we need for our household as a married couple."
A honeymoon registry says, "We have all the household item we need. However, if you would like to offer a gift, we would be grateful for any contributions to our honeymoon."
When you think of it, wedding registries really began back in the day when brides and grooms did not live together prior to marriage. More often than not, they were still living with their parents. So standard registries of household items were necessary. They are not necessary now. Alot of couples are living together for YEARS!!
My FI and I are doing a honeymoon registry cause we do not need any household items for the house. And the things we want to upgrade in the house are mostly high priced electronics. (FI is an IT geek) Too pricey to put on the wedding registry. If we did that would be tacky.
I say go for it..
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To register or to not register... : A standard registry says "Here are some items that we need for our household as a married couple." A honeymoon registry says, "We have all the household item we need. However, if you would like to offer a gift, we would be grateful for any contributions to our honeymoon." When you think of it, wedding registries really began back in the day when brides and grooms did not live together prior to marriage. More often than not, they were still living with their parents. So standard registries of household items were necessary. They are not necessary now. Alot of couples are living together for YEARS!! My FI and I are doing a honeymoon registry cause we do not need any household items for the house. And the things we want to upgrade in the house are mostly high priced electronics. (FI is an IT geek) Too pricey to put on the wedding registry. If we did that would be tacky. I say go for it..
Posted by Cattidrie[/QUOTE]
Good for you. But know that just because no one says to your face or to your parents that they think you're tacky, doesn't mean they won't be thinking it to themselves.
Also, people aren't obligated to give from the registry, a registry is simply a list of suggestions for people who might not know what the couple actually likes. A physical gift registry is for people to establish married life together. It doesn't even have to be things people "need" (a registry isn't a charity), but things that would be nice for the newly married couple to have for their home. Nothing rude or tacky about that.
However, a HM registry is just asking for cash. I don't get how some PPs want to frame it like people are paying for "experiences." They're not. Guests pay online, then the registry service cuts you a check for the amount minus service fees. It's just like putting your hand out. The only difference is that a middle man is putting their hand out for you and trying to make it sound cool and innovative.
By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever.
When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple. The following ideas do not match with what a wedding gift is supposed to represent, and in fact, just demand that people give you money instead of a wedding gift: a downpayment registry, a honeymoon registry, a “donation” to your fav charity, a money dance, a money tree, a greenback wedding or shower (where the guests bring cash), a plastic wedding or shower (where the guests bring gift cards), or an outright request for cash.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To register or to not register... : A standard registry says "Here are some ideas for things we'd like."<strong> A honeymoon registry says, "Give me money."</strong>
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]
<div>Actually, a honeymoon registry says "Give me money. But only 92% of what you really wanted to give me."</div><div>
</div><div>That is the thing that bugs me most about HM registries. You are not even getting the full gift that your guests are giving you! HM registries take a percentage, generally about 8%, of the value. So if I gift you $100 toward your scuba diving trip, you're really only getting $92. However, if I hand you $100 and say "use this toward your honeymoon" you are getting the full $100 value.</div><div>
</div><div>If you want money for your honeymoon, rather than gifts, that's ok IMO. But a HM registry is really the worst way to go about it. Rather spead the word to your parents and BP so that when people asked where you are registered, they can respond "They have a small registry at Macys, but they really are saving up so they can take an awesome honeymoon!" Your guests will understand, you'll get money (the full value) for you honeymoon, and no one will be offended.</div>
Today, I started surfing the Macy's website and surprisingly was able to come up with about 15 items that would be nice to have ... more upscale items that will last like a stainless steel garbage can, upscale food processor and blender, nice coffee machine, etc as well as a few lower end things like a non-stick cookie sheet and a wine cooler for picnics. I feel that is enough items to satisfy the people who want to give gifts plus I am excited to be able to unwrap a few gifts! Good luck.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To register or to not register... : Good for you. But know that just because no one says to your face or to your parents that they think you're tacky, doesn't mean they won't be thinking it to themselves.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]
Of Course!! It's a wedding!! Everyone wil have an opinion about it regardless of what you do or don't do! Look at this board and this website!
The overall point is to do what you feel makes you happy and forget what everyone else thinks. That is the most important..
As for me, I guess I'll jut be tacky! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-money-mouth.gif" border="0" alt="Money mouth" title="Money mouth" />