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Chanel8174
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BMs seem totally uninterested
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Anyone else dealing with bridesmaids that don't seem to really care about the planning of the wedding? I mean maybe I have a false sense of how the wedding festivities are supposed to be. But in my mind.... the BMs are there for everything. They call and ask you for updates. They come over to help DIY, they go shopping for stuff you need, they plan engagement, bridal, or bach parties, etc. Granted, my weddng is not until October 2010 (less than a year away), but I thought I'd have a little more involvement. Maybe if my mother wasn't sick she would help... but it just sees like I'm doing everything alone with no one inquiring about anything. WHEW I needed that vent
Are your bridesmaids involved?
Are your bridesmaids involved?
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Re: BMs seem totally uninterested
Chances are your wedding is a mere faint blip on their social radar. They have lives of their own; jobs, family, other friends, ect. Also, some people, shocker I know, are really not into weddings or planning them. All they want to do is show up in a dress, be supportive of the relationship, and party the night away. Going shopping for matching shoes and spending a weekend assembling invitations is not their idea of a good time. I am one that would easily fall into that category if it wasn't my own wedding I'm doing stuff for.
I see no reason for them to call for random updates on the wedding, or to be at your every beck and call. My BM's haven't really asked me anything, except my MOH who needed to know dates to ask for vacation time and to see if I needed anything done. But no one else has really even mentioned it. No worries for me.
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What are you expecting them to do at this point? They're more than likely not interested in scoping out venues, going shopping for your dress, or doing anything for the wedding that doesn't affect them. The responsibility of planning the wedding falls on you and your FI; if it's too much for the two of you, hire a planner. Don't expect your bridesmaids to be your unpaid staff, and don't expect them to totally put their own lives on hold for a big moment... that's happening to someone else.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
[QUOTE]Anyone else dealing with bridesmaids that don't seem to really care about the planning of the wedding? I mean <strong>maybe I have a false sense of how the wedding festivities are supposed to be</strong>. But in my mind.... the BMs are there for everything. They call and ask you for updates. They come over to help DIY, they go shopping for stuff you need, they plan engagement, bridal, or bach parties, etc. Granted, my weddng is not until October 2010 (less than a year away), but I thought I'd have a little more involvement. Maybe if my mother wasn't sick she would help... but it just sees like I'm doing everything alone with no one inquiring about anything. WHEW I needed that vent Are your bridesmaids involved?
Posted by Chanel8174[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, unfortunately you do. </div><div>
</div><div>Despite what you see in movies, the wedding party isn't staff. They may be planning showers and/or bachelorette parties, but that won't be 'til more like 3-4 months before your wedding, not now. And they'll go shopping for their dresses with you, perhaps. But the rest of it really isn't for them to do. Some may offer, and you can even ask for help - politely! - if you need it, but don't be upset or insulted if they can't or won't help. Some people are really busy and others just aren't into wedding planning, especially for someone else.</div><div>
</div><div>But why do you feel like you're doing this alone? Where's your FI? Why isn't HE helping?
</div>
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bridesmaids - my sister (MOH), BFF, 2 SIL, 5 nieces (all under 14).
how it broke downj:
Venue - parents, DH and me
Food tasting - parents, DH and me
my dress - mom, sister, me
BM dress - sister and BFF (SILs told me to have them pick and they would wear whatever we choose)
Flowers - me, parents, DH
Officiant - me
DJ - me
Photographer - me
candy buffet - DH
cake tasting - mom and me
programs - me
place cards - sister (the week before the wedding)
OOT bag letter - sister,me (the week before the wedding)
shower - sister and BFF
Invitation addressing - me, sister, BFF and mom (they were done 3 months before the wedding, but not sent out until 8 weeks out)
As you can see, DH, myself and my parents (they paid) did most of the work. With the exception of the dresses, the work my bridesmaids did were much closer to the wedding. They did not need to be at my beck and call 11 months out.
To answer your question: What you are describing in your expectations is a wedding planner. Hire one.
Mine offered to help a lot, but it was mine and my husband's wedding, not theirs, and I didn't want to be a burden. We planned everything. Recruit the help of your FI. It's really on you two to plan everything. Good luck.
I haven't asked for help with really anything (I did have my MOH and another BM go with me dress shopping, but they were more excited about it than I was), and I've been beseiged with offers of help. At this point, I've just been thanking them and saying I'll let them know, because there is nothing for them to do. I may enlist some help assembling invitations and programs and other DIY projects when it gets closer, but it's unnecessary right now. And my wedding is six months before yours.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
I think when it gets closer to the date, your bridesmaids will get more excited. They'll realize how big of a deal it is for you and your fiance.
Whether you like it or not, your wedding is not going to be the most important thing to anybody involved besides you or your FI. And honestly, if it were any other way, that just wouldn't be "healthy" for a multitude of reasons.
My BMs are my 2 sisters (1 is the MOH) and my FI's sister. I have seen them for dress shopping and my shower (Which my mom and FI's cousin planned, apparently the 3 of them helped with the set-up, but they all volunteered to do so). My MOH also came over one night to help my tie ribbons on my invites (Which I still don't know why she offered to do that, but I appreciated the help).
Other than that, I haven't seen them for ANYTHING wedding-related (I see them all regularly, but the wedding doesn't come up that much), and I'm pretty much a month out at this point.
Pretty much everything that gets done is either me and FI, or if FI's busy or it's "girl" thing (Like dress shopping), it's been me and my mom. A few times my grandmother has tagged along, but that's it.
And like all the other weddings I've been in, I really don't expect them to get "involved" until a few days before (RD and such), and even then, 2 of them have kids, 1 has a full-time job and all of them attend school, so they do have other priorities. As long as everybody's running on time the day of, I could care less what goes on between now and then.
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[QUOTE]I mean maybe I have a false sense of how the wedding festivities are supposed to be. Posted by Chanel8174[/QUOTE]
Yup, your expectations are ridiculous. BMs duties are to get a dress and show up. Anything else they choose to do is going above and beyond. The more you expect of them, the more it seems like crappy work to them, and the less they want to do it.
If you need help planning your wedding, your FI is the one who should be helping. If it is too much for the two of you, hire a planner or cut back.
My MOH went dress shopping with me and went to the cake tasting with us b/c she loves cake.
My mom and another BM helped us make invitations.
My other two BMs didn't do anything. They didn't come to showers or b-parties. They didn't shop with me or make DIY projects or listen to wedding talk. They still did everything I needed, and are incredible friends, because I don't value my friends by what they do for me.
On the other side of things, it sucks if people just aren't interested. You still have tons of time for people to get excited for you. It's not like you're 2 weeks out and your BMs have decided you aren't important enough for them to even remember where the ceremony is.
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And remember, you can always come talk about your wedding here. A board full of wedding obsessed people will always listen!
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