Parent Gifts, One set helping the other set is absent

orangemell2012 · July 2012

FI and I are in our early 30's, so we are paying for most of the wedding. His parents are paying for the rest. They live in the same area as we do and have been incredibly supportive and have been helping with the crafts, logistics and planning.

My parents live 5+ hours away and have literally done nothing. They are not giving us any money (not a big deal) or offered to help with any of the details or planning. My mom wouldn't even come to the shower because it was too far to drive. They are my paretns and I love them but I don't want to go on and on in my speech about how great they are, when they aren't. We aren't buying them a gift since they aren't invovled in the process but how do we give my FI's parents credit and show gratitude. We got FI's parents a very nice gift and I have a lot of great things to say about them in the speech.

How do we balance this. I don't want to not thank his parents because mine aren't invovled.

ohnoitskaroljo · July 2012

Oh man, that's such a tough one!!!

Can you by ANY chance keep it simple in your speech? Thank your parents for raising you (or have your FI thank them for raising the woman of his dreams) and then thank HIS parents for all of their help and support? TRY to keep it on an even keel, don't go on about his folks for 10 minutes and only say one line about yours, ya know?

That sucks that your parents haven't been helpful and that your mom wouldn't come out for the shower

spazticrexe · July 2012

Well, for one thing, you don't even need to do a speech unless you really want to.

I am in a similar situation where my FI's parents have been overwhelmingly generous while my parents have been almost MIA. My dad keeps offerring to pay for things but when the bill comes due, he's nowhere to be found. Oh well, it's not a big deal, so I'm not going to make a big deal over it or call him out on it/shame him in a speech or otherwise.

I'm planning on saying a few words at our rehearsal dinner, but just a general, 'thanks for coming and a big thanks to everyone who has helped out' - I'll definitely be going light on the specifics. At the wedding, it'll just be MOH and BM making speeches, and then if any of the parents want to do one.

orangemell2012 · July 2012

We are doing short speeches at the wedding since we aren't have a rehearsal dinner, so I need to thank the parents but want to make sure I am fair with it! So challenging.

id012 · July 2012

I think i would keep the speech simple and to the point, and in private give them a heartfelt thank you, weather you pull them to the side and say thank you yadaddadyada. or write a beautiful card and slip it to them.

spazticrexe · July 2012

Well, to be sure you're fair, I would probably keep the Thank Yous to ones about how well they have raised their respective children, as well as how 'supportive' they have been (i.e. emotionally as opposed to financially). Then, I agree with PP that a gift to your future in-laws and heartfelt thanks for the monetary support is best done in private.

Ajoyd · July 2012

I agree with PPs--I would keep the wedding speeches short and simple. Your FI's parents really don't need public recognition for paying for part of the wedding, you can give them a heartfelt letter with your gift to them in private.

Even if your parents have been MIA in the process you don't want them to feel embarrassed by it at the wedding.

Sorry your mom didn't even come to your shower, that is such a bummer

I can totally undertand your desire to recognize FI's parents for all they've done.

rungirl12 · July 2012

Could you publicly thank your parents for raising you and helping to make you who you are and then thank your fiance's parents for raising him and for all their help with making the day possible with their planning? You could leave it at that for the speech, but then write them a private card thanking them so much and give them the card & gift in private (not near your parents).

sasha213sw · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_parent-gifts-one-set-helping-the-other-set-is-absent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:38b143c5-dc4d-42bb-a9d3-655b3ba6a509Post:db90a065-36f1-4cd6-90f8-5a34a45611b0">Re: Parent Gifts, One set helping the other set is absent</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, for one thing, you don't even need to do a speech unless you really want to. I am in a similar situation where my FI's parents have been overwhelmingly generous while my parents have been almost MIA. My dad keeps offerring to pay for things but when the bill comes due, he's nowhere to be found. Oh well, it's not a big deal, so I'm not going to make a big deal over it or call him out on it/shame him in a speech or otherwise. I'm planning on saying a few words at our rehearsal dinner, but just a general, 'thanks for coming and a big thanks to everyone who has helped out' - I'll definitely be going light on the specifics. At the wedding, it'll just be MOH and BM making speeches, and then if any of the parents want to do one.
Posted by spazticrexe[/QUOTE]

This is my life exactly - only I would add that my dad has bought a new house, car and went on two vacation trips!

spazticrexe · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_parent-gifts-one-set-helping-the-other-set-is-absent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:38b143c5-dc4d-42bb-a9d3-655b3ba6a509Post:9b137e92-eb44-4c3e-bf85-7f19615931db">Re: Parent Gifts, One set helping the other set is absent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parent Gifts, One set helping the other set is absent : This is my life exactly - only I would add that my dad has bought a new house, car and went on two vacation trips!
Posted by sasha213sw[/QUOTE]

Same! Except no house or car, it's the trips and then mostly camera equipment which ain't cheap!

*sigh* oh well.

Parent Gifts, One set helping the other set is absent

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