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AutumnFair · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dilemmasuggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4697e481-a6f8-4b7e-b755-30573ff02852Post:64c06850-0dd5-459d-848c-99be66403582">Dilemma...suggestions?</a>:
[QUOTE]When I first got engaged my best friend was so excited for me. I asked her to be in my wedding party along with my 3 sisters and she was thrilled. Now that plans are actually rolling along and I've moved due to work...I hardly hear from her at all. When we do chat she wants nothing to do with the wedding. I haven't asked her to do anything and my mom even made all the bridesmaid dresses so she didnt have to purchase one or anything. Now a few weeks ago she asked what time my wedding is. She performs in shows and there is an audition coming up she really wants to get. <strong>However if she does, it would mean missing my shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal/dinner, and leaving the reception quite early.</strong> She seems to think she can make it work and Im hesitant to say anything and create drama in case she doesn't get cast anyway. I came right out and asked her if it would be easier to be a guest at the wedding instead. She insisted she will make it work but I can't help but wonder how. So now I'm waiting to find out what happens at the audition (this wknd) but i feel so torn between supporting her and wanting her to still be a part of my wedding day.
Posted by cheryllynn228[/QUOTE]

<div>Remember that the bridesmaid is just a <em><strong>title</strong></em> to honor your closest friends and family, no BM is required to go to any pre-wedding events. All your BM has to do is be there for the <strong>ceremony, </strong>that is all, her role is done after the ceremony so if she has to leave early from the reception so be it, I can bet your not going to notice, I have had to leave early from receptions before and my friends actually couldn't remember what time I actually left since they were on cloud 9. So don't worry about her not attending these parties as long as she shows up for the ceremony then she's fine. I highly recommend NOT pressuring her to think she has to attending these parties because in reality she doesn't have to and you need to be supportive in her trying to pursue her dream.</div><div>
</div><div> Same goes for wedding talk, she seems to be someone who isn't interested in wedding stuff and was probably initially excited just because she heard the good news of your engagement. But she doesn't have to be interested in your wedding. Find someone else to chat with about weddings who actually like wedding stuff. </div><div>
</div><div>The only one who could cause drama is you expecting her to be at pre-wedding events and being focusing all her energy on your wedding. You need to let it go and just be happy for her trying to reach her goal. </div>

aerinpegadrak · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dilemmasuggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4697e481-a6f8-4b7e-b755-30573ff02852Post:64c06850-0dd5-459d-848c-99be66403582">Dilemma...suggestions?</a>:
[QUOTE]When I first got engaged my best friend was so excited for me. I asked her to be in my wedding party along with my 3 sisters and she was thrilled. Now that plans are actually rolling along and I've moved due to work...I hardly hear from her at all. When we do chat she wants nothing to do with the wedding. I haven't asked her to do anything and my mom even made all the bridesmaid dresses so she didnt have to purchase one or anything. Now a few weeks ago she asked what time my wedding is. She performs in shows and there is an audition coming up she really wants to get. However if she does, it would mean missing my shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal/dinner, and leaving the reception quite early. She seems to think she can make it work and Im hesitant to say anything and create drama in case she doesn't get cast anyway. I came right out and asked her if it would be easier to be a guest at the wedding instead. She insisted she will make it work but I can't help but wonder how. So now I'm waiting to find out what happens at the audition (this wknd) but i feel so torn between supporting her and wanting her to still be a part of my wedding day.
Posted by cheryllynn228[/QUOTE]
Being a part of your wedding day means just that: the wedding day. She's not required to attend any of the pre-wedding stuff, and all guests, WP or not, can leave the wedding whenever they choose. You've already asked her to be in the wedding, and she's already told you that she can handle it. There's nothing more for you to do at this point without crossing the line into jerkdom.

trix1223 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dilemmasuggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4697e481-a6f8-4b7e-b755-30573ff02852Post:af508870-bf0b-4cf5-920c-9dc845291dc0">Re: Dilemma...suggestions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Dilemma...suggestions? : Remember that the bridesmaid is just a title to honor your closest friends and family, no BM is required to go to any pre-wedding events. All your BM has to do is be there for the ceremony, that is all, her role is done after the ceremony so if she has to leave early from the reception so be it, I can bet your not going to notice, I have had to leave early from receptions before and my friends actually couldn't remember what time I actually left since they were on cloud 9. So don't worry about her not attending these parties as long as she shows up for the ceremony then she's fine. I highly recommend NOT pressuring her to think she has to attending these parties because in reality she doesn't have to and you need to be supportive in her trying to pursue her dream. Same goes for wedding talk, she seems to be someone who isn't interested in wedding stuff and was probably initially excited just because she heard the good news of your engagement. But she doesn't have to be interested in your wedding. Find someone else to chat with about weddings who actually like wedding stuff. The only one who could cause drama is you expecting her to be at pre-wedding events and being focusing all her energy on your wedding. You need to let it go and just be happy for her trying to reach her goal.
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

co-signed, Trix-if that's okay with you autumn ;)

AutumnFair · February 2011

Could never say no to you mama bear trix.

)

Add-on: Awe, you didn't have to DD, I didn't mean to scare you away with advice that would make you a good person.

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