Stressed out at Mom and need to vent!

DaughterOfHelaman2709 · July 2010

Hi, everyone!

So here's a little background. I am living 6 hours from home, my sister is sick, and my fiancee and I are LDS, which means that when we are married in the temple, my family won't be able to be in that room. Because of this, we have elected to have a ring ceremony in my hometown.

My mom and I are really close, and we usually agree on everything, but this time around, she is being petulant. Chris and I changed what temple we were getting married in so that my mom, sister and attendants could at least be there to share some parts of the temple ceremony with me (as much as possible) and be in the pictures there.

I bought my dress from a consignment shop because the price was right and it is a beautiful dress, but I missed out on having my mom and sister there with me to help pick it out... that stung a bit, but I know we are on a shoestring, and I want this to be as painless as possible for everyone involved.

I don't care where the ring ceremony/reception is, so long as it can accommodate both things with relative ease. I understand that I will be making hors d'orvres (sp??) until they are coming out my ears. This is probably going to be more work for me than anyone. Again, that's ok, I have great friends, in-laws, and an amazing husband-to-be to help me decompress.

The problem? The sticking point? My mom doesn't like wedding cake, so she doesn't think I should have one. Her argument? "Wedding cake is so... blah. People don't like that." I don't care if the top tier is cake and the other tiers are cupcakes; my MIL could do that! My point is, I am only doing this once. In the LDS church, we believe in marriage for time and all eternity. That's a long time for me to be upset that I had sheet cakes at my wedding because I didn't stand up to my mom.

I'm afraid it's going to reach a point where I'm going to say "Chris and I celebrated in the temple this morning. Welcome to Myrtle's third wedding and reception."

I know it will be nice, it will be beautiful... but where is the point where Chris and I get to say "Hey, over here, it's our wedding, remember?"

...Or do we have that privilege at all?

sinnedambition · July 2010

It's not your wedding. You are just the main focus.

It's your mom's, sister's, grandma's, In Laws, cousin twice removed, etc etc wedding.

At the end of the day..you are married to a lovely man and hopefully the rest will be what you want, if not...at least you got the prince.

Sue-n-Kevin · July 2010

Welcome to the Detroit board. Sorry you are feeling so put out about YOUR wedding.

My recommendation would be a compromise. Have a small-ish 2 tiered cake or 1 round wedding cake (most bakeries around here can make them for little money, and they are lovely), and then have sheet cakes in the "back room" of whatever reception location you have, those can be cut and served to the guests. We are doing this anyway to save money, and getting sheet cakes from Costco for $16. They come in a few flavors, with flavored cream centers like chocolate mousse, creamcheese/cheesecake, etc. Each one serves 48 people, and you can get them with all white frosting, chocolate, or white with different colored flowers or decorations. Once they are cut, no one will notice they were not "wedding cake".

Regarding whether you have the "privilege" of saying anything depends on who is paying and how willing the payor is to compromise. Yes, it's the day you and your fiance become husband & wife for life. It should be joyous and what YOU want. If your mother or parents are paying, they get to have a large (but not dictatorial) say in things.

Hopefully you can work this out. Come by and vent anytime. The ladies on this board are great.

Good luck.

ladysunkissed · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_stressed-out-mom-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:2f046f46-858f-4646-8c0c-25a432da4c53Post:da31999f-d18a-4115-93ff-68b98732af71">Re: Stressed out at Mom and need to vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing this anyway to save money, and getting sheet cakes from Costco for $16. They come in a few flavors, with flavored cream centers like chocolate mousse, creamcheese/cheesecake, etc. Each one serves 48 people, and you can get them with all white frosting, chocolate, or white with different colored flowers or decorations. Once they are cut, no one will notice they were not "wedding cake". [/QUOTE]

When I left my last job, they got me one of the chocolate Costco cakes...not only was it beautiful, to this day, it is still the best cake I've ever had!!!! Yummm.

boogerbearoriginal · July 2010

I think the suggestion of having a smaller cake and then other dessert options is a fair compromise. Some people simply don't like cake so I don't blame Mom for wanting to have a dessert option she can enjoy as well. Likewise, just because she doesn't like cake doesn't mean no one else should get a piece.

I would offer up doing a dessert table, have a smaller cake, maybe cookies, pies, etc. available so everyone can enjoy a dessert they prefer.

ETA - FWIW if you spend eternity upset because you had sheet cakes count yourself lucky that that was the worst thing to happen in your marriage.

Stressed out at Mom and need to vent!

Re: Stressed out at Mom and need to vent!

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