Having second thoughts

I got engaged on Valentine's day and I was really excited but since then we haven't planned anything and since I'm away at school I don't really feel like I'm even engaged... On top of everything mY ring... I love him and everything but I hate my ring. What do I do? I'm young and one day hope to have a great life w/ him but I'm just not feeling it at all... Help!

Re: Having second thoughts

  • I see that your wedding isn't until March 2013 - so it makes sense that you wouldn't be doing planning now. You should take this time to make sure that you're positive you want to get married. If you're far away, plan skype or gchat video dates with your fiancee. 

    If you hate your ring, you should say something. You're going to be wearing it for the rest of your life, so you should love it. This isn't a time to just be polite and wear it forever. Gently explain that you love the gesture and you're so excited that he bought you a ring, but that it isn't your style and you'd love to exchange (or whatever works) for another. I think he'd understand. My fiance let me pick mine out for this reason. 
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  •  As PP said, your wedding date isn't for another couple years. I got engaged last November and our wedding isn't until July of 2013. I have had NO planning to do this entire time and still have a while to go without planning. I understand that it seems like being engaged should be different, but really, it's not that much different from just being boyfriend and girlfriend. I guess the only real difference is that you both are saying, "Yeah, we actually are planning to get married and have a date in mind." The relationship itself doesn't really change much just from being engaged.

    With that said, if you're really "not feeling" this engagement, talk to your FI. Tell him how you feel. This is really something the two of you need to work out together.

    Good luck.
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  • 1. Talk with your FI about your feelings. Try to find the root of the problem. Is it your FI? Is it your relationship? School? Something else?

    Be honest about your E-ring if it really isn't your thing. If it is just a little smaller than you wanted or maybe a different cut than you were expecting, I would try and get used to it. FI gave me a 3-stone E-ring and I expected a solitaire, but I got over it. Now if it is yellow gold and you wanted white, that is different. 

    2. Evaluate your life and goals. Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 20 years? You have plenty of time until your date, which you could even change. 

    It's hard to manage school and planning a wedding, so don't be too hard on yourself. Talk with your friends and family about things and definitely look into some counseling for you and FI if this persists. 


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