Wedding Etiquette Forum

One more +1 question

Until now we had been planning not to invite +1s to the wedding for budgetary reasons. We're having a small wedding - 55-60 people. I just got an email from FMIL asking if my FI's sister can bring a guest. She's 30 years old and wants to bring a girl she went to school with.

I don't have a real problem with this, except that then I need to extend +1s to everyone who's single, right? Every unattached person there will know a whole bunch of other people that they regularly hang out with, except my brother and FI's sister. Would it be justifiable to extend +1s to our siblings, but nobody else?

I'm hesitant to extend +1s to a couple of our friends because two of them are sensitive about the fact that they're the only single people in their respective social circles. I worry a bit that extending a +1 would make them feel obligated to scramble and find someone to bring, particularly since everyone they normally hang out with will already be at the wedding. I know, they're adults and can make their own decisions, but I'm not sure these particular individuals can be treated as normal adults. :-) If I can avoid putting them in an awkward situation, I'd rather do so.

If giving FI's sister a +1 means inviting 15 other people to a wedding of 60 people, I'm not sure what to do..
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Re: One more +1 question

  • I'd say let the two people that don't know anyone else at the wedding bring a +1.
    IF you can push it....


    It seems like none of your guests will be offended that they weren't allowed a plus one, since they will have people there they know.
    As a guest, I would be OK with this.
    But I'm sure some more experience brides in here will be able to provide better advice.
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  • If it was me, and I was at a wedding where I knew everyone (and I was single), I'd be ok with not getting to bring a guest, especially if I knew you needed to keep the guest list small due to the budget. But that's just me.

    I say let them (the two that won't know anyone) bring a guest. Just don't announce it to everyone else.
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  • I worry a bit that extending a +1 would make them feel obligated to scramble and find someone to bring, particularly since everyone they normally hang out with will already be at the wedding.

    I'm not sure why you think people would feel obligated to find a date.  I inivited all single people to bring guests, and none of them are bringing anybody.
    Married 10/2/10
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_one-1-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f093c40-483c-4298-86e0-eceaa49c08a6Post:34971724-825d-49d0-a19d-48ec3486f819">Re: One more +1 question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I worry a bit that extending a +1 would make them feel obligated to scramble and find someone to bring, particularly since everyone they normally hang out with will already be at the wedding. I'm not sure why you think people would feel obligated to find a date.  <strong>I inivited all single people to bring guests, and none of them are bringing anybody.</strong>
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto this.  My MOH was the only single person who brought a date.</div>
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  • Since the two people who don't know anybody are your brother and his sister, I'd say you have an easy out here - you extend +1s to them because they are your siblings, and therefore you want them to be extra comfortable and special. Nobody is going to begrudge dates to siblings or WP members.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_one-1-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f093c40-483c-4298-86e0-eceaa49c08a6Post:34971724-825d-49d0-a19d-48ec3486f819">Re: One more +1 question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I worry a bit that extending a +1 would make them feel obligated to scramble and find someone to bring, particularly since everyone they normally hang out with will already be at the wedding. I'm not sure why you think people would feel obligated to find a date.  I inivited all single people to bring guests, and none of them are bringing anybody.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    I'm sure that normal people wouldn't be at all bothered by a +1 invitation, but two of our friends (one is mine, one is his) are a little unusual and this is something that I think would really bother them. It's just because of their personalities - I'm sure none of the others would have any problem.

    It sounds like I might be able to just get away with doing it for siblings, as long as it's not publicized.. perfect, thanks ladies.
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  • TTiger03TTiger03 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited September 2010
    I doubt anyone would say anything about you extending a +1 to your siblings.  The only issue would be if someone is in a relationship and you didn't know.  If someone says they have a boyfriend/ girlfriend you didn't know about, you can decide to include them.  With your list as small as it is, I don't think this would be the case though.

    I say let your siblings have the +1.  You could always use the same argument that many here use with just the bridal party getting +1 unless there is a known SO.
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  • Ditto the PPs.  Also, I question if other guests would even notice that those two got +1s.  I've never been to a wedding where I knew every single person there, so as a guest I don't think I'd be able to pick out the friend your SIL brings vs a friend of yours, or the grooms that I didn't happen to know.  I wouldn't stress about it.  Everyone should be so focused on you and having a good time they won't be paying attention to the specifics of the guest list ;-)
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