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Overbearing MOB

jmg4486jmg4486
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in Just Engaged and Proposals
So my fiancé and I have been engaged for less than a month and my mother is taking over already. My fiancé and I both want a small quiet beach wedding (the beach it 45 minutes from our home).

My mother's bare bones list is over 200 people! She also seems to think the drive is to far and that family will not show up to the wedding. I have bent and told her we can do the reception locally. She is now looking for locations that have beautiful outdoor venues as well because she is sure she can talk me out of holding the ceremony at the beach.

I am letting my mother have her say since she is paying for the most of the wedding, but how to I make her understand that this is my day and there are certain things that I am just not willing to give up?

HELP!
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Re: Overbearing MOB

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    NatandIsaacNatandIsaac
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_over-bearing-mob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:39b70653-4201-4d51-be25-a650d5784c67Post:19a35a5b-37a5-4551-b166-29ef543d68b0">Overbearing MOB</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my fiancé and I have been engaged for less than a month and my mother is taking over already. My fiancé and I both want a small quiet beach wedding (the beach it 45 minutes from our home). My mother's bare bones list is over 200 people! She also seems to think the drive is to far and that family will not show up to the wedding. I have bent and told her we can do the reception locally. She is now looking for locations that have beautiful outdoor venues as well because she is sure she can talk me out of holding the ceremony at the beach. <strong>I am letting my mother have her say since she is paying for the most of the wedding, but how to I make her understand that this is my day and there are certain things that I am just not willing to give up?</strong> HELP!
    Posted by jmg4486[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You could pay for the wedding yourself. Then you would get to call all of the shots.

    </div>
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    loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_over-bearing-mob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:39b70653-4201-4d51-be25-a650d5784c67Post:0988f673-0634-4c01-af8e-fb2a944cd7b2">Re: Overbearing MOB</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Overbearing MOB : You could pay for the wedding yourself. Then you would get to call all of the shots.
    Posted by NatandIsaac[/QUOTE]

    <div>This exactly.</div>

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Well said. Whoever pays has the say. Money = strings.

    If you she doesn't share your same vision, you might have to save up and pay for the wedding yourself.
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    MissOwlMissOwl
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    does she know your full plan? pps are right but you have to remember that your mom has expectations and dreams about your wedding too. perhaps show her some of your own research/inspiration to give her a better sense of what you're hoping to accomplish. perhaps that will help you come to some middle ground.
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    ECI1151ECI1151 member
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    Since shes paying and still wants 200 guests im guessing money isn't that big of an issue to her. Still, once she sees how much everything could potentially cost once food, beverages, and all that good stuff is added in maybe she will have a change of heart and think your idea of a smaller wedding is the way to go!
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    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_over-bearing-mob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:39b70653-4201-4d51-be25-a650d5784c67Post:19a35a5b-37a5-4551-b166-29ef543d68b0">Overbearing MOB</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am <strong>letting</strong> my mother have her say since she is paying for the most of the wedding, but how to I make her understand that this is my day and there are certain things that I am just not willing to give up? HELP!
    Posted by jmg4486[/QUOTE]

    um, "letting" was a bad choice of words.

    Unfortunately the person who pays has complete (100%) say. Now you can ask for things, but if she is paying then she can tell you no. Hopeful as your mother she will listen to you. But, if she doesn't there is nothing you can do as long as she is paying. Sorry, but if she pays she gets to do whatever she wants. Yes, it is still your wedding, but it is her party to plan.  Only real option if your mom doesn't listen to your requests is to pay for your own wedding. Sorry.

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    jmg4486jmg4486
    First Comment
    I guess I should have been a little clearer my mother is paying for a large portion of the wedding but my fiance and I are contributing a significant portion as well. I guess I was just hoping that my mother would be more understanding of my few wants... my fiance and I are pretty much go with the flow people but this is the only thing we really want. 
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    AmusingBrideAmusingBride member
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    I am TERRIFIED of going down this road. My mother made a few iffy statements on Thanksgiving and we decided  that we would just pay for the wedding. It'll be small but it will be just what WE want!
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