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Previously posted on etiquette...EDIT: previously posted on Wedding Party

bheartsbbheartsb member
Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
in New York-New York City

I am a rather practical person.  I hate getting stupid trinket gifts that I call 'dusters' (cuz I feel obligated to keep them, so they sit around, collecting dust because they do not really serve any other purpose).  That's just me, I realize some people LOVE these kinds of chatzki's, but I do not.

So, I decided that as my wedding gift to the ladies in my wedding party I would treat everyone to having hair + make-up done on the day of the wedding (who wouldn't want to get dolled up by a pro? is what I'm thinking). 

The plan is to purchase medium sized Vera Bradley cosmetic bags, fill them with the kind of stuff you wanna' try, but don't want to spend you hard earned $$$ on (make-up primer, matchbook sized book of emery boards, all things kinda beauty related) and include a gift-certificate to get 'beatufied' with me, on my wedding day.

I thought this was a BRILLIANT idea, but have had some people say...'oh! so THAT'S your gift?...WHY??? so they can look good in YOUR photos???' 

I will admit, that's part of it, but I also wanted to defray the costs of being involved in my wedding.  The ladies have also been instructed that I will NOT be picking out bridesmaids dresses, and that they are to show up in a floor-length, black dress of their choosing.  Because who COULDN'T use another black dress AND they REALLY will wear it again...lol.

So, is my idea totally LAME, and crappy?  Or is this something that will be appreciated.  Thoughts?...

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Re: Previously posted on etiquette...EDIT: previously posted on Wedding Party

  • megandjaymegandjay member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How about you get them each a gift certificate to a salon near their home? That they could use when they wanted? The thinking is that, if you require hair and make-up for your wedding, you should pay for it anyway. And that it really isn't a gift for your bridesmaids. Personally I woud rather a gift certificate that I could use when I needed a real pick-me-up!

    I think the gift certificate is a great idea, but maybe just not require it be used on your wedding day.
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  • bheartsbbheartsb member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    the thing is...the hair + malke-up is suppossed to be in ancillary to the goodie bag.  The make-up 'goodie' bag (which will ironically not contain ANY make-up, but beauty related items...) is tha actual gift...
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  • lisalou402lisalou402 member
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Maybe you can find out specific products they use and put that in the bag individually? Like if suzie loves Kiehl's, get her some Kiehl's...if Jane wears Lancome, get her Lancome, etc.  Coudl be a way to get them something the will use.
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  • slbriz34slbriz34
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    "the thing is...the hair + malke-up is suppossed to be in ancillary to the goodie bag."

    I couldn't disagree more.  No offense, but on one says you even have to get a gift - it's an honor and privilege to be asked to be in someone's wedding.  I think your idea is fine; given the price for stuff like that, I'd certainly take it and the bags sound good.

    If they don't like it, then they don't get it.  They will also be enjoying the reception along with everyone else.  Personally, too many folks now make it an issue of BMs having to get something when that's just not the case.

    Do what you wish and deal with it.  No matter what, not everyone will like everything so go with what's comfortable for you - it's your event and gift to give out.
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  • BmoreChick99BmoreChick99
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    we were on a budget for my wedding so unfortunately i couldn't afford to get all my BM's makeup AND hair done.  so, i decided to pay for all their hairdos and then said that if they wanted makeup (i didn't require it) to let me know and i could book extra time for the makeup person and i let them know what her prices were like.

    i ended up getting them some very pretty swarovski crystal earrings that went with their outfits, and matching pashminas since it would likely cool down in the evening.  all 3 of them said they loved the earrings and would definitely wear them again, and they all appreciated not having to worry about finding a coverup to match their BM dresses.

    i have been in weddings before where i got hair and makeup "gifted" to me, and i liked it because it's always a treat to be dolled up.  i've also gotten jewelry that i would never wear again :)  either way, i don't think it's a requirement to get your BM's gifts but it's a nice gesture.  i think the makeup goodie bag is a great idea and i'm sure they would love it!
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  • MrsKocalMrsKocal member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think that sounds like a great gift.  I got a VB bag as a BM and I use it all the time.  Plus the goodies inside - what more would they expect?? The day of hair and makeup is a nice touch but not necessary, so of course it's enough of a gift!
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  • bheartsbbheartsb member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @slbriz...I'm begining to look at it like a Christmas gift...when people buy stuff at Christmas time I ALWAYS hear...it's the thought that counts.  Yet, now that it's a gift in connection with being in my wp, so there are all sorts of 'rules'.


    @Bmorechick...we are def on a budget too! and I definitely APPRECIATED all the gifts I rececived when I was a part of a WP (even if I didn't like it).  Like I said above, it was the 'thought' that counted.  And of all the things I would've wanted my friends getting married to fret over, buying me a gift-wasn't one of them.  I'm from the school of thought that it is indeed a honor + privaledge to participate.

    Example: all of FI's gm are somehow in the business world.  So we cosidered getting each one of them a REALLY nice pen (and possibly engraving it with their initials), because quite frankly...I'm not spending a $100 on a pen, BUT if someone GAVE 1 to me, I would def use it.  Not to mention when your handing a pen to a potential client who is about to sign a contract for a quarter of a million dollars of business, wouldn't it be nice to hand them a NICE pen to sign with? 
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  • bheartsbbheartsb member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_previously-posted-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:114Discussion:bc47fbde-5200-43f2-8195-543c2dcf8cebPost:fe7cbfbd-04c5-4c2d-a48f-adc9087e74d8">Re: Previously posted on etiquette...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that sounds like a great gift.  I got a VB bag as a BM and I use it all the time.  Plus the goodies inside - what more would they expect?? The day of hair and makeup is a nice touch but not necessary, so of course it's enough of a gift!
    Posted by Mrs.Kocal[/QUOTE]


    I'm soo happy to read this coming from you...The Moderator :) you should read the answers I got on the etiquette post.  You would've thought I was a bridezilla ONLY giving hair + MU as their gift.  Not to mention, all the ladies responding saying THEY wouldn't like/want to have their hair + MU done.  I KNOW the girls in my WP (I also ASKED if this was something they would want, not mentioning that I would pay...just so I could get a better idea if it was something they would actually do).  I certainly wouldn't give them something I knew they wouldn't like.

    PS-not one of them said no
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  • LanaJadeLanaJade member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I did something similar to you. I gave my girls a criteria for the dresses and they bought their own. I paid for their hair + MU so they had it done with me on the wedding day. I thought it was better for them to not have to worry about finding a salon and to go there on the day (we had our stuff done at the hotel I was at). Plus, both girls found great deals on dresses using ideeli, and who doesn't love a great deal! I also gave them an extra gift, and the gifts were things I knew they had wanted but never got for themselves.

    So if I were in your wedding party, I would appreciate the gift. The only thing that throws me off is the gift certificate to get 'beautified' with you on your wedding day. Is that for hair + MU, or it is something extra? If it's hair + MU, I think just telling them prior is enough. I don't know, but I see gift certificates as something I can use in the future on my own time. HTH!
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  • julezleejulezlee
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Are you requiring them to get their hair and makeup done?  If so, paying for it is not a gift. 

    Also, I really don't like your makeup bag gift.  It's very impersonal.  These are supposed to be your closest friends.  Can you really not think of anything else to give them than the same cookie cutter gift for everyone? 
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  • megandjaymegandjay member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_previously-posted-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:114Discussion:bc47fbde-5200-43f2-8195-543c2dcf8cebPost:d6ef3305-7830-410c-8d97-aa3f8adb4a20">Re: Previously posted on etiquette...</a>:
    [QUOTE]"the thing is...the hair + malke-up is suppossed to be in ancillary to the goodie bag." I couldn't disagree more.  No offense, but on one says you even have to get a gift - it's an honor and privilege to be asked to be in someone's wedding.  I think your idea is fine; given the price for stuff like that, I'd certainly take it and the bags sound good. If they don't like it, then they don't get it.  They will also be enjoying the reception along with everyone else.  Personally, too many folks now make it an issue of BMs having to get something when that's just not the case. Do what you wish and deal with it.  No matter what, not everyone will like everything so go with what's comfortable for you - it's your event and gift to give out.
    Posted by slbriz34[/QUOTE]

    Wow, you sound like a really thoughtful and considerate friend. *sarcasm*
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  • bheartsbbheartsb member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_previously-posted-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:114Discussion:bc47fbde-5200-43f2-8195-543c2dcf8cebPost:d2fea27f-8ff0-4be9-b9b5-f30f3301a250">Re: Previously posted on etiquette...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you requiring them to get their hair and makeup done?  If so, paying for it is not a gift.  Also, I really don't like your makeup bag gift.  It's very impersonal.  These are supposed to be your closest friends.  Can you really not think of anything else to give them than the same cookie cutter gift for everyone? 
    Posted by julezlee[/QUOTE]

    last wedding FI was in...everyone got an ipod shuffle, with an inscription.  Same cookie cutter gift, yet it was enjoyed.  Mind you between the 2 of us...we now own 4 ipod products.  But, we both still thoughtt it was a pretty niffty gift.  No one was offended that they got 'the same' gift.

    ps-wasn't requiring either.
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  • mkossuthmkossuth
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think your gift is perfect!   I have heard numerous girls say that was their favorite bridesmaid gift when they were in a wedding; no additional cost to them, and one that was the most practical for the day.  I think brides often spend money on the wrong things for bridesmaid gifts- useless little things to fill a bag that no one will really ever use again.  I don't think anyone accepts the honor of being in a friends wedding with gift expectations.  The chance to look their best on your big day, with hair and makeup the day of, is perfect in my opinion!
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  • jayjoejayjoe member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    "(who wouldn't want to get dolled up by a pro? is what I'm thinking)"

    Not me. I hated doing it for my own wedding. As one PP said, a gift is a gift and should not be expected. However, being as my BP took the time out of their schedules to attend fittings and pay for their dress (which i made sure was as inexpensive as i could), a gift to say "thank you for standing up for me on a day thats important to me", was the least i could do. I look at favors as "dusters" but not the gifts i received from my friends whose weddings i was in. Some were personal and others were useful. Hair and make-up for one day is not really a gift for someone who was not planning on getting it done by someone professional. (i never did) I got my girls a coach wristlet (hit an outlet, they were about $40 each) and a GC to their favorite stores. I received a wallet 6 years ago as a BM and i use it to this day.

    Ultimately it is totally up to you, but you asked for opnions and that is mine.
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  • bheartsbbheartsb member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_previously-posted-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:114Discussion:bc47fbde-5200-43f2-8195-543c2dcf8cebPost:1206fee0-8b55-45d2-8240-e2e8637d8eb6">Re: Previously posted on etiquette...</a>:
    [QUOTE]"(who wouldn't want to get dolled up by a pro? is what I'm thinking)" Not me. I hated doing it for my own wedding. As one PP said, a gift is a gift and should not be expected. However, being as my BP took the time out of their schedules to attend fittings and pay for their dress (which i made sure was as inexpensive as i could), a gift to say "thank you for standing up for me on a day thats important to me ", was the least i could do. I look at favors as "dusters" but not the gifts i received from my friends whose weddings i was in. Some were personal and others were useful. <strong>Hair and make-up for one day is not really a gift</strong> for someone who was not planning on getting it done by someone professional. (i never did) I got my girls a coach wristlet (hit an outlet, they were about $40 each) and a GC to their favorite stores. I received a wallet 6 years ago as a BM and i use it to this day. Ultimately it is totally up to you, but you asked for opnions and that is mine.
    Posted by jayjoe[/QUOTE]

    hair + make-up is ancillary to the 'goodie bag'. 
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  • MrsKocalMrsKocal member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_previously-posted-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:114Discussion:bc47fbde-5200-43f2-8195-543c2dcf8cebPost:0ab3457a-1aa9-4f2e-80e7-4594c72a4f7b">Re: Previously posted on etiquette...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Previously posted on etiquette... : I'm soo happy to read this coming from you...The Moderator :) you should read the answers I got on the etiquette post.  You would've thought I was a bridezilla ONLY giving hair + MU as their gift.  Not to mention, all the ladies responding saying THEY wouldn't like/want to have their hair + MU done.  I KNOW the girls in my WP (I also ASKED if this was something they would want, not mentioning that I would pay...just so I could get a better idea if it was something they would actually do).  I certainly wouldn't give them something I knew they wouldn't like. PS-not one of them said no
    Posted by bheartsb[/QUOTE]

    I would not take any stock in what the ladies on the national boards say.  I sometimes think they are planning their weddings on another planet.  Or maybe NYC is the other planet, because no one does weddings the same way we do them here.

    @julezlee - did you honestly get different gifts for every one of your BMs?  I have been in 4 weddings, plus planned my own, and the most "personalized" gift I ever got had my initials on it.  In my experience, BP gifts are ALWAYS the same thing for everyone.  DH has been in 8 or 9 weddings and has never gotten something specific to him, either.  Just because everyone gets the same thing doesn't mean they aren't going to like it.  I got my girls Furla bags, which they still use almost 3 years later - I didn't hear any of them complaining that the bag wasn't spefically picked out for them!
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  • bheartsbbheartsb member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I definitely agree that planning a wedding the the heart of NY is unlike planning a wedding anywhere else.  I always think of my future in-laws at out e-party, FI's mom said "Oh my garsh...this is what w a WEDDING would be like back home"

    I too have never received an 'individualized' gift.  Quite frankly I didn't want anyone to be offended if they felt someone else's gift was 'better' AND I'm a very particular shopper...I would drive myself nuts looking for the perfect gift.  All excuses I know, but I didn't think a Vera Bradley cosmetic bag with all sorts of goodies in it was THAT bad of an idea.  The hair + MU was just an added bonus...not THE GIFT.

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  • jayjoejayjoe member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    <p>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_previously-posted-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:114Discussion:bc47fbde-5200-43f2-8195-543c2dcf8cebPost:0ab3457a-1aa9-4f2e-80e7-4594c72a4f7b"><u><font color="#0000ff">Re: Previously posted on etiquette...</font></u></a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Previously posted on etiquette... : I'm soo happy to read this coming from you...The Moderator :) you should read the answers I got on the etiquette post.  You would've thought I was a bridezilla ONLY giving hair + MU as their gift.  Not to mention, all the ladies responding saying THEY wouldn't like/want to have their hair + MU done.  I KNOW the girls in my WP (I also ASKED if this was something they would want, not mentioning that I would pay...just so I could get a better idea if it was something they would actually do).  I certainly wouldn't give them something I knew they wouldn't like. PS-not one of them said no
    Posted by bheartsb[/QUOTE]

    Bheart, i'm confused. I saw you post this on Wedding Party and you received helpful answers and you thanked them. You posted it again on E and got helpful answers and you thanked them. I saw no snark and i certainly saw no one being mean to you.  If you felt like you were being treated poorly, why didnt you say something on that thread instead of starting a third one? Also, you asked for advice/opinions. Thats what they gave you. And if you already asked your BP and they all said they would like this gift, why three threads asking for our opinions? What were you looking for exactly?
    </p>
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  • bheartsbbheartsb member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @jayjoe...you should be confused.  My mistake...the topic should read 'previously posted in wedding party' (not etiquette) I have corrected that in the heading.  In light of people suggesting that I post on one of my local boards, that's what I did.  This wasn't a 3rd thread.  (And, yes...after originally posting on the wp board, I began to nonchalantly snoop around and ask my bm's about this)  

    My apologies, I didn't realize it was a faux-pas to pose the same question on more than 1 board.  However, I was curious to hear what the ladies from in + around NYC had to say, that's usually why I ask more than one person (board, in my case) a question.  I hope that clears up your confusion.
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  • jayjoejayjoe member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Its not wrong to cross-post. I was more confused because you wrote "you should read the answers I got on the etiquette post.  You would've thought I was a bridezilla ONLY giving hair + MU as their gift." I didnt see anyone treating being mean to you. I just saw people giving their opinions. Thats all.


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  • bheartsbbheartsb member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I never said anyone was mean, just that you would've thought hair + make-up was THE gift, that's all.  If you read thru the posts, almost every post mentions 'hair + make-up NOT being a gift'.

    I probably should have rewritten my original thread to read "what do you think about giving a cosmetic bag filled with goodies"?  (which would include a card stating I wanted to treat them to hair + make-up).  But again, that was my mistake.  Live and learn... 
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