HELP trying to plan an American / Filipino / Vietnamese Wedding

Re: HELP trying to plan an American / Filipino / Vietnamese Wedding

• ngagano

  

  March 2012 edited March 2012

  Hey, I'm 100% Vietnamese and my future hubby is 100% Filipino.
  
  Since its a blend of cultures, both sides can't expect to get everything they want, and you of course want to incorporate things you want.
  
  Here's what's happening for our wedding. The day of the ceremony, my Vietnamese familly really wanted the tea ceremony still. So we're doing a shortened version. We're serving tea to our parents with our close friends and family present, and taking out the part where the grooms family comes with gifts covered with red fabric.
  
  The ceremony is americanized. My Vietnamese father will give me away, but we're adding the filipino cord and veil.

  
  

  I am still wearing a white bridal dress for the ceremony. For the reception, halfway through I am changing into a traditional red vietnamese dress, and my hubby will wear his filipino "barong." Forgive me on the spelling.
  
  Me and my fiance are paying for the bulk of the wedding. His parents are paying for the flowers and my parents are paying for my dress and accessories. If you can get your parents to somehow agree on paying for part of the wedding I would highly reccommend it. :-) As for the invitations, I'm going to do mine in Vietnamese/English. One side will be English the other side will be Vietnamese kind of thing out of respect for those of my family that don't speak English very well.
  
  Everyone is very attached to culture, but if they think about your happiness and evaluate what they're used to, there's always something that can be deleted. Can't do everything because its just too much, and there's just not enough time in the day. Also, everyone is going to have to respect the other side's culture and can't expect to get everything they want. Its your day! Let me know if you have any other questions. I'll be more than happy to help.

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• DaniellePhan5 member

  

  March 2012

  <div>Thank you for your input.</div><div>
  </div><div>I really like the invitation idea. I think my Hubby's side would greatly appriciate that. </div><div>I also like the idea of wearing tradional clothing at the reception. :)</div><div>
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  </div><div>
  </div><div>
  </div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_asian-weddings_help-trying-to-plan-an-american-filipino-vietnamese-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:663Discussion:67aff3a2-1a21-4fd5-a258-f4a2ea7307aaPost:6ab9b23a-e9d7-4083-a925-458ad21696e6">Re: HELP trying to plan an American / Filipino / Vietnamese Wedding</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hey, I'm 100% Vietnamese and my future hubby is 100% Filipino. Since its a blend of cultures, both sides can't expect to get everything they want, and you of course want to incorporate things you want. Here's what's happening for our wedding. The day of the ceremony, my Vietnamese familly really wanted the tea ceremony still. So we're doing a shortened version. We're serving tea to our parents with our close friends and family present, and taking out the part where the grooms family comes with gifts covered with red fabric. The ceremony is americanized. My Vietnamese father will give me away, but we're adding the filipino cord and veil. I am still wearing a white bridal dress for the ceremony. For the reception, halfway through I am changing into a traditional red vietnamese dress, and my hubby will wear his filipino "barong." Forgive me on the spelling. Me and my fiance are paying for the bulk of the wedding. His parents are paying for the flowers and my parents are paying for my dress and accessories. If you can get your parents to somehow agree on paying for part of the wedding I would highly reccommend it. :-) As for the invitations, I'm going to do mine in Vietnamese/English. One side will be English the other side will be Vietnamese kind of thing out of respect for those of my family that don't speak English very well. Everyone is very attached to culture, but if they think about your happiness and evaluate what they're used to, there's always something that can be deleted. Can't do everything because its just too much, and there's just not enough time in the day. Also, everyone is going to have to respect the other side's culture and can't expect to get everything they want. Its your day! Let me know if you have any other questions. I'll be more than happy to help.
  Posted by ngagano[/QUOTE]

  A married couple is like a permanent marker. Once you are with them you can never give them up OR let them fade away..

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• t12ubeauty member

  

  March 2012

  I'm full Vietnamese, and the future hubby is full Korean. My side is a little more traditional, and fortunately his side is pretty laid back. I'm not sure what they do in Korean culture actually. We're doing the Vietnamese tea ceremony on Friday morning where I'll be wearing the Vietnamese ao dai. The groom's side will be carrying the gift trays with red cloths. I'm having an "Americanized" ceremony Saturday evening in which I'll wear a white bridal gown. Dinner reception will follow. At some point during the reception I will change into the ao dai to do the table greetings. Everything is usually the same day, but I couldn't fathom doing it all in one day.  My invitations will all be in English. However, most are Vietnamese on one side and English on another. I guess I'm not being that traditional, so that might not have been so helpful. 

  
  

  I agree with what ngagano had to say. You can't incorporate everything...it's all compromise. 

  
  

  Traditionally, in Vietnamese culture, the groom's side of the family actually pays for most of the wedding. However, these days both sides try to split the cost, or the bride and groom are now picking up the tab. If you are willing to have a typical Vietnamese banquet reception, it can actually pay for itself, and you might even make some money off of it depending on how extravagant you are. If you are going to do the whole tea ceremony..be prepared for a LONG day. 

  
  

  if you have other questions, I would be glad to answer them

  

  We got married 11/3/12!!

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• DaniellePhan5 member

  

  March 2012

  <div>Thank You for the feed back! </div><div>
  </div><div>
  </div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_asian-weddings_help-trying-to-plan-an-american-filipino-vietnamese-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:663Discussion:67aff3a2-1a21-4fd5-a258-f4a2ea7307aaPost:4e30ce28-efee-4ef7-bf2d-5fa582ec8014">Re: HELP trying to plan an American / Filipino / Vietnamese Wedding</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm full Vietnamese, and the future hubby is full Korean. My side is a little more traditional, and fortunately his side is pretty laid back. I'm not sure what they do in Korean culture actually. We're doing the Vietnamese tea ceremony on Friday morning where I'll be wearing the Vietnamese ao dai. The groom's side will be carrying the gift trays with red cloths. I'm having an "Americanized" ceremony Saturday evening in which I'll wear a white bridal gown. Dinner reception will follow. At some point during the reception I will change into the ao dai to do the table greetings. Everything is usually the same day, but I couldn't fathom doing it all in one day.  My invitations will all be in English. However, most are Vietnamese on one side and English on another. I guess I'm not being that traditional, so that might not have been so helpful.  I agree with what ngagano had to say. You can't incorporate everything...it's all compromise.  Traditionally, in Vietnamese culture, the groom's side of the family actually pays for most of the wedding. However, these days both sides try to split the cost, or the bride and groom are now picking up the tab. If you are willing to have a typical Vietnamese banquet reception, it can actually pay for itself, and you might even make some money off of it depending on how extravagant you are. If you are going to do the whole tea ceremony..be prepared for a LONG day.  if you have other questions, I would be glad to answer them
  Posted by t12ubeauty[/QUOTE]

  A married couple is like a permanent marker. Once you are with them you can never give them up OR let them fade away..

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• clearheavens member

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  Sorry so late to reply, I don't check this board very often anymore.

  
  

  DH and I are full Vietnamese.  Here are a few tips I advise to make your FI's side happy:

  • -do a tea ceremony of some sort, either at the rehearsal the day before, the morning of, or in between the ceremony and reception (for help on doing the tea ceremoy, ask in another post!)
  • do table visits (accept each card/envelop with both hands)
  • -wear a Vietnamese ao dai during the tea ceremony and table visits (I recommend aodaivinh.com, that's what I used)
  • -offer a few signature Vietnamese foods (these are subjective, if you need help, ask your FI's side)
  • -nice to have: photos of the guests as they enter the hall, preferrably with the B&G (but could also be without especially for early or late comers) so you can mail them with the Thank You cards

  Here are our answers for our (full) Vietnamese wedding for an idea:

  
  

  How did you set up your ceremony? - We are Catholic so we had a (universal) Catholic Mass.

  
  

  What type of attire did you wear on your wedding day? - Red ao dai for the tea ceremony the morning of, white dress at Mass, ao dai again for table visiting at the reception, then a casual white dress for dancing.

  
  

  Who pays for what? - These days, it's split between the B&G, but for us I paid for most of it because I'm working and DH is finishing up med school. Traditionally, it was the groom, a small price to pay for gaining another member in the household.

  
  

  What are somethings for me to expect? - Expect not being able to please everyone, but still try your best. We hired a day-of-coordinator, had all relatives pitch in, the whole shebang. But we still had a few complaints, which were minor. I can live with that. It's not that Viet people are ungrateful, on the other hand, Viet people in Vietnam live in a community and are very supportive of one another, especially at births, funerals, and weddings. it's that being in a society (like the US or Canada) where everything is mixed, some people have a close connection with certain traditions, and it's in their right to feel disappointed if they don't see it.

  
  

  How should I word the wedding invitations? - Viet wedding invites are actually announcements, not invitations. They word like this, "Mr. & Mrs. [bride's parents] and Mr. & Mrs. [groom's parents] have the honor of announcing the marriage of our children [B&G] at...[date, time, place]." What's the difference between an announcement and invitation? Let me explain.

  
  

  You will see Viet families mail the announcements to very important people even if it's impossible for them to attend (for example, relatives in Vietnam, godparents on the other side of the country, the priest who baptised you, anyone who was essential during your formative years, etc.).  It would be offensive if they found out you got married and they didn't receive the announcement.

  
  

  The caveat is NOT to include the RSVP and reception cards; if you include them, it could mean you're fishing for a money gift. Most of the time, they will send you a check anyway.  The best thing to do is not to cash it and write a Thank You card telling them something along the lines of, "Your thoughts and prayers are/were with us at our wedding. We didn't need to accept the check because your love is enough for us throughout our lives."

  
  
  

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